Salma Hayek

Who the fuck did this to Salma Hayek?! Her personal fake eyelash applier must be executed! This is not acceptable. It's also not acceptable that Salma kept her chichis to herself. Salma has the greatest chichis in the business and she must show them off. A falling lash and covered up chichis. I'm disappointed! Penny Cruz would not be pleased.

Salma attended the Cannes premiere of "Indiana Jones and the Battle for the Last Cialis Pill" tonight. Harrison Ford brought his mummy to the premiere. Oh, silly me. That's Calista Flockhart. The bitch looks so frail. She needs an Ensure. I've also thrown in some Cate Blanchett. Perfect as usual. Boooring.

No, I'm not talking about her baby daddy. I'm talking about a real beard! Salma Hayek has to wear fake pubies on her face for some circus movie she's shooting in New Orleans. This woman is a hot piece no matter what. At least they made sure her pube beard didn't completely cover her magnificent chichis.

Note to David Beckham: This is how you work a pube beard.

Here's more of bearded chichis with baby Valentina.

Salma Hayek told Glamour Magazine that when she was knocked up with her daughter, she was really hoping for a boy. She said, "I have something to confess, I wanted a boy. Probably because I was afraid. I think women suffer more a bit more than boys, and there is always conflict between mother and daughters.

"But now that she's here, I'm so happy she's a girl. And I can't imagine there ever being conflict between us, because I'm in a state of innocence where I love everything she does."

Lesbos usually want to have little boys. I'm the opposite. I don't know what I would do with a little boy. If I ever got pregnant (my ovaries are stronger than yours) I would want a girl. You can't put a boy in cute dresses and a tiara. Well, you can, but then they will grow up having major issues. Every pregnant chick I have talked to said they are hoping for a boy. Bitches don't want the competition!

P.S. - This pic of Salma is old as hell, but I miss her mega chichis.

VIA UsWeekly

Follow the flower to Salma Hayke's chichi kingdom! At least I think that's the flower or it could be a splattered butterfly. I'm not sure. Rich people are so weird. They will wear anything. Chichis! Chichis! Salma's chichis always make me happy. Probably because they look like the ample buttocks of a Czech twink!

Here's Salma at The Art of Elysium party in Beverly Hills last night.

Salma Hayek protected her young while leaving her NYC hotel yesterday. Paps were trying to get pictures of her baby, but Salma wasn't having it. She went after one photographer. Get them girl! She should have whipped off her top and jiggled those giant breasts around. She would have knocked them all out with just a couple of twirls. They would have been begging for mammary mercy.

Splash, Wenn

The gorgeous creature known as Salma Hayek made a rare appearance at Madonna's circle jerk last night. Although her giant pregnant chi-chis have deflated a bit, she is still perfect. I don't know why I get wet over her. She's so normal, but there's mystery there. I just want to hear her whisper, "Escandalo" over and over and over and over again.

That necklace is like a sparkling river cascading between two bodacious mountains. Her sugar daddy isn't bad either, but that's only because he's richer than Hannah Montana.

Wenn,Splashnewsonline.com

Salma Hayek is looking hotter than ever. She left her baby and oldie olsen boyfriend at home to attend the opening of the Sergio Rossi store in Beverly Hills last night. What Salma needs to do is stay away from Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe. Chupa looks like she needs the blood of a virgin STAT. I'm waiting for her to break out into hysterics and beg for the One Ring to finally free her. Chupa! Stop wasting Salma's time and go and get your ring back from Bilbo Baggins.

I adore Salma. Hopefully this is her only meeting with Chupa.