Meth Faces

That puppy's eyes are broadcasting to anyone who will listen: "This hag is either going to eat me or trade me in for a speedball. Save. Me." And that puppeh has every reason to be afraid. I mean, what crack house toilet did Mischa Barton crawl out of? I'm all for the 4-day-old eye make-up look, but Mischa is not wearing it well. The world already has one Courtney Love.

Here's the girl from The Sixth Sense terrorizing puppies at the opening of Harrods' summer sale in London yesterday.

Evan Rachel Wood and Shane West played siblings on Once & Again and now they are bumping fuck parts. Cut to Sela Ward giving them a shank eye.

Last night, Evan and Shane left Bardot in West Hollywood holding each other's hands. This is a bizarre coupling, right?. If they didn't know each other from the past, I'd guess their drug dealer set them up. Evan looks like a rejected extra from the Chicago movie and Shane looks like he's been keeping busy giving hand jobs for crank money on Santa Monica Blvd. The two don't go.

That being said, a day shift gay hustler with a rock hard methface is still better than Marilyn Manson.

Peta's main hooker, Pamela Anderson, has been booked to bring her skankness to the opening of a strip club in NYC. A strip club that is also a steakhouse. A steakhouse serves meat. Meat comes from slaughtered cows. Pamela claims to get sad in the face when a cow gets it. Oh well, IN THIS ECONOMY, a bitch has got to do what a bitch has got to do to make money to buy her UGGS...which are made out of sheepskin. Pamela puts the HO in phony.

Peta quickly issued a statement to TMZ defending their biggest prosty:

"Pam is not a host but may be attending as an invited guest, and since steakhouses nowadays have some of the best salad bars and veggie options around, we're sure she'll find plenty to eat should she attend."

Oh, Peta. Don't shove a big piece of tofu in my mouth and call it juicy steak. It doesn't really bother me that Pam is whoring herself out at meat market, but I don't know if it's a match. I mean, do they really want their steakhouse associated with a giant chunk of rotten beef? Pam is not USDA-approved.

I know I'm gayer than one of Adam Lambert's dingles, but do dudes really like their pussy with a side of juicy beef. I like surf and turf, but not like this! I guess when you order medium rare beef curtains you have to be specific!

And how long do you think it will take until Heather Mills becomes a featured entertainer at this joint?

Because that shit on Mischa Barton's feet looks like the fake hidden immunity idol Taj made a few episodes back! Throw it into the fire, Jeff! Speaking of Survivor, Mischa looks like she's been on exile island for a few weeks. That's the face of a ho who has been nibbling on sand and drinking swamp water on a regular basis.

Here's more of Mischa and her tiki shoes at an event for Herbal Essence in Milan today. That's kind of ironic, because bitch needs to start putting some herbal essence in her pipe instead of that meth shit.

Some bitch dropped a wet caca on Fuggie's hair and she debuted the new look last night at the March of Dimes' Beauty Ball in NYC last night. More like the Doody Ball.

The new hair still doesn't wash out the meth from her face. In fact it makes her look even more like she's going to give you a poison apple while cackling.

If Cher got caught in a meth lab explosion, this is what she would look like after. Seriously, the diarrhea brown might look better if it was curly or some shit. The straight hair looks like two curtains framing her face. And Fuggie's face should never be the star of the show.

You know what they say? A family that gets high on meth together, stays together! Stays together in jail, I mean.

Ryan O'Neal, 67, and his son Redmond, 24, were busted in Los Angeles this morning on suspicion of meth possession. The police were doing a probation search at Ryan's house in Malibu when they found a vial of meth in Ryan's room. They searched Redmond and also found a little meth on him.

Ryan should have copied his daughter, Tatum, and said: "Um...we're researching a movie role. It's called 'The Tatum O'Neal' story and we're playing ourselves."

Both of them are currently in jail on $10,000 bail.

Just add this to Redmond's meth resume. Last year, he was arrested in Malibu for DUI and posession of meth and heroin. In 2005, he was put on probation after he was busted for coke and meth posession. Farrah Fawcett must be beaming with pride!

Ryan was arrested last year for attacking his son Griffin with a fireplace poker.

Now we know what to get the O'Neal family for Christmas, a build-your-own meth lab kit! It's something the whole family can do together!

Source: TMZ

Evan Rachel Wood must have a thing for washed up fugly ass hatchetfaces. What in the wad of hot Play-Doh hell is going on with Mickey Rourke's face?! His mug must have caught fire and someone tried to put it out with an ice pick. I swear, I'm convinced his face was a gift from Lucifer.

Here's Beauty and the Beast at the premiere of "The Wrestler." at The Venice Film Festival thingee last night. Looks like the poor bastard just spent all afternoon on the pot trying to push out a growling beast of a turd. People just don't get all sweaty and glistening like that for nothing.

If I was an interviewer on the red carpet, I would ask her, "What's it like to kiss your Frankenstein Pepaw?" She would reply, "It's not so bad, It's a lot better than sucking face with your older goth sister. Mickey has experience."

That being said, I would NOT hit it. Okay, maybe I would. But only the tip and only from the back!

Meth face sex alert! TMZ reports that Jeremy Jackson, Hobie from "Baywatch," is the star of a 45-minute sex tape currently being shopped around to the highest bidder. I'll trade my half-eaten Spicy Chicken Wrapper from Burger King for it. That's saying a lot, because that shit is good.

The tape also stars former porn star turned devout Christian Sky Lopez. The Hoff must be so proud. Seriously, he's probably really proud. Jeremy issued a pretty hilarious statement about the tape:

"Listen, this video was made by my best friend. Between me and a casual sex partner who just so happened to be a former porn star. I was later physically threatened if I didn't turn the DVD over to some drug addicted thugs.

They said, 'Sky wanted it back and I didn't want to ever be seen as a porn star, that she had turned to God and was changing her life.' So I gave it up for HER and so they would not beat me up and 'make my life hell' as they had threatened. I was blackmailed. This private recording becoming public kinda sucks. But I thought people out there should know the truth and how far some people will go to make a quick buck."

Meth kills brain cells. A porn star doesn't want people to see her fucking on camera? And his best friend just happened to film it? I'm guessing a few mysterious baggies traded hands before the camera rolled. His reason sounds like the plot of an exceptionally bad episode of "Baywatch Nights."

I'm not sure how hot a Hobie sex tape would be. He looks like he has an awful case of shriveled meth dick. It probably just lays there like a sad slug in the sun. That being said, I'll gladly watch all 45-minutes of the tape. For research purposes of course.

Ethan Hawke and The Nanny said "fuck it" today by not even trying to cover up their little baby's face from the paps. Obviously, they've decided not to whore out their baby in a magazine. Ethan should have tried to work some kind of deal. He could have gotten a meal voucher from T.G.I. Friday's or possibly half of a joint. Oh well, maybe next time.

Here's more of Ethan, The Nanny and 1-week-old Clementine Jane in NYC. She's precious. It's a good thing she didn't inherit her daddy's greasy meth face. Seriously, he looks like he should be selling me an 8-ball, not carrying around a little baby.

Meth faced Ethan Hawke and his new wifey, Ryan Shawhughes, had a baby last Friday in NYC reports UsWeekly. Her name is MyDaddyIsACheatingSkeeze Hawke. No, her name is Clementine Jane Hawke. Like the orange or like the song. "Oh my Darling, oh my Darling, oh my Darling Clementine!"

Ethan and Ryan met while she worked as his nanny when he was still married to Uma Thurman. They made it legal last month. Clementine is Ethan's third kid.

If this dumb bitch needs to hire a nanny, she better use the Fug & Fat Manny Agency. I don't know if there is such a thing, but there should be.