Bai Ling

TMZ reports that Bai Ling was arrested at LAX yesterday for allegedly trying to steal two tabloid magazines and a pack of batteries. The batteries were probably for her dildo. Bai walked into the terminal shop in the afternoon and walked out with the items totaling $16. She was put under citizen's arrest by one of the gift shop employees. She was taken to the airport police station where she was booked for theft. Sources say she was crying, but was cooperative.

Oh Bai! She should have just said she forgot to pay and gave them the money. Better yet, she should have just started singing and broke into her routine of "I Touch Myself". They would have surrendered to her and let her take the items and probably hand over a few more items just to keep her quiet.

And what the hell is Bai sniffing in that picture above? I don't even want to know.

Obviously, Melissa Joan Hart has not seen "Dumplings." It's this horror movie with Bai Ling where she plays a woman who makes dumplings out of fetuses. The dumplings make you look younger. I know it's a movie, but still. I shouldn't say that, Bai is probably extremely gentle with fetuses. She looks like she's having an intense conversation with Melissa's unborn baby. Bai swears the baby is talking back to her and promising that when it gets out of there, they will go on a lovely journey on a unicorn past the ice cream kingdom and into the cotton candy desert.

The baby probably just kicked, but Bai's ear hears differently.

He's Melissa, Bai and Melissa's hot fuck husband at his album release party last night.

Wenn

I know Bai Ling dresses Bai Ling, but she needs to fire herself as her own stylist. This outfit looks like the fashion show from "Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead" and every character in "The Chronicles of Narnia" crashed into each other and exploded all over Bai Ling.

Here's Bai molesting Santey Claus at the "Remember to Give" party last night. Being molested by Bai must be painful. Her nipples are like ginzu knives and could cut through soda cans.

BONUS! Below Bai is that hot ass fashion show from "Don't Tell Mom....." I swear this is the hottest fashion show in the history of fashion shows.