Small Ones

It looks like Sarah Palin will be able to see Levi's goods from her house, because he is going to drop them panties and get nekkid for Playgirl.com. TMZ says that Levi has been spending a lot of time at the gym to get his body ready to pose for pictures that thousands of gay dudes will rub their genitals all over (GUILTY). But there's one issue, Levi's "handler" says he's trying to decide whether or not to show his shaved caribou or his pair of bearded seals. Yeah, I don't know what that means either. Basically, he wants to show either his dick or ass.

Let's take a vote. All of you in favor of seeing his ass, punch yourself in the crotch bone, because you should want to see THE PEEN instead! Fuck his ass (panty creaming moment)! Show us the Alaskan-bred MEAT! Yes, it's probably a little frost-bitten and shrively from living in an igloo park, but a few slaps on a hot log will warm it up and get it camera ready!

Come on, Levi's peen, pucker up for the camera and say, "YOU BETCHA!"

Soulja Boy posted a picture on his Twitter of what he claims is his dick boner in his chonies. It kind of looks more like an obese salamander trapped in a tent. Something in the milk ain't clean, but you be the judge. The picture is after the jump. It might be slightly NSFW-ish. JUMP!!!

Gary Coleman's giant ginge wife, Shannon Price (don't even mention it), was arrested at their home in Utah on Wednesday night for midget abuse and acting the fool. TMZ says that the two had some kind of argument. Shannon told Gary to go sit in the "time out" corner, but he wouldn't listen, so she locked him out of the house and refused to let him in.

Shannon then went into Gary's room and destroyed everything he loves like his favorite big boy pants, his booster seat and his Cuddle Buddy. Gary called the police and Shannon had some Dlisted-approved words for them when they arrived. According to the report, Shannon called the cop a "fucker" and then followed it up by saying, "fuck you and fuck him!" Obviously, that didn't go over well with the cops, so she was arrested and shuffled off to jail. She was later released on $1,205 bail.

For why are these two still together? Anybody who saw their wrong asses on Divorce Court or The Ty Ty Baby Show know that they HATE hate HATE each other in the worst possible way. I mean, they've never done fucky times together and Gary even threw a printer at Shannon once. If Shannon is using him for his cash, then she's the worst gold digger of all-time, because I doubt he's making major bank from selling his Gap Kids khakis on eBay.

It's a shame that they can't get along, because they really are a match in Kentucky Derby heaven. With his small stature and her horsey physique, they could go all the way!

Anybody in the mood for a soggy Snausage? Or how about a mangled egg roll? I've got both of those things here for you! This past week, nekkid pictures of Kate Gosselin's hair twin (aka Shawn from Vh1's Tool Academy) and 6 Gauge from Daisy of Love hit the internets. Don't get all excited. It's not going to make your no-no slobber. Bring your dipping sauce and get yourself a mini-weiner after the jump. And it's totally NSFW. Well, unless you work at Hickory Farms. JUMP!!!!

Tiny person Christina Ricci and enormous person Owen Benjamin are no longer getting married. Shits. That means no adorable picture of him picking her up by the arms to kiss her after they are pronounced giant and gnome.

Once source tells People that they broke off their engagement this past weekend, "Owen had a birthday party this past Sunday, and everything seemed fine. Sometime after, they got into a fight and decided to reevaluate things. [Then] the engagement was off." Another source said that their big little romance was over before then, "They talk almost every day. It was a very mature decision and they both felt good about it. They're definitely still friends."

Hum. I wonder what went wrong? I'm guessing Christina was sick of Owen poking out her organs whenever they did sexy times. She probably already lost one kidney when he hit it from the back and wasn't happy when he popped a hole in her stomach while she rode him.

Seriously, it would totally kill the love if your man was effing up your insides (and not in a good way). It just wasn't worth it. Now Christina is free to skip off and find a dude who doesn't almost suffocate her ass to death when they cuddle. I wonder if Verne Troyer is still single?

I never even heard about Spectacular from Pretty Ricky before he started grinding his shit all over the internet and I doubt I'm alone. Obviously, since his music career has flat-lined, Spectacular is trying to become the premiere ass shaker of YouTube. Jessica Simpson, take note!

In his encore performance, Spectacular continues to serve up laughs and dry heaves by violating a chair. I can almost see tears streaming down that chair's leg when Spectacular starts dry humping that shit. I think I even see lipstick on him!!! CHAIR ABUSE! Seriously, what in the rent-to-own Hell is he doing to that poor chair! He's trying to make little chair babies with that thing. He's even doing ass-to-mouth with it! It did not sign up for this! We really have to start protecting our chairs, because this will never be right.

The unprotected fuckery starts at the 1:30 mark in the video below.

Before signing on to do the movie Two Lovers, the biggest TIT of them all Fishsticks Paltrow had the director of the movie inspect her organic hush puppies to make sure they were okay for public viewing. The movie's director, James Gray, said Fishy called him into her trailer to have a look.

James told The Sun, “Gwyneth told me ‘I don't care about nudity, I'll give you everything you need. But I've had two children and I just don't think they look very good any more. Do me a favor, come into my trailer and I'll show them to you and if you think they look OK I'll do it.' So I marched in there and I told her they looked great.”

I hope Fishy will cover this in her next issue of POOP! Need validation?! Ask some random film director to approve of your sloppy titty sacks so you can feel good about yourself.

Peep at Fishy's mini-dumpling after the jump. Bring the tartar sauce and JUMP!!!

While going through pictures of Christina Ricci and her colossal fiance strolling through Los Angeles, my eyes started flickering and automatically gazed upon the luscious beauty behind them stealing the shot. Be still my heart! Christina Ricci is thinking she got this picture, but little does she know that the scene was stolen by a hot piece with an afro bigger than her whole body! Afro lady is taking us higher! Sorry, Ricci. You could never compete with glamour like that.

Anyway, here's the Jolly Green Giant and Little Green Sprout leaving Arc Light Cinemas yesterday foolishly thinking they are the stars of the minute. NOT.

The island of Maui is still getting violated by HoHan and company. Yesterday, HoHan actually bathed herself in some tide pool with her sister Benjamina Button and other friends. HoHan also made friends with an island dog! Well, it was a one-sided friendship. Methinks he was just waiting for the greasy bone to stop moving so he could bite into it. Luckily, he didn't get his chance or he'd be spitting out dried crack fungus and fan tan smegma for the rest of the week.

I know I keep saying that HoHan looks like her diet consists of coke balls, Red Bull, nicotine and Juciy Fruit, but does she really look that beat? I mean, yes she's a crack hit away from looking like a post-Blaaaake Wino and I can count all her rib bones without my contacts on, but is it that bad? Take a good look. A good look...... Okay it is. Now I know why we eat food.

Here's more of my own, my love, my precioussssssssss in Hawaii.

These two videos are probably part of some viral campaign for Gary Coleman's new straight-to-the-stoop-sale movie Midgets vs. Mascots, but it still feels like he's speaking from his very soul. Gary just wants to stomp on his agent's (he has one of those?!) feet for setting him up on this busted down movie! Gary admits that he has to take work so he can keep buying printers to throw at his Amazon ginge of a wifey! It's a hard life.

Gary Coleman is oh-so-angry. And I really like grouch Gary. It's pretty fucking hilarious when little people curse! I mean, he screams, "Get the fuck off me, you asshole!" and he's probably wearing some shit from Baby Gap while doing so! That's comedy.

And in the clip below, Gary gives his 2 cents (he wants change back) about white people. I think he's mostly just talking about his wife. I think.