Paris Hilton

Wonky McValtrex is in London hawking her whore liquid in a bottle aka Can-Can aka Ca-Ca. Somebody needs to tell this slag that nothing can cover up her wonky skankness. Not even that giant wedding poo sitting on her head. It looks like the prototype for My Little Pony Parker's fugly ass centerpiece.

Katie Price recently said that she plans to move her family to Los Angeles. I think it's only fair that we trade Wonky for Katie. London needs to keep Wonky! She's your problem now. Approach her only if you're wearing a full body condom.

The chick with the blonde HGTV hair above won some Mother's Day contest from Wonky and Nicky Hilton. The prize included a shopping spree with the praying mantis skanks and their mother. I hope the woman got all her shots. I would have cashed out that prize and spent it on dinner at Hometown Buffet. If I'm going to catch salmonella, I might as well get it from delicious fried chicken than from Wonky's skank fumes.

Are times that tough for Sally that she has to get into bed with this common trollop? I hope Sally thinks long and hard about the damage she's done to her reputation while she's dipping her vagina in Antifreeze, because Wonky infected her with some jungle disease. Sally has always been a trusted name in discount beauty products and now I just don't know!

Wonky launched her line of whore hair in a box for Sally Beauty Supply in NYC today.

The bitch looks like she bathed in a tub of Motorex Wet Lube. Come to think of it, she probably did bathe in a tub of wet lube. It keeps the coochie scabies down.

I have a lovely message for you:

Stay the fuck away from us you nasty ass skank!!!!

Love,
The puppies, dogs, kittens, cats, reptiles, birds, ponies, bunnies and ferrets of the world

Hopefully, Wonky gets the message. Although, I don't know how she reads anything with that serious wonk eye. Silly me! That dumb skank can't read.

Here's Wonky terrorizing a poor soul at a pet store yesterday.

Wonky McValtrex's love has inspired Benji Madden to write her a song. You know GlaxoSmithKline wants to buy that shit.

Wonky talked about this nauseating tune to People, "He surprised me with it. It's called, 'Shine Your Light.' It's this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me." Wonky has forgotten about the time a dude drew a heart on her chest with his own sperm. That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her. How soon she forgets.

She went on to chirp, "He's my best friend. He's just different from any guy that I've ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he'd be there for me, no matter what." Can't you hear her saying that in a little girl voice? Will somebody please feed one of her warts after midnight, so that it can swallow her whole already.

Here's Wonky and Boy Douche being gross yesterday.

A pap filed a hit-and-run report with the L.A. Sheriffs Department after he claims Benji Madden ran over his foot last night. TMZ has video of the paps covering Benji and Wonky's car as they left Foxtail last night. You can hear one of the paps screaming as Benji allegedly runs over his footsie. Benji sort of checks things out and then takes off.

That pap just needs to walk it off. At least it wasn't Brit Brit! She would have ran over his foot, reversed and then ran it over again. That being said, the cops should throw Wonky in jail just because. Charge her with attempted murder!

Click here to see the video. Below is another shot of the pap's footsie. You know you want to lick the screen. Feet will always gross me out. I can lick an ear hole with no problem, but licking feetsies will always be off-limits for me.

First of all, that teddy bear was forced to hold that pillow. It doesn't love her. It loathes her. I told me so. Anyway, a Hyatt hotel in Moscow banned Wonky McValtrex for life!

Wonky reportedly scribbled "Paris Moscow 2008" with a black marker on expensive wallpaper in the suite she was staying in. Hotel bitches charged her $9,000 and told her to never come back.

A hotel spokeswhore said, “Miss Hilton ruined the wallpaper in the luxury suite. In such a case the client automatically goes on the black list.”

Wait until they find all the vagina maggots she left in their mattress.

Here's some pictures of Wonky with Boy George being skanky in Los Angeles yesterday.

Paris Hilton is planning a spectacular double wedding with Nicole Richie. Showbiz Spy reports that the two want to marry their boyfriends, The Madden Douches, in a double wedding to make millions from all the publicity.

Are these cunts 8-years-old? This is the kind of shit you joke around with your friends at a slumber party while waiting for the bras and panties to freeze. "We'll get married in a double wedding, with an ice cream wedding cake! You'll wear pink and I'll wear white. "

A source said, “Paris is doing it all for attention, as usual. It’s a publicity stunt, just like everything else."

Wonky has also been walking around town with a ring on her engagement finger. It's probably Benji's cock ring. She really does love him!

Here's more pics of Wonky being a skank slut yesterday.

This wonky bitch got herself another reality show. Paris will reportedly star in a show about pet grooming. For. Real. Wonky has signed a deal with Britain's Living TV to star in "Paris' Pooches," in which she will manage a pet grooming business on Bond Street in London.

A source said, “Watching Paris act out her Los Angeles lifestyle, in which tiaras for Chihuahuas are of real importance, should be very entertaining. And she will no doubt be hitting the clubs and parties over here in the same way she does back home.”

WTF! This dumb bitch claimed to have 600 pets living in her home at one point. I think she's also counting her crabs. She was also recently investigated for having 17 dogs. The limit in Los Angeles is 14.

The only reality show about animals this bitch should be on is "Animal Precinct." I would love to see a blast of doggy anal gland fluid hit this bitch's wonk, but she should stay away from the animals.

Besides, I doubt dog owner's are going to appreciate Wonky leaving their doggies in the closet to starve to death.

Source

Wonky McValtrex had an interview with a Las Vegas radio station yesterday and they asked her, "Would you rather have Kim Kardashian's ass or Jessica Simpson's rack?"

Wonky answered, "Gross. I would not want that." She went on to describe Kim's ass, "It's disgusting. It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag."

Paris is fucking gross and disgusting. The inside of Paris' stomach probably looks like a trash bag filled with cottage cheese due to all the chunky jizz she's eaten. Stupid skank!

Wonky quickly took it back and told InTouch, “I was just joking around and I made a stupid joke. I felt really bad afterward, so I contacted Kim and apologized. It was a silly thing to say. Kim’s hot!” Kim apparently accepted the apology.

They hate each other. Now is our chance to finally rid the world of the two biggest whores. We should have a "whore off." We'll stick a hard 12-inch dick in front of them and watch as they suck to the death.

Click here to hear Wonky calling Kim's ass "gross."