Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have gone on like 2 dates or something and Jenny's friends are already claiming she's falling love with his ass. While Jenny sat by the pool in Miami this weekend, Mayer was in NYC. She was reportedly texting and e-mailing him to come back to Miami. Somebody send this bitch a copy of "The Rules."

A source told the Daily Mail, "She's really into John, and the nine year age difference doesn't bother her for a second. Jen's already telling friends she's falling in love with this guy. Jen's really hoping he can spend more time in Miami with her. She just wants to see a lot more of him. This was definitely not a one-off thing as far as she's concerned."

Desperate! Jenny is not playing this correctly! She needed to go out this weekend and get caught "canoodling" with some other man. Play a little hard to get. Damn. If that Blackberry she's holding proposed marriage to her, she would yes.

Here's some pictures of Jenny sitting by the pool planning her wedding to Mayer in her head. She totally is.

Jennifer Aniston's new maybe man, John Mayer, got his haircut in NYC yesterday and blogged about it. On his blog, John said his new haircut was inspired by Michael J. Fox, Shaun Cassidy, Mary Lou Retton and Kristy McNichol. John is trying to make the joke before anybody else does.

He wrote, "Today I set off on my newest project; to grow and maintain an authentic ’80s style feathered haircut. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for some time and I’m very excited to bring this amazing look into today’s pop culture landscape."

Yup, he's the perfect douche for Aniston. She probably laughs till she pees at jokes like that. Well, she would laugh at his jokes even if she didn't think he was funny, because she wants to keep him around. Her bio clock already went off and she's out of snoozes.

Page Six reports that John went out in NYC on Sunday night and was very well behaved. A source said, "He just hung out with his friends, and wasn't flirting with any girls." He wasn't flirting with them, because he's already done them. He's a major whore!

Awww....I hope this is one the for Aniston. You know she's already pasting her face and John's face on to wedding pictures in magazines. She puts it up on her "inspiration boardl" along with pictures of what she wants her baby to look like.

InTouch Weekly has pictures of Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer laying on each other in Miami. You can tell Aniston is thinking, "OMG! A man is actually touching me! Am I dreaming?" John is thinking, "How totally awesome is my new tat sleeve. It's so rad!"

The pictures are from Jen and John's Miami date over the weekend. A source told OK Magazine that they've been on three dates together. Is this a record for Jenny? The source said, "It's a very new thing. They're still in that 'getting to know each other' phase." Friends are warning Jenny that John has a record of leaving women heartbroken.

Let Jenny have her fun! The bitch needs real cock in her life! I hope she froze his condom sperm, because I doubt there's going to be more dates. Well, she probably talked about her arch rival, Maddox, the entire time. That's a total mood killer.

And that picture of Star and Gay Al is too precious for words.

Source: Cover Awards

John Mayer and Jenny Aniston had lunch in Miami yesterday which means she's either knocked up or they are getting married. Actually, we're talking about Aniston here, so it's probably their first and last date. Well!

The GM of the joint they were eating at told People they were very close and their heads almost touched. OMG! He probably witnessed the conception of their first baby together.

I know you're pulling your pubies out wondering what they had for lunch? She had a "chopped chicken salad, while Mayer had a Serrano ham sandwich which "Jen ate some of." I'm surprised a food expert wasn't brought in to tell us what their food choices say about how they feel about one another.

Jen and John were also seen leaving another restaurant later that night. He had his arm around her. He was probably giving her the "It's not you, it's me" speech. It was lovely while it lasted.

I bet they met through Facebook. She superpoked him and John actually answered! She probably superpokes everyone though. Check your Facebook. I'm sure you've been superpoked by her.

No, that's not Mayim Bialik and yes, it's an old ass picture. It's from the premiere of what is probably Jennifer Aniston's greatest work to date, Leprechaun. Who knew Aniston would go from starring alongside killer trolls to owning Hollywood. Okay, not really owning Hollywood. Aniston has started her own production company with Kristin Hahn. Kristin used to work at Plan B, the production company she shared with Brad Pitt. Jen's new production company has already lined up several projects in which she will star in. Jen has called her company, Echo. She explains where the name came from:

"We're drawn to stories about people finding their voice and finding their way because they help us ... [make] sense of our lives through the stories of others. That's why we chose the name Echo, to echo back an idea, a challenge, something that resonates through all of us."

That's funny, because an echo is all she hears when she comes home to an empty house. I'm guessing AngelinaHasADirtyVagina Productions was taken. Sorry kitten, I beat you to it!

Jenny Aniston's publicist must be working his Blackberry to the core. Jenny and Orlando Bloom have once again been linked. Witnesses told Page Six that the two were recently dining at Eva LongWHORIA's house of whores, Beso.

The "witness" aka Aniston herself said, "They were sitting very close and she was looking at him like he was her favorite guy in the world."

They got it all wrong. She was sitting across the room and he was looking at her like she was his favorite guy in the world. Orlando's current girlfriend, Miranda Kerr, has nothing to worry about. Keep moving along.

I just know Aniston is trying to make this happen! It's never going to happen. She needs to link herself to someone more believable. I'm thinking....James Haven Voight. Now that's a story!

Note to Brangaloonies: If you didn't know that was Brad Pitt's ear in the picture above, you need to remove your Brangaloonie badge right away and take down your Shiloh altar!

Scissor sisters, Jenny Aniston and Court Cox, will join forces to raise $1 million for the Epidermolysis Bullosa Medical Research Foundation. Epidermolysis Bullosa is a rare and genetic skin condition that mostly affects the kiddies. Anus and Cox have set a goal of $1 million in two weeks.

Cox said, “EB is very personal to me so I’m happy to be a part of this $1 million challenge. Now is such an important time to put the spotlight on EB and ensure that research can continue at a fast pace.”

I just have a small suggestion on how these two lovely ladies can raise $1 million in about 10 seconds. All they have to do is go into their purses, pull out a checkbook and write a small check for $500,000 each. Their checking accounts won't even notice! I kid (sort of)! Anus and Cox will also spend the two weeks by raising awareness.

The foundation's board also includes Orlando Bloom, Kate Beckinsale, Eva Longoria and Brad Pitt. BRAD PITT! So that's how Jen's trying to get Brad back.

In related news, Brangelina gave over $8 million of their own money in 2006 to various charities ranging from Doctors Without Borders to the Global AIDS Alliance.

Jennifer Aniston must be behind the bruise on Courtney Cox's arm. She caught her watching "Gia" for the 100th time. Courtney can't help it. Gia is a really hot movie. Angelina Jolie before she got annoying, the chick from "Lost" and the hot bitch from "Models Inc" in one movie! What more could you want?

Here's Courtney strolling around town. At first I thought it was Demi Moore. Well, if Demi Moore lost her looks.

I was waiting for this rumor to surface and here it is! Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson are currently filming "Marly & Me" together in Miami and sources say the two might be more than co-stars. Star Magazine said the two have been "canoodling" even when the cameras are off.

A source said, "The hugging didn't end when the cameras stopped rolling. They were very flirty together, far more than you would expect. In between takes they were hanging onto each other. They are very friendly." Hanging onto each other, flirty AND friendly? Well, the "friendly" just put them over the edge. They are totally doing it.

The source goes on to say that even before they started shooting Owen and Jen would have long telephone conversations. I think Jen just told the source it was Owen, but it was really Livelinks.

Owen has also brought Jen out from the dungeon of her trailer where she usually spends hours upon hours cutting out Angelina Jolie's face from tabloid magazines and pasting hers in. "Jen is known for being a recluse on set. But she's having so much fun hanging out with Owen. She's just really relaxed and happy, which is nice to see."

I thought Owen was dating Kate Hudson again? He's moved on to Jennifer Aniston? Eeesh. That's like eating oatmeal for breakfast and lunch.

Sheryl Crow must be mighty lonely, because she's using Jennifer Aniston's name to get a little attention. Sheryl reportedly said that Jen was the one to dump Brad Pitt, it wasn't the other way around.

Sheryl said, "For both of us, the perceived idea is that, in our big relationships, we both got dumped. Believe me, this is not true. Neither one of us has ever gotten dumped. No one ever knows what goes on in relationships. Unfortunately, for some people like Jennifer and me, so much is written about things that you don't say, and so many emotions are attributed to you that you haven't had."

A friend of Jen's (I'm guessing Courtney Cox or Sheryl, because those are her only friends) told The National Enquirer, "Once Jen saw the writing on the wall, she dumped Brad. She took a cold, hard look at her marriage and realised it was irretrievably broken. She and Brad had vastly different personal agendas and feelings about love, career and having a family."

That's lovely Sheryl, but it still doesn't change the fact that he's with Angelina Jolie and has like 10,000 kids. Jen has shit!

Sheryl Suzanne Crow needs to go sing about winding roads and soaking up the sun instead of spilling Jen's business. Maybe the music thing didn't work out for Sheryl, so now she's working as Jen's spokeswhore.