Kiki Dunst

A couple of days before Kiki Dunst was spotted being gross with the Mac Dude in NYC, she was stalking Emile Hirsch. According to Page Six, Kiki showed up to the Bowery Hotel just to see Emile. When he left, she followed him to a club next door.

A tattle-tailer said, "She was all alone. She was going to the bar just to see him."

Kiki sure does love the filthy ones. It must be the dick butter. I swear, every dude she boinks is dirtier than the last. She probably does the "smell test" to determine whether or not she's going to eff them or not. If they don't smell like a rest stop urinal, she wants nothing to do with them.

Here's Kiki looking like a mess while interviewing her next victim.

The Mac Dude only broke up with Drew Barrymore less than a week ago, but he's already found a rebound. Some source told OK! Magazine that this morning, while we were in our beds dreaming of cotton candy penises (seriously, that was my dream), Kiki and Justin Long were holding hands and being gross in NYC.

The source said, "Justin was holding Kirsten's hand while walking around downtown NYC in the SoHo area. They looked like they had stayed out all night and Justin had bloodshot eyes, but Kirsten was all over him and kept leaning in to kiss him." Kiki loves bloodshot eyes. She also loves eye boogers. She probably ate those off him. And he sucked off the leftover food that gets stuck her snagtooth. Well! They are both dirty birds. Dirty celebrities like being dirty together.

Up until today, I figured Justin was just some nothing actor who got lucky with the Mac commercials. But I decided to IMDB him and he's been in a lot of shit. He was the voice of Alvin in the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie!! I'd hit it for that reason alone. Imagine him saying, "I'm gonna cum all over your titties" in his Alvin voice? Amazing....and sexy.

Oh and they probably broke up before their first orgasm together. Kiki texted "It's OVER" to him, right before she came. That's how she works.

It's been a while since I've posted anything on this lil' marshmallow vampire. It's nice to see Kiki smiling and showing off her snagtooth. It was only a three months ago she was in rehab for being really, really sad or something.

I don't know how Kiki can drink a Corona without a lime. The best part about drinking that shit, is sticking a salt-covered lime in the bottle and then watching it overflow. Of course, boring ass Kiki drinks it bare.

Here's Kiki with her brother, Christian, in NYC yesterday. I swear I've seen her brother standing outside of my local deli, asking for a quarter or a cigarette.

UPDATE: I'm blind and slow. There's a lime floating in Kiki's Corona. I apologize to snagtoof for assuming she doesn't the correct way to drink a Corona.(Thanks Christa)

Kiki Dunst checked into rehab earlier this year and everybody thought it had something to do with her boozing ways. I mean, the girl likes to drink. Kiki told E!'s Marc Malkin that she went to rehab because she was really, really sad.

She said, “I went there for depression. It was a good six months before I decided to go away. I was struggling, and I had the opportunity to go somewhere and take care of myself. I was fortunate to have the resources to do it. My friends and family thought it was a good idea, too. But I didn't know where to go. My doctor recommended Cirque Lodge.”

Cirque Lodge is mainly a rehab joint for crackheads and boozers.

Everyone I know goes to the bar when they're depressed. And if you're depressed enough, you're always at the bar, which means you're always drunk, which means you'll eventually need rehab. See how that works?

Kiki went on to say, “Depression is pretty serious and should not be gossiped about.” Bossy! She had me actually feeling sowwy for her mushy ass until she made that comment. I was this close to sending her cream-filled gingersnaps. Thanks for snapping me back into reality, Kiki.

She also denied the rumors that she's dating Ryan Gosling. That's not something you should ever deny. Bitch if hot. Even if you aren't dating him. Just lie and say you are.

Kiki Dunst is reportedly keeping busy in rehab. Yeah, she's probably going to meetings, crying in meetings and all that, but InTouch Magazine reports she's also getting her floppy pussy eaten. They don't put it that bluntly, but they claim she's found love in rehab. That's smart, because rehab relationships really last.

A source said, "The staff has asked the two to separate more than enough. She sits on his lap while smoking cigarettes." Kiki's new mystery man even asked his mommy to send Kiki flowers.

Kiki is currently at Cirque Lodge in Utah. This is the same joint where Lindsay Lohan found true love. We all know how that ended.

In even hotter Kiki news, she's reportedly leaving Hollywood. Yes! Yes! Star Magazine reports that Lindsay will leave Hollywood forever after she gets out of rehab. A source said, "When she first came to the Cirque, she said she was planning to leave Hollywood. If she feels that Hollywood holds too many temptations, then maybe she should go in another direction. One thing is for sure — Kirsten's got a lot of demons to conquer. But she's determined to win."

Those aren't demons. It's just gas. I think Kiki should leave Hollywood. This is the best thing I have heard all morning. She should take her new rehab love, move to Greenland, smoke pot all day and play with their fat bellies. This is the life Kiki was meant to live.

Kiki Dunst is currently getting help at Cirque Lodge in Utah for some sort of substance abuse problem reports Star Magazine. She apparently wanted to get some help after having a few breakdowns. A source said, "She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears. She not in a good place right now, but thankfully, she's getting the help she needs."

Of course she's not in a good place. She's in fucking rehab, Einstein! It's not exactly Disney World.

Eva Mendes is currently getting help at Cirque. They can be bunkmates.

Damn. It seems like everyone's in rehab or the damn pysch ward. They need to put a giant glass bowl over Hollywood and only let them out for special occasions.

Is Kiki on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Page Six claims that friends of Kiki are afraid bitch is going to lose it soon. Witnesses say that Kiki showed up to an event at Sundance and "acted erratic." That's just Kiki! She's weird. In fact, we call her "Erratic Kiki."

Friends of Kiki say, "Kirsten is not in a good place right now." She apparently hasn't been herself since splitting up with Johnny Borell. That makes two of us, Kiki. I thought you finally found someone to love your gooey ass.

The psych ward! It's the place to be.

Kiki is fine. Just give her something to bitch and moan at and she'll be fine.

Thanks to an excellent photographer, tons of make-up, bright lights, photoshop and gallons of white flour and a few prayers, Kiki Dunst doesn't look completely tragic in the new Spring Miu Miu ads. It pains me to say this, because I can't stand the slop of oatmeal. I have to pull out my pubic hairs one by one while I type about Kiki not looking that bad. Oh the humanity!

Actually...on second thought. It some of these pics she looks like an albino bee in need of a good swat. Someone hand me my swatter!

Source: ONTD