Jennifer Love Hewitt

Is Ross McCall taking fashion tips from that hobo Twitty Prat? He looks like an Old Navy reject from 2001. Quit trying to bring back an already shitty fashion statement in an already shitty fashion world. I'd rather see people go emo than wear this shit. I don't mean that.

Speaking of shitty fashion statements, take a look at the muu muu on that forgotten Golden Girl JLove.

At first I thought she was carrying a bag of trash, but upon further inspection I realized it was a hideous purse. What the fuck JLove! Far cry from I Know What You Did Last Summer. Show some luscious chichi, don't you remember what got you famous in the first place?

Here's the two future Buick LaSabre driving, bingo playing, shuffle board masters taking a stroll in Los Angeles yesterday.

Last November, pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt with a little junk in her truck, hood, and side spoilers hit the internet. A bunch of whores made fun of her jelly ass. At the time, JLove shot back and said she's not a fatty-fatty-bo-batty. She also said she was a size 2.

Well, on this week's cover of UsWeekly, JLove is queefing about how she lost 18lbs! Okay, if she was a size 2 back in November, what is she now? A size -2? More like a size "bitch, please!"

JLove told the magazine, "I am in a pretty good workout regimen that I like, so it inspired me to keep it up. The energy level and the way I feel now is great." She claims she only lost the weight because she wanted to feel better and not because of the mean things people said about her.

Yeah, I know what diet she went on. It's called the Photoshop diet! Does a body good.

JLove is planning to marry Ross McCall soon, but it won't be this Summer. Shit! I was really hoping she would get married in a bikini. I love the headlines those last bikin pictures brought.

JLove said, “It won’t be a summer wedding. I won’t be a sweaty bride! We are still planning the wedding and haven’t set a date yet. But it’ll still be small and intimate.” Um...something tells me her ass would even sweat in Winter.

At least JLove is thinking about the weather. Outdoor Summer weddings are like fucking death. At Summer weddings they always hand you a little hand fan like that's going to keep you cool. Fuck that! I want a portable air conditioner not some pansy ass fan. My abuelita used to wait in the car during the wedding with air conditioning blasting.

Here's JLove and her creepy boyfriend walking their pooch the other day. Her boyfriend looks like he just got out of the chokey on child touching charges.

Harrison Ford got loaded with Shrek semen at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards last night. That slime is probably what the inside of his catheter bag looks like. I'm yanking him! Harrison has still got it. I mean, he has the earring to prove it.

I actually sat and watched some of this shit. I only did it, because there were rumors that Brit Brit was going to perform. You know what happened the last time she performed, so I couldn't miss this possible mess fiesta. Not surprisingly, she didn't perform. It really hurts when people lie to you. Especially kids. Yes, I blame the kids.

So....here are some of the scallywags that came out for the children. Brendan Fraser's on-again-off-again fake hair needs to be turned off permanently. I'm starting to think it's actual grass grow on his head and he dyes it brown.

One day I really want to pour a glass of water all over the top of Asshole and Pete's heads. Those two would blow up just thinking about their perfectly straight hair possibly turning wavy. I don't think they could function if their hair was not straight.

Hollywood hos gotta show cleavage somehow. Pit Flap is sexy. Admit it. Katherine Heigl was the fug of the ball at the premiere of "27 Dresses" last night in Hollyweird. Kathy was joined by 27 look-a-likes who had to wear the movie's poster to promote the film. I think being a Kathy Heigl look-a-like is worse than wearing a movie poster. Kathy will always look like a flight attended to me. I mean she even has the hair for it.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was also there and if she's not pregnant she's really dressing like she is. I think she wants us to think she's knocked up. That way she can bitch about how she's not fat and that she's gorgeous and a size 2 and shit.

This is the last time I will address this subject.

 

I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.

 

A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

 

To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini – put it on and stay strong.

 

Xoxo

JLH