Hunks

And here we have Eric Dane with his chesticles out in Los Angeles yesterday. Ignore some of those douche-approved tattoos, they are for a movie role. Eric plays a football player in that Valentine's Day shit. That's the movie EVERYONE and their fuck time partner is in. Seriously, check your cell phone and I'm sure you'll have a message from the producers telling your ass to report to set tomorrow. The only ho not in that movie is Katherine Hagel's annoying ass, because they wouldn't pay her ass enough. THAT BITCH has the audacity.

You know, Katherine Hagel can be a total no-no killer. It's hard for me to get the tingles over these pictures of Eric, because I'm picturing Katherine's head floating around him with a ciggie hanging around him. I have to hold a nicotine patch up to the screen for her to go away. The same goes for Gerry Butler. Whenever I see pictures of him, Katherine's face pops up cackling at me! If she ever works with Mah Boo Anderson Cooper, I'm totally totally dry fucked.

These pictures of Marky Mark on the set of The Fighter (the same movie Christian Bale is fighting the hotness in a major way for) bring back the beautiful memories of his CK Chonies ad. It almost feels like I'm catching up with an old friend. Seriously, that ad and me were practically engaged. It might have been my first boyfriend. I would carry it around with me everywhere! I wouldn't leave home without it. In fact, I still have the paper cut scar on my no-no from our times together. One time, some dumb bitch at school caught me with it and asked why I had it. My response was, "I really like his music." Yeah, that's what I was calling dick bulges back then - music.

Anyway, it's nice to see Marky Mark's titties in top shape again. Although, the real scene stealer of this movie is going to be Melissa Leo's hair. BEHOLD!!!

This is what Carmela Soprano was trying to do to her hair for so many years!!!

71-year-old Robert Redford married 51-year-old Sibylle Szaggars in Hamburg, Germany over the weekend. Robert decided it was time to get handcuffed to misery once again, so he pulled Sibylle's name out of a hat and the rest is history. No, Robert and Sibyelle have been dating for a while. She's an artist type who lives in Sundance, Utah with her boo.

This is Robert's second time at the marriage rodeo. He was married to his first wife, Lola Redford, for almost 30 years. They had four kids together.

The Associated Press says that Robert and Sibylle are also planning a second wedding in Mexico. ATTENTION WHORES!

Congratulations to Robert and his new bride. However, condolences to the millions of middle-aged ladies who are punching their nipples this morning while screaming "IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME!!"

Nothing will make your genitals quiver faster than a dude hitting it from the back with his jeans around his ankles, a cowboy hat on his head and his grandma's cardigan over his shoulders. Right? But seriously, what was GQ going for here? I think they might have been inspired by (NSFW) Lurid Digs.

Seriously, I don't know whether to jump on that shit or clean up his room. That's the problem with being a clean freak. It sneaks up on you at the worst time. You could be trying to get your fuck on when you suddenly notice a pile of clothes just lying on the floor in the corner. You try to ignore that shit and get yours, but you can't help it. You just want to scream "YES! YES! I'M CUUUMMMMING! Now foldyourfuckingclothes!!!"

That being said, if the dick is top notch, you'll be so blinded that you won't even see the mess.

Anyway, here's more Channing Tatum in GQ. It looks like Mimi's ab artiste has been busy, because homeboy looked like this a couple of months ago.

So sorry to Justin Timberlake, Jared Leto and Bradley Cooper, but the role of the Green Lantern has been snatched up Mr. Panty Creamer himself: Ryan Reynolds. Variety says that Ryan will start shooting the movie this January for a June 17, 2011 release.

The Green Lantern is based on the comic about some ordinary human who was the power ring by an alien whose spaceship crashed on Earth. The alien was in town to find a human to take his place as the Green Lantern. Oh and obviously, the Green Lantern dude carries a battery powered lantern.

While my no-no agrees with this casting decision, I think the producers should change just a couple of things if they want this to be a blockbuster hit. So, instead of a stupid lantern, I think they should paint Ryan's peen green and stick a light bulb in its mouth. Yes, a lot of bitches will pay to see Ryan's sexy ass carry a lantern around, but more bitches will pay top dollar to see him wielding his bright green peen. And instead of wearing the power ring on his finger, he should wear it on his cock. Obviously.

P.S. -You know Tommy Girl's hongray Scientolohole just called its agent to request an audition for the role of the alien.

Chaz Bono made his first public appearance last night since announcing that he's saying "bye bye" to his bagina and "hi hi" to a peen. Chaz came out with his girlfriend Jennifer Elia to support Benjamin Bratt's movie La Mission at L.A.'s Outfest last night.

Benjamin told ET that he was doing the dick slappy dance, because he was so happy that Chaz came out to celebrate the festival, "I think it's pretty auspicious, I think it takes a great deal of courage to be here and be part of that personal celebration. I've never met him, but I'm looking forward to it tonight, so we're happy to be here."

If my fuck time friend had eyebrows like Chaz's girlfriend, I'd take that bitch out wherever I went too. If it wasn't for Jennifer's beautiful sperm fish brows, she'd totally look like she's a lolita from Long Island. I bet you Jennifer doesn't even have to pluck 'em! She just pours a little nacho cheese around the edges and Chaz nibbles those unwanted hairs right off!

If you aren't on your way to the emergency room, because your genitals exploded upon first sight of this scrumptious and delectable pepaw, read on. This is Donald and he will be the breakout star of Vh1's new reality show. Mark my words! You know you want to see this creampuff get crunk and slap a dude or barf on a bitch.

Donald is just one of the "millionaires" willing to shower Megan with cash on her new show Megan Wants a Millionaire. Megan is that one bikini-wearing ho with the pancake-face from Rock of Love and I Love Money.

Starting in August, the show will follow 17 millionaires as they try to buy their way into Megan's heart. Each week, Megan will quit a bitch who isn't paying up.

This is going to be some Rick Rockwell shit. Can you say "tax lien from the IRS"?

Vh1 has released pictures of a few of the supposed millionaires, but I've posted the hottest bitches below. None of them can fill a pair of panties faster than Donald, but they will still make you all puckery.

The paparazzi needs to work on their priorities. They have an extra-spicy cinnamon stick right in front of them and they decide to follow Katie Price instead. We've all seen her leather-wrapped medicine balls over and over again. I want to get to know that nekkid Adonis with the long grain nipples (just let me believe) and the enticing bald spot. If Katie's eyes didn't get so horny for the cameras, she'd realize her dream man was sitting behind her in all his glory.

Unfortunately, here's more of Katie (and less of that fine piece) selling it for the paps on a nakey beach in Ibiza yesterday afternoon.

Outside of Selfridges in London today, David Beckham unveiled his new six-story tall billboard for Emporio Armani Chonies. Whoever organized this event made the mistake of letting David Beckham talk. I'm sorry, but hearing him say something like, "Pip pip! Here's my sexy new undercrackers billboard! You like?" in his Minnie Mouse voice breaks boners. And I know I'm the only ho looking at his face (I already scanned the peen area), but where are his eyez! Face without eyez! Did Posh get so hongray that she ate his eyeballs?! Possible. Speaking of Posh, it must have been a little weird for Becks to pose all sessy-like with that rope seeing as though it's still fatter than his wife.

The Silver Fox turned 42 yesterday (he doesn't look a day over precious, right?) and he was thrown a mega surprise party while on air! Suze Orman and Kathy Griffin came to knock the dicks out of his mouth while at work and present him with a very expensive-looking cake. It wasn't as impressive as my Andypuss cake from Carvel, but it's a close second. Suze and Kathy sang to Mah Boo and tried to get kinky by strangling him with balloon strings. He's used to it. Mah Boo just giggled through the whole thing like someone was tickling his chesticles through their TV screen. Why are you all looking at me?

I couldn't attend, because of a really annoying thing called "security guards with taser guns." I was planning to hop onto the set in a fluffy bunny costume. You know, because that's what foxes eat. OW!

A little later, Mah Boo, Suze and Kathy attended the Gracie Awards. A little later after that, I'm sure Mah Boo made a wish and blew a skin candle or two. HAPPEH BIRFDAYS!