Boring Couples

 

Jimmy Fallon and his producer girlfriend, Nancy Juvonen, married yesterday on Necker Island in the Caribbean. Jimmy, 33, and Nancy, 40, became engaged in August. No, she's not pregnant. 

 

Jimmy was slightly attractive and interesting at one point. Now he's just so damn annoying. Like the frat boy that thinks he's funny and won't grow up. He probably cracked several jokes during his vows and sang one of his annoying songs. Shit, he probably farted his vows.

 

Good luck Nancy! Oh and can we stop calling older women who like young men, cougars? I hate that shit! Let's call them tapirs instead.

 

 

 

 

Source: People

 

 

 

Brendan Fraser and his wife, Afton, are calling it a day on their 9-year marriage. The two got hitched in 1998 and currently have three kids. Their spokeswhore told the Associated Press, "They continue to maintain a close and caring friendship. " Yes, because boring people do that. Not boring people fight and throw shit at each other and slander their ex-partner's name in the press. That's what I call excitement. 

 

Brendan Fraser used to be attractive right? When the hell did he get ran over by the ugly train? This picture above was taken last year and I already see the ugly popping out. No wonder his wife left him! Naw, I'm so mean. She didn't leave him because he's ugly. She left him because he has no career.

 

 

 

Jessica Alba might be engaged to Cash Warren reports the SFGate . Jessica's Fantastic Four co-star, Doug Jones, was speaking at some film festival over the weekend when he said, "Jessica and her fiance are wonderful, and they're going to make the most beautiful babies ever." Basically, they don't want a bastard.

 

Jessica was also spotted wearing an engagement type ring the other day. She's already turned down 3 offers from magazines asking her to pose nude. Well, at least this girl has some brains. Posing nude while knocked up is OUT! Cover your shit up.

 

Here's Grouchy McGrouch leaving the Dior store in Beverly Hills yesterday. Jessica kept asking the paps to keep away and even had the fuzz escort her to her car. Stay home then you damn cow! And I love how that dude is trying to cover up her face below. He's doing a good job. Hahaha....I can still see her face dumb dumb! You failed at protecting Jessica. You are no bodyguard. Kevin Costner would not be proud.  

 

 

Splash , Wenn

 

 

 

 

Here we go again! Another boring ass couple. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams had a romantic date the other night reports Page Six . Ryan was recently linked to Hayden Panatroll and Michelle was married to Heath Ledger.

 

The two were spotted getting cozy outside a restaurant in the West Village of NYC. They were sharing a ciggie and a witness said he was "smiling and gazing at her" He was probably stoned. 

 

A rep claims they are just "working together."

 

I should hope so. Ryan needs to take a good, hard look at Heath Ledger. Michelle Williams' straight up sucked out any hot that was ever in that man. Heath looks like a walking pile of potatoes and I blame Michelle!  

 

 

 

Carrie Underwears was dating Tony Romo, but apparently he was cheating on her ass left and right and now he's dating that ultra skank Jessica Simpson. Carrie then moved on to "Gossip Girl" star, Chace Crawford, and it looks like she isn't having any luck with him either.

 

Page Six reports that Chace was spotted making out with some chick in NYC a couple of weeks ago. This past Wednesday night he was also caught making out with his co-star Leighton Meister at the Beatrice INN in NYC.  

 

Carrie, let me give you some advice. Quit it with these Hollywood types and find yourself a good ole' farm boy back home. They have manners and won't cheat on you. Well, they might cheat on you with a goat, but you can work that out later.

 

 

 

Who knew if Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen were dating, but if they were they've moved on. Lance Armstrong was seen "canoodling" at a Nascar party in NYC last night with fitness model Kim Strother.

 

A witness told OK! Magazine, "They were completely into each other the whole time. I didn't see them kissing, but she was sitting on his lap at one point and being very affectionate."

 

I thought all fitness models were lesbians. She has her arm around him like she's one of the guys. She's whispering in his ear, "Dude check out the rack on the redhead over there."

 

As for Ashley Olsen she was spotted "canoodling" with Josh Lucas at a party for The New Museum in NYC two nights ago. Lance was also at the party and witnesses seem to think Ashley was trying to make him jealous. Naw, she's just a horny troll.

 

A source said, "They were meant to be watching one of the acts but they were cuddling up instead. She was all over him."

 

I just can't keep track with Hollywood hos. Ashley is dating Josh today and tomorrow he will be dating Kate Hudson who will be dating Lance Armstrong the next day who will be dating Ashley again. It's a vicious circle

 

 

 

The "America's Next Top Model" judges table is about to get even more boring. Twiggy will not be a judge for season 10, because of "scheduling conflicts." Paulina Porizkova will replace her.

 

The CW issued this statement:

 

Yawn....wake me when it's done. Twiggy was like stale oatmeal, but Paulina is probably going to be worse. Ugh, can't they just bring Janice Dickinson back? She was annoying as hell, but at least she was entertaining. I know Tyra Banks loves to be the only alleged woman on the panel with any kind of personality, but still. 

 

Source: Buddy TV

 

 

 

Closer Magazine claims Jennifer Aniston is dating that dude from "Sex and the City" Jason Lewis. The two have apparently been on a couple of secret dates in NYC. Jen wants to keep it a secret, because her love life sucks.

 

A source said, "They've met a few times. He thinks she's gorgeous and they just clicked. It's funny how much they have in common. Jen seems to really like Jason, but so far they've met up in secret as Jen hates the pressure her fame puts on all of her relationships."

 

Jason has dated Rosario Dawson and Jennifer Esposito.

 

These two wet drips deserve each other! They probably talk about the weather all day and night and only do sex in the missionary position. 

 

 

 

 

That skinny girl from "Grey's Anatomy" got married at New York City's City Hall on Friday reports The Boston Globe . Ellen Pompeo and music executive, Chris Ivery, tied the knot with Mayor Bloomberg serving as their witness.

 

The two were seen at a Knick's game on Sunday night.

 

Ellen's rep said, "They are over the moon." Both are 38.

 

City Hall wedding? Is she knocked up. Congrats to the boring couple! May they have many boring moments together, forever!!!

 

 

Kate Hudson and Orlando Bloom were spotted making out in front of her ex, Dax Shepard a few weeks ago at Kate's Halloween party. OK! Magazine reports the two didn't leave each other's side all night.

 

A source said, "Kate and Orlando were talking, drinking and laughing. Then they just started going at it. They made out for ages and looked like they were really enjoying themselves. They didn't care who was watching. After that first make-out session, they walked around and talked to everyone as a couple. They were inseparable for the rest of the night." 

 

Doesn't this "source" know anything? That's how people in Hollywood greet one another. They start sucking face. I don't even live in Hollyweird and that's how I greet people! I greet my really good friends by just getting on my knees. My mother taught me good manners! Oh shit, she's not gonna like that.