Jennifer Love Hewitt

Monday, September 15th 2008

Size Two Muumuu?

Is Ross McCall taking fashion tips from that hobo Twitty Prat? He looks like an Old Navy reject from 2001. Quit trying to bring back an already shitty fashion statement in an already shitty fashion world. I'd rather see people go emo than wear this shit. I don't mean that.

Speaking of shitty fashion statements, take a look at the muu muu on that forgotten Golden Girl JLove.

At first I thought she was carrying a bag of trash, but upon further inspection I realized it was a hideous purse. What the fuck JLove! Far cry from I Know What You Did Last Summer. Show some luscious chichi, don't you remember what got you famous in the first place?

Here's the two future Buick LaSabre driving, bingo playing, shuffle board masters taking a stroll in Los Angeles yesterday.

Wenn

Posted by: Michael K


Thursday, August 14th 2008

JLove's New Body

Last November, pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt with a little junk in her truck, hood, and side spoilers hit the internet. A bunch of whores made fun of her jelly ass. At the time, JLove shot back and said she's not a fatty-fatty-bo-batty. She also said she was a size 2.

Well, on this week's cover of UsWeekly, JLove is queefing about how she lost 18lbs! Okay, if she was a size 2 back in November, what is she now? A size -2? More like a size "bitch, please!"

JLove told the magazine, "I am in a pretty good workout regimen that I like, so it inspired me to keep it up. The energy level and the way I feel now is great." She claims she only lost the weight because she wanted to feel better and not because of the mean things people said about her.

Yeah, I know what diet she went on. It's called the Photoshop diet! Does a body good.

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 28th 2008

JLove Doesn't Want To Be A Summer Bride

JLove is planning to marry Ross McCall soon, but it won't be this Summer. Shit! I was really hoping she would get married in a bikini. I love the headlines those last bikin pictures brought.

JLove said, “It won’t be a summer wedding. I won’t be a sweaty bride! We are still planning the wedding and haven’t set a date yet. But it’ll still be small and intimate.” Um...something tells me her ass would even sweat in Winter.

At least JLove is thinking about the weather. Outdoor Summer weddings are like fucking death. At Summer weddings they always hand you a little hand fan like that's going to keep you cool. Fuck that! I want a portable air conditioner not some pansy ass fan. My abuelita used to wait in the car during the wedding with air conditioning blasting.

Here's JLove and her creepy boyfriend walking their pooch the other day. Her boyfriend looks like he just got out of the chokey on child touching charges.

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, March 30th 2008

The Things We Do For Kids

Harrison Ford got loaded with Shrek semen at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards last night. That slime is probably what the inside of his catheter bag looks like. I'm yanking him! Harrison has still got it. I mean, he has the earring to prove it.

I actually sat and watched some of this shit. I only did it, because there were rumors that Brit Brit was going to perform. You know what happened the last time she performed, so I couldn't miss this possible mess fiesta. Not surprisingly, she didn't perform. It really hurts when people lie to you. Especially kids. Yes, I blame the kids.

So....here are some of the scallywags that came out for the children. Brendan Fraser's on-again-off-again fake hair needs to be turned off permanently. I'm starting to think it's actual grass grow on his head and he dyes it brown.

One day I really want to pour a glass of water all over the top of Asshole and Pete's heads. Those two would blow up just thinking about their perfectly straight hair possibly turning wavy. I don't think they could function if their hair was not straight.

Wireimage

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, January 8th 2008

Armpit Flaps Are In

Hollywood hos gotta show cleavage somehow. Pit Flap is sexy. Admit it. Katherine Heigl was the fug of the ball at the premiere of "27 Dresses" last night in Hollyweird. Kathy was joined by 27 look-a-likes who had to wear the movie's poster to promote the film. I think being a Kathy Heigl look-a-like is worse than wearing a movie poster. Kathy will always look like a flight attended to me. I mean she even has the hair for it.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was also there and if she's not pregnant she's really dressing like she is. I think she wants us to think she's knocked up. That way she can bitch about how she's not fat and that she's gorgeous and a size 2 and shit.

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, December 25th 2007

Jennifer Love Hewitt Is A Better Person Than I Am

 
Sorry for the late posting, but I'm drunk. Because of this a lot of my posts today will have major spelling and grammar errors. What's that you say? What's new? SCREW YOU! Go get fucked by a candy cane! I know, it's Christmas. I'll try and be nice.
 
So...Jennifer Love "I'm a Size 2" Hewitt spent her Christmas eve feeding the homeless at the Los Angeles Mission. While most of us were dealing with the holiday craziness by sucking down anything with booze in it, she was doing good. She looks like a rotten pear left out in the sun too long, but she's still doing good.
 
She is a good person and you're not! Santey Claus totally fingered her juicy ass.  
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, December 16th 2007

Well, She's Got The Birthing Hips

 
Self-proclaimed size 2, Jenny Love Hewitt, might be knocked up according to reports. JLove recently became engaged to that Ross dude while on vacay in Hawaii. She apparently found out a week before Thanksgiving.
 
A source said, "Jennifer was shocked, but at the same time she was ecstatic with the news. It wasn't planned, but now that it's happened Jennifer and Ross are both very happy." 
 
I don't know. If JLove was knocked up I'm sure she would've said, "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!" when those photos of her in a bikini came out. If she is knocked up, remind me to not drink the water in Hollywood. Everyone is getting pregnant.
 
Above is JLove hiding her stomach in Los Angeles last week.
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Saturday, December 1st 2007

Lindsay Lohan Is The Dumbest Person In Hollywood

 
In response to Entertainment Weekly's 50 Smartest People in Hollywood list, The New York Daily News has put out a 50 Dumbest People in Hollywood list. While Judd Apatow topped the smartest list, Lindsay Lohan topped the dumbest. The NYDN's reason is that she makes " poor movie choices ("I Know Who Killed Me"), delinquent behavior and bad taste in men."  Their Top 10 looks like this:
 
1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Kim Kardashian
3. Spencer Pratt
4. Jeff Kwatinetz
5. Shia LaBeouf
6. Heidi Montag
7. Jessica Simpson
8. Kiefer Sutherland
9. Tori Spelling
10. Rumer Willis
 
Personally, I don't think Lindsay is that dumb. She makes bad personal and professional choices, but I don't think she's dumb. Trashy yes, dumb no. My dumb list would look like this.
 
1. Britney Spears
2. Britney Spears
3. Britney Spears
4. Britney Spears
5. Britney Spears
 
The NYDN listed Britney as their #15 choice. Also on the list is Jennifer Love Hewitt, Michael Jackson, Ken Paves, Tila Tequila and Joe Francis. Click here to see the entire list.  
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Saturday, December 1st 2007

JLove Defends Her Juicy Ass

 
JLove has taken to her MySpace to defend these pictures of her that were taken a few days ago in Hawaii. I guess she's pissed that some blogs and other bitches are calling her fat. Wah...wah...wah....I say drink your Mai Tai and shut up. She wrote:
 
This is the last time I will address this subject.
 
I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.
 
A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

 
To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini – put it on and stay strong.
 
Xoxo
JLH

 
Size 2?! In the chest maybe. JLove looks fine. She has a body like my mom's. Well until my mom got it all sucked out on the operating table. She's not going to like me saying that and with Christmas coming up I think I just fucked up. Oh well! 
 
She's right though. Stop making fun of her fat ass! Make fun of her annoying personality instead. Here's JLove and the "man of her dreams" yesterday in Hawaii posing for the paps.  
 
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Thursday, November 29th 2007

JLove Engaged

 
28-year-old Jennifer Love Hewitt is engaged to 32-year-old actor Ross McCall reports UsWeekly. JLove's spokeswhore said, "They got engaged last week."
 
The two are currently in Hawaii where these pictures of JLove in a bikini were taken. Some people are calling her "fat" and others are calling her "perfect." I'm just calling her "annoying." Fat or perfect, she's still annoying.
 
I wonder if Ross gave her a pear-shaped diamond to match her pear-shaped body. She does have a baby making ass.
 
Posted by: Michael K


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