Rihanna

....it's usually because they've just seen this outfit. You know, I'm really beginning to think that Prince and Morris Day fell in love on the set of Purple Rain and gave birth to Alien Princess RiRi. RiRi inherited Morris' obsession with satin and Prince's everything else! I bet their pussies even match. Seeing RiRi in this shit is making me want to scream, "Oh-wee-oh-wee-oh!"

If Stormer from The Misfits wore this outfit I'd be on the ground worshiping her beauty, but it's not really working for me on RiRi. I think a keytar would really make this outfit happen.

Here's RiRi wearing one of Tuxedo Mask's old ones at the Costume Institute Gala at The Met last night.

The photo that was felt around the world might get the case against Chris Brown completely dismissed. Chris' lawyer, Mark Geragos, blabbed this morning outside of the courthouse that if the beat down photo of Alien Princess RiRi was leaked by someone from inside the LAPD, he will ask that the entire case be put down.

There's currently an investigation going down as to how TMZ got a hold of the picture. Today in court, Mark asked that the preliminary hearing date be pushed back to give more time for the investigation. Mark said, "The leaks can form the basis for a motion to dismiss the case in regards to outrageous governmental misconduct." The new hearing was set for May 28th. Mark is expected to file a motion regarding the photo before then. There's also a chance that there may not even be a hearing if Chris' lawyer is able to strike up a deal with the prosecution before then.

I'm not a lawyer like Star Jones, but I'm guessing Mark Geragos is going to yammer on to the court about how the beat down photo has already made him look guilty to possible jurors....blah...blah...

That's my guess anyway. It's not like this is going to go trial. Chris will strike a deal, they will slightly tap him on the hand and tell him not to do it again. Then he'll go to anger management where he will have talk about why he's so angry and that will be that. At least that's what watching a few episodes of Law & Order tells me.

Alien beater, Chris Brown, has apparently dusted his fists off and is ready to give this love thing another go after splitting up with Alien Princess RiRi last month. According to the New York Daily News, Chris is back to busting it with his ex-girlfriend Erica Jackson who is a student at University of Mary Washington. Ugh. Erica better change her major to Getafuckingclue-nomics.

Sources say that Chris and Erica used to date back in the day, but when he went back to his native Virginia, the two started doing it again. The source went on to say that they've been getting serious the past couple of weeks and Erica has gone to L.A. with him. As for RiRi, some of Chris' friends think she's going to flip her forehead over this, “Ri is going to be so hurt that Chris has moved on so quickly and is parading this new girl around town.”

And while new/old girl is "no Rihanna," she "has a good head on her shoulders; she’s solid." I hope her good head is protected by a good fucking helmet when she's around Chris.

Chris' pr whores deny the whole thing. Of course, they deny it. It's not like they are going to admit that this whole thing is painted in a thick coat of PR STUNT (which is the exact shade of dehydrated diarrhea). That's all this is. Chris just needs a lovely little thing to defend him to the public. I can already picture Erica in a floral dress, carrying a bible in one hand and a kitten she named "Chris" in the other while saying that the only time Chris touches her is to gently stroke her cheek. The spin cycle is on high!

Chris Brown was in court today to plead "not guilty" to mangling Alien Princess RiRi. Chris will have to go back to court on April 29th for more fun and games. Everyone expected Chris to drop the "not guilty" shit, because he's currently trying to work out some kind of plea deal with prosecutors. Chris' lawyer didn't speak to reporters after the hearing, but RiRi's lawyer took the mic and said sang a few things.

He said that RiRi just wants to stick the whole thing in a bong and smoke it up, because she doesn't want to go to trial. When asked if RiRi would testify if that shit went to trial, he said she'll do anything the law requires her to do. He finished with, "My client recognizes it is not up to her what kind of deal. It is up to the D.A. to decide. She would prefer that this be resolved expeditiously and fairly... so she can get back to her life, which is exactly what she wants to do."

In related news, Dollhouse Dude was MIF (missing in fuckery) again! This isn't amusing. Dollhouse Dude is the keeper of the court (steps) and he hasn't been there to keep the foolery going! Actually, I don't think Chris' plea even counts if Dollhouse Dude isn't there to give his blessing. I'm not a lawyer, but I've done fucky times with plenty and that makes me an authority on the subject! Pull Dollhouse Dude out of the Del Taco bathroom he passed out in and get him to the court now! Mofo has a job to do.

VIA UsWeekly

Alien Princess RiRi is back in Barbados today after spending a quick minute in NYC yesterday and Hawaii on Wednesday. The creature on her head has been with her through every airport security check. Seriously, it's time for RiRi to carefully take that animal off her head, put it back in its cage, give it some pellets to eat and a nest of hay to sleep in. Then she should give it an air kiss goodbye and then close the door. She better do that before some ho snatches it off her head and turns it into the pound.

Besides, Prince already did this hair in the 80s. Let's not go back!

And I shouldn't really talk, because some ho recently told me my hair was looking a little RiRi-ish. Looks like I have a special date with a pair of clippers this weekend!

Alien Princess RiRi of the Universe is now packing heat to protect her ass from the rabid animal that mauled her ass. RiRi is rich, so when she decides that she wants to get some fugliness tattooed on her body by her favorite artist, she just puts his ass on a jet plane and flies him out.

RiRi summoned tattoo artist Bang Bang from NYC to L.A. to put a gun on her body. At first, Bang Bang drew two guns on her shoulders. Thankfully, RiRi used her brain and cut the idea, because she knew her pimps at Cover Girl would not approve. I guess they aren't putting out a concealer stick to hide ridiculousness anytime soon. Although, they could easily use the slogan: "Cheesy, Sleazy, Fugliful...Cover Dumb Fuck."

RiRi decided to get it on her ribcage instead. And that's where it finally landed.

In about 20 years, when her skin starts to creep towards the ground, that "*hardcore*badass*" gun is going to look like a wet turd stain. Actually, it kind of looks like that now.

Why oh why did I know this rumor was coming?! I could smell this shit a mile away and it reeks like ass cheese and butt pimple puss (you know Chris has got some pimples on that ass). I mean, we already had the wedding rumors, the baby rumors, so why not throw in a sex tape rumor? You know, while we're here!

Star Magazine claims Chris Brown busted on RiRi in a different way and captured the precious moments on camera. Sources are saying that RiRi is afraid Chris is going to leak that shit for the world to see. The source went on to say, "Rihanna has no issues with her sexuality. But she'd be mortified if her friends and family found this out! This whole beating incident is terribly humiliating for her. She's already traumatized and will do anything to make it all go away as quickly as possible."

Okay, if you're a celebwhore and your bare ass is in the air while a camera is recording, there's a good fucking chance that the eyes of many will see it. Don't lose your breath when it leaks, because you had it coming!

If you're a narcissistic whore and need to see your shit doing fucky stuff, just hook the camera up to the TV so you can watch without recording it. Or delete that shit right away. Be smart! But personally, watching myself doing that nasty shit is like watching a horror movie. It's not fun or stimulating. I learned things about my body I never wanted to know!

Alien Princess RiRi of the Universe stepped out in Hollywood last night wearing some shit made out of my mom's old 70s bedroom drawer liners. It's nice to see somebody put that shit to use. RiRi also kept her Ray-Bans at home. Good. "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" can finally be taken off heavy rotation in my head's playlist.

RiRi's own personal Mike Tyson was not around and E! is saying the two are on a "break." Not a permanent break. Just a break. To most of us, a break just means you just want different dick for a week. But for Ike & Tina 2.0 it probably just means RiRi is trying to keep her money safe. I'm thinking her bitches got all worried that she might lose cash for going back to the beast who attacked her ass, so they told her to take two steps back. And hopefully, she keeps on stepping back.

And this time it's not Chris Brown. GONG and exit stage left!!

RiRi left Da Silvano in NYC last night with some kind of Ikea rug thing laying on her back, my pepaw's shades over her eyes and some leather gloves that look like they were made with ace bandages (awkward).

Why is RiRi stepping out with fur on her back after all the shit she has been through? Does she really want Peta busting a flour bomb on her ass? Or maybe that furry rabid creature on her back is still alive and ready to pounce at a moment's notice. It's protecting her ass from getting Ike Turnered (Khia is my idol) again. Keep on, keep on....

RiRi rolled out of the shower (or is that pomade smegma?), slipped on some WTFish boots and headed to some meeting in NYC this afternoon with her permanent sunglasses on. Yeah, they don't come off.

Since RiRi is in my neighborhood, I feel it's my duty to sweep that bitch up, take her to the lobby of the HoJo's at Penn Station and perform an acoustic version of Pebbles "Girlfriend" for her. Bitch needs to listen to the message. After that, I'd find a talent show to enter her ass into, because it looks like she can do a fucking serious Morris Day impersonation. The prize money will be mine!

In other Ike & Turner 2.0 news, People says there is and never was a duet between the two as was previously reported. A source said that Chris and RiRi recorded a demo of a song last year, but that shit was never meant to be a duet for them. The source added, "Nothing has been recorded by Chris and Rihanna together since February."

Translation: One of their whores finally got fucked in the ass with the clue stick and put a stop to that fuckery.