Paris Hilton

Why the fuck in skank disease hell isn't there a Hazmat tent over Wonky McValtrex because of that sore on her lip. For those of us not in Australia at the moment, we still have time to take shelter in our anti-Wonky safe houses, before the skank fumes seeping out of her sore make it to us. Sadly, those in Australia better head to the nearest free clinic, because you might have been infected with the wonk just by breathing in the same air as her. You'll know you've been diseased by Parasite when you're eye starts going wonky and your genitals start foaming at the mouth.

Here's the nasty piece of trash with her fake BFF terrorizing Australia while going to dinner today and shopping for fugly shit yesterday.

This is the kind of utter shit that is created when you give a worthless slut with a 4-year-old's brain tons of money. Wonky McValtrex took a perfectly good Bentley and doused it in Pepto-Bismal diarrhea. The Daily Mail says Wonky's new pink short bus cost her stupid ass $200,000.

Her big pink piece of trash car now matches her big pink piece of trash vagina! Actually, there's no way her snatch is pink anymore. That shit is the color of dead fingernails. Pink is the color of her wart milk. Sorry. I'm grossing myself out right before lunch.

With her new herpmobile, this dumb skank is basically asking people to egg that shit. Or at least write "I'm a dumb whore" all over it.

She will never be Angelyne.

Here's Wonky with her fake BFF being stupid while going shopping Hollywood yesterday.

Wonky McValtrex was burglarized last night after some bitches opened her unlocked front door and waltzed right in without a problem. Yeah, her front door is always unlocked and easy to get into.

The L.A. Times says that the burglary went down sometime this morning at Wonky's Hollywood Hills herp nest when she wasn't home. The burglars stole $2 million worth of her fugly shit including jewelry and other stuff.

The LAPD are at Wonky's house today looking at footage from the security tapes and talking to whores.

The burglars are lucky Wonky wasn't home at the time, because she would've jumped on their peens and fucked them to death with her toxic vagina. They are no match for the dick bandit.

And it's probably easy for the LAPD to find out who did it. They just have to check all the free clinics today for any dudes asking for a Valtrex prescription, because you know her jewelry is covered with her skank jelly. Especially, her diamond covered puss beads.

Last night on A&E's Intervention, they had this broad who was a raging alkie and sex addict. She would flash her saggy bits to old men and even bragged about fucking a hatchet murderer. Well, I'm afraid that Gerard Butler is fucking his way down that same road. The Daily Star claims that Gerry has hit rock bottom by getting "cozy" with Wonky McValtrex. Gerry, please just stick your peen in a garbage disposal. It will be less painful and not as humiliating.

A source said that the two tried to keep things on the down low while hanging out at Bar Deluxe in Los Angeles. Wonky even has a nickname for Gerry. She calls him Braveheart. Oh, shit. The dumb twat thinks she's fucking Mel Gibson, right? I bet she makes Gerry call her Sugar Tits. More like Acid Vag.

Actually, I don't believe she calls him Braveheart. That word is too long and complicated for her.

Once you are actually willing to stick it in Wonky's purgatory hole, it's time to strap on the chastity belt, lock it and then throw away the key. Seriously, Gerard must be tamed before we find him eating out a warthog or some shit. He is out of control.

Below is the post skank for Valtrex at some D&G party in L.A. last night.

Good morning! Well, it was a good morning until I saw this shit. This is exactly what happens when you hang around with Parasite Hilton too long (or too short in this case). It's 23-year-old Onch from Wonky's reality show where she was looking for a best fisting friend or something like that. Onch used to be a fine lady who carried herself with class and elegance, but a few seconds with Wonky and suddenly...this happens! It's Onch's inch!

Make a little room next to your morning bagel, because I have a few little skin grapes for you. Little being the key word. I think Chyna's monster clit is still bigger than this. And my no-no hole is holding itself in fear at the thought of what Onch did with that Tater Head after this picture was taken....

The NSFW version of this pic is after the jump. Remember, you don't have to click. You have a choice. You can turn away now and watch cartoons instead. It's your choice. Then again, it's just peen. Cat peen! JUMP!!

Disney is known for producing whores, but maybe that's become too much work for them, so they've decided to hire already established whores instead. Page Six says that Wonky McValtrex is lobbying to play the title role in the live-action version of Tinkerbell. And by "lobbying" I mean sucking as many dicks as possible to get the role. Even the night janitors at Disneyland!

Some source said that Disney is actually considering it. "Paris has worked on her acting chops lately and showed some comedy prowess in her YouTube spoof of running for president. Disney suits saw it and think she may be developing some comedic-actress potential."

If they want Walt Disney to rise from the dead to shut down the company for eternity, then they should cast Wonky. Although, I think it's more appropriate if they cast this skank in the pee pee porn version called TINKLEbell.

Wonky McValtrex and Benji Madden are reportedly no longer bumping ass warts which means they are out in the wild spreading their skank! While we're running for quarantine shelters, the bitches who make Valtrex are having a fun time parade! Their #1 converter is going back to work!

According to Star Magazine, Wonky quit Benji because he's too-controlling. When he found out that she was being gross with Nachos in Miami, he freaked out at her. Benji totally did the "smell the puss" test on her.

The source said, "She couldn't take his overbearing ways anymore. It was stressing her out. He can be very aggressive and he was just too much trouble. She felt she couldn't cut loose and party. He doesn't drink and doesn't think she should either. She felt too fenced in."

I think in Wonky-talk "fenced in" means that Benji wouldn't let other dudes space dock her.

Benji apparently is herpmatized, because he wanted a second chance from Wonky. "He fought for a second chance and asked if they could talk it out but Paris said she was done talking." That's because she probably already lined up two dozen rebound dicks.

You know that somewhere in the world Nicole Richie is eating her one chickpea lunch and screaming "Halleljuah" because she doesn't have to see Wonky's skank ass face at Madden gatherings anymore. It was bad enough that she had to play fake nice with her for the cameras.

Supposedly, Wonky McValtrex's war zone snatch belongs to Benji Madden, because they are all in love or some shit. Well, the other night in Miami, Wonky was back to doing what she does best: being a complete whorebag!

According to Star Magazine, Wonky reunited with Nachos at a party in Miami. Benji was nowhere around. One nosy whore told Star, "Paris and Stavros were all over each other. They were at the same table for about an hour and then they left together. It didn't seem like Benji was on her mind at all!"

Well, well, well, once a cum vac, always a cum vac! I never bought her new cleaned up image. She's a dumb bitch whore through and through. And she's not the good kind of dumb bitch whore either. Don't confuse her with classy skanks like Sienna Miller and Aubrey O'Day (HA!). Wonky is a bottom of the barrel busted bitch! She would probably lick her own butt raisin off a soggy peen. Nasty bitch! And yes, I'll tell you how I really feel.

If Nachos wants to get struck by Wonky's herp lightning again, then that's probably a good thing. It's better that they keep their genital fleas in one circle. I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish. It would be less painful and the wounds would eventually heal.

Below are a few pictures of Wonky and Nachos being gross in Miami. Nachos looks like he just fucking swallowed Wino's goody drawer.

I owe Todd Solondz a taint cleaning and a bag of my beloved Mother's ORIGINAL Circus Animal Cookies for bringing me the magic of Dawn Wiener in "Welcome to the Dollhouse," but I'm not sure how to feel about him now. You see, he's cast Wonky McValtrex in one of his movies. And it's not a snuff film!

Todd is working on a follow-up to "Happiness" and it sounds like he took a few long bong hits, threw some names into a pot, pulled them out and that was his cast! In addition to Wonky, the rest of the cast includes: Allison Janney, Charlotte Rampling, Ciaran Hinds, Pee Wee Herman, Michael Lerner and Shirley Henderson. They are currently filming this shit in Puerto Rico.

There's a scene in "Happiness" where a pooch licks up some jizz and then licks on a woman's face. Maybe Todd wants to re-create that scene using a dumb ho instead of a dog for the sequel and knew Wonky would be the only nasty bitch who would do it for scale?! Why else would he bother casting her ass? Casting a worn-out dildo would've made more sense.

Allison Janney and Charlotte Rampling sharing a screen with Wonky?! Okay, movie-making people, the fun and games are over. It's time to pull the plug.

When the biggest skeezer in the entire universe, Wonky McValtrex, first meets a dude, instead of shaking his hand, she shakes his dick....with her pussy. This is why the skank shouldn't be surprised that humans with peens only see her as a jizz bank and an ATM.

Wonky cried fake tears out of her one good eye and told the News of the World: “Every other guy I’ve been out with has used me for money or sex - but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people. After a while I had to start questioning exactly why somebody wanted to be with me."

The sad part is that she's barely even good for sex! I've seen her sex tape and the bitch lays there like a salamander on Ambien.

Wonky is barely figuring out what we've all known for years. When a dude has you listed as "cum bag" in his cell phone, maybe you should pry open your wonk eye with your skank hand and get a clue.