Elderly
Thursday, December 13th 2007
Liza Needs A Vacation
Liza Minelli collapsed on stage in Sweden yesterday and was rushed to the hospital. Liza was only a couple of songs into her set when she fell off the stage and was caught by her production manager. Give him a raise!
61-year-old Liza was discharged from the hospital and flew back home to the States. The cause of her condition and reason for collapse are unknown, but a witness said she looked in pain during her performance.
Give her a little whiskey and she'll be ok. Wait, she's off the sauce. Ok, give her a little Hot Toddy. Wait, that has booze in it. Ok, a little hot water and a vicodin. Wait, that's not a good idea. Shit, the only way I know how to get better is with booze and pills!
Hang in there Liza. Take a vacation!
ShareThis
Monday, December 10th 2007
Back To His Old Tricks
There's the teaser poster for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Viagra. They could've at least tried to age Harrison Ford just a fucking bit. I'm ashamed to admit that I actually love that Indy shit.
The newest Indy flick comes out in May and also stars Shia LaDouche, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, John Hurt and Jim Broadbent.
They should've went for a homerun and brought Kate Capshaw back. They could've had her butcher "Anything Goes" again.
Source: Coming Soon
Thursday, December 6th 2007
That Was Fast!
They barely finished filming a couple of weeks ago and there's already a "Sex and the City" teaser trailer out. The movie doesn't hit theaters until May 2008. It looks like the same shit, but with more money. Think of the re-touching bill alone?! It's about 4 old crows fighting over the last sugar-free Jello cup. Not really, but basically.
If I have to hear Sarah Jessica Parker say "Hello Lovaaaaaah" one more time I'm going to go down on Cynthia Nixon's fug bitch girlfriend and that won't be pretty for either of us.
Click here if you're having trouble with the video
Thanks Andie
Wednesday, December 5th 2007
Russell Simmons Is Flexible
Dang grandpa! 50-year-old Russell Simmons and his girlfriend, Porschia Coleman, got a little limber in Miami yesterday. So, that's how Russell gets the ladies? Yeah, that and the fact that he's a gazillionaire. Actually, the poses he's doing are sort of easy, but still.
Yoga makes me fart.
Friday, November 30th 2007
Rumer Parties With Her Pepaw
Pepaw is right! Bruce Willis needs to stop going out with his daughter. He looks beat. He needs to stay home, sip on a cup of chamomile and fall asleep to reruns of Matlock. He's getting too old for that crap.
Here's Brucie with egghead at the opening of Goa nightclub in Hollywood last night.
Friday, November 30th 2007
Papillons Are Silly Looking
Hide the children! The grinch is in town for Christmas! Awww...I'm joking. I like Lauren Bacall, because she doesn't give a fuck. She looks like she's about to eat the photographer alive.
I need a papillon in my life.
Friday, November 30th 2007
Both Of Them Need To Shut Up
Courtney Love and Sharon Osbourne's old bitch brawl may be headed to court. Sharon blamed Court for introducing her son, Jack, to Oxycontin. He quickly became addicted to the drug and Shar will never forgive Court. Courtney denied her claims told Sharon to "fuck off."
Shar told The New York Daily News, "I'm glad she doesn't like me. I only pity her. She's a virus. I don't want her anywhere near people I love. The cold, hard fact is she's a has-been." A never-was calling someone a has-been, now that's rich!
What the hell is Sharon going to sue Courtney for? These oldies need to stop the fighting and hug it out over a plate of Werther's originals and a Ben-Gay back rub.
Thursday, November 22nd 2007
Happy Turkey Day!
That sexy beast, Kirk Douglas, and I would like to wish you all a happy and drunken Thanksgiving! I am most thankful for all the dumb whores that read my site! Yes, that's you. Seriously though! You are a dumb whore. Ok! Secondly seriously, I'm thankful that some people actually enjoy my stupid ass sometimes. Ok, that's enough of that mushy shit.
Please have a drink on me...or two....or three....or a couple of bottles.
Bonus! Here's Dolly Parton and her piping hot cornish game hens at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade today.
I'm off to get stuffed!
xxxMichael
Tuesday, November 20th 2007
Playgranny
102-year-old Nora Hardwick from England has become the oldest women to appear nude in a calendar. Nora agreed to pose in a calendar to raise cash for her local football team, Ancaster Athletic.
The Miss November said she downed a shot of whiskey before doing it. "I'd never done anything like it before - and I doubt I will again. I just thought 'go for it' and I'm so glad I did!"
You can't tell from the picture above, but she is topless. Those titties are probably hitting the floor, but she's topless!
Source: The Sun
Thanks Glenn
Sunday, November 18th 2007
Tom Cruise Has Never Looked Sexier
*Image Removed Per Request*
Who's that sexy thing? It's our favorite little wackjob, Tommy Girl! Here's Tommy on the set of "Tropic Thunder" in Los Angeles. I guess TG is making some sort of cameo in the movie directed by Ben Stiller. It also stars Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, Nick Nolte, Matthew McConagay and some other skanks. Katie Holmes is also rumored to be taking a role.
The movie's about a bunch of actors shooting a war movie that find themselves actually fighting in a real war. It's out this July.
Tommy around all those men? He was probably brought in to fluff. It also looks like he's borrowed Katie's fake pregnancy bump! I'm glad that fake bump has gotten a second life.
He's honestly never looked better.
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