Rihanna

RiRi needs to join the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling already! This hot alien has all the outfits for it and her crotch thrust is not to be messed with. The GLOW rap plays in my head every time I see this chick performing.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Rihanna is part of Kanye West's GLOW in the Dark tour. She already has GLOW on the brain!

If you don't know what I'm talking about, feast your eyes and ears on the hotness below. Can we get a petition going to bring GLOW back to TV! I miss Hollywood & Vine. Turn the volume down before you play this hot shit, because it nearly knocked the bong out of my hand.

Here's more pics of RiRi performing in San Jose last night.

Her royal alien highness, Rihanna, still claims that she's not doing sexy times with Chris Brown. However, the two were out again last night getting tattoos in NYC and then later heading to a friend's Birthday party. He totally got RiRi tattooed on his pee pee. I understand why RiRi is keeping mum about this little romance. Her alien kingdom would not appreciate her dating a mortal.

I love RiRi's tattoo. It has serious meaning. It's the map to her home planet. Follow the stars....

Here's Jessica Alba and Princess RiRi at the Fendi store opening in Paris a few nights ago. Jessica is knocked up with her "brown baby", but that's not stopping her from enjoying the shows in Paris. Selfish bitch! I hope she gets mega fat, but only in her face. That way all the fat will stay in her head and hopefully her mouth will become too heavy to open.

Princess RiRi looks like she had her make-up done by a doll maker. Put an alien curse on your make-up artist, RiRi! He fucked you up.

Also, here's Jessica at the Lanvin show in Paris today. It doesn't look like Cash came with her to Paris. I hope she put a bike lock on his dick, because you know how that bitch is.

Alien Princess RiRi wore a different slutty s&m outfit to perform in Ireland yesterday. Personally, I think bitch looks hot. I'm a little bit concerned for her vagina. That can't be comfortable. Hopefully, she's protecting it with a cashmere maxi-pad.

Basically, RiRi could wear a "I Heart George Bush 4 Ever" t-shirt and I would still love her. Well, I would probably take down her shrine temporarily, but I would forgive and forget.

It's fucking good to see Beth Ditto even though she looks like one big Nerf ball. I'm also a little weepy that she didn't bring it all out for the Brit Awards and by "all out" I mean show her ass. I'm sure she will by the end of the night when she's had too many Fuzzy Navels. That dress will be on the floor and I probably will regret what I wished for.

Also at the Brits tonight are Alien Princess RiRi in a dress by Reynolds Wrap. She's fucking ready to be beamed up after this bitch. Also Kelly Osbourne who is basically shrinking into nothingness. She was with her family and her mother wore the same damn frock she always wears. Of course, Mark Ronson was there. He's performing with Amy Wino tonight. He could be covered in elephant shit and I would still think he was a hot piece.

RiRi was involved in a minor car accident after she left the Grammys last night. ExtraTV reports that RiRi was inside her car when it was rammed by another car. Thankfully RiRi and her driver were ok or there would have been hell to pay. You know who did this shit! Beyonce! She is giving little RiRi a little warning for touching her man. Actually, Beyonce probably sent Solange out to do her dirty work. Solange always gets caught up in the drama. Beyonce promised her that she could sing back-up on her next track. Sadly, Beyonce had her fingers crossed. Solange is always getting duped.

Beyonce better watch it. RiRi may be smaller than Beyonce, but her powers are ridiculous. I mean anybody who can turn a song about a damn umbrella into one of the biggest hits of last year has awesome and dangerous powers. I mean the song was about a damn umbrella!

Beyonce better watch her ass. No she really should, because it's getting huge! I'm joking. She's perfect. I don't want her to send Solange after my ass.

Here's another hot picture of Rihanna with Morris Day of The Time, because he's hot shit.

When Rihanna and Jay-Z were announced for winning a Grammy for "Umbrella," Rihanna grabbed Jay-Z's hand to lead him to the stage. Jay wasn't into it and he pulled her hand away. RiRi threw up her hands like "What's wrong?!" Lovers quarrel in front of Beyonce. Jay was probably feeling Beyonce's laser stares on him and he knew there would be hell to pay. All the Knowles women would be on his ass like 3 parrots on one cracker. RiRi and Jay-Z also kept their distance while accepting the award.

People are looking into this too much. RiRi's powerful alien grasp was too much for Jay. She was hurting him. He had Beyonce's laser beam eyes burning into his head and then he had RiRi's alien claw breaking his bones. I would have kept my distance too. Shit, I would have run out of there and caught the next flight to Honduras.

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The Alien Princess, RiRi, performed with the fucking Time at the Grammys tonight. The Time! Jungle Love was my shit back in the day. Too bad it sounded like they were playing it on a busted boombox. RiRi then performed a medley and homey can't dance worth shit. I never noticed it. She looked like a swan that rolled around in the mud. She was still hot, but she isn't even trying to break a sweat with the dancing part. Swears screws with her hot alien essence.

Most of you will think this dress looks like barfed up cous cous with a side of asparagus, but I love it. I love it because it makes Rihanna looks like the Alien Princess she is. All she's missing is a crown made from the bones of her fallen alien soldiers. She looks like Ra from "Stargate." Love...it...

Here's Princess RiRi at Clive Davis' shindig last night.

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Is her royal alien highness, RiRi, auditioning for "Chicago" or something? This outfit only belongs in 2 places: a Broadway stage and an "I Love Lucy" episode. There was this hot ass outfit that Lucy always wore on the show. It looked just like this, but Lucy wore a chiffon dress over that crap. I really think RiRi used her alien powers to break into the Lucy archive closet and snatch this number out.

Here's RiRi at an InStyle Magazine party last night in Hollywood.

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