Kate Hudson

Kate Hudson split up from Owen Wilson a few weeks ago and she's already boinking another dude. Well, you can't keep the vagina vacant too long or it gets sour! According to People, Kate spent this weekend with Lance Armstrong in Austin, TX. The two had dinner on Friday and Saturday night. A witness said, "They looked like they were having fun." Having fun? That means she's having his baby.

A source told The Daily Mail that Kate is very happy with Lance, "Kate and Lance have been dating for a couple of weeks. She thought it was funny when people were writing recently that she was engaged to Owen because the reality was that they had split again and she was secretly seeing Lance. She and Lance are both physical, passionate people – she's never been happier."

Lance is close friends with Owen. Both of them also used to date Sheryl Crow. I'm telling you. All these Hollywood skanks date each other. Next week, Kate will be dating Sheryl Crow and Lance will be back with Jake Gyllenhaal. Those two are soulmates.

Owen Wilson finally woke up from his 2-month walking coma. People reports that Owen and Kate Hudson have split up - AGAIN. The two started dating in 2006, but then they broke up and started dating again 2 months ago. There were rumors that Owen popped the question, because Kate was spotted wearing an engagement ring. The ring was a prop for her movie "Bride Wars."

A source close to Owen said it was a bad breakup for him, "Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn't want to dwell on it. He wants to put it behind him." A source close to Kate said, "She feels dumb thinking it was so serious." A source close to me said, "Who gives a rat's fuck hole?!"

Now Owen is free to date Jennifer Aniston or Reese Witherspoon. Kate Hudson is free to date John Mayer or Jakey Poo. I mean, they all date each other. It's like one big boring key party.

Owen Wilson is planning to marry Kate Hudson a year after he tried to off himself over their break-up. Yes, commemorate one tragedy with another! The News of the World reports that Owen proposed to Kate in Miami and wants to marry her next year. The Florida humidity must eff with some of these people's brains. Owen marrying Kate? Aniston and Mayer?

A source told The News of the World, “Kate supported Owen during his low patch and that proved to him she’s the woman he wants to be with for ever. He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional.”

Screw Kate! Owen should marry his one true love, Woody Harrelson! Nobody understands him the way Woody does. Mary Jane can be the maid of honor and a hookah pipe can be the best man.

Kate Hudson looked like he was having some sort of wardrobe malfunction during the London premiere of "Foolio's Gold" today. That's what the bitch gets for stealing one of Blanche Devereaux's dresses. It's too small for her ass. Kate needed an extra pair of Spanx to suck her in even more. Matthew looked like he tried to help her, but that stoner isn't much help.

Somebody go throw some sand, sweat and pig blood on Matt. He looks too clean and that obviously makes him uncomfortable. Shit, throw some patchouli on him! That crap reeks like butt oil. It does and don't try to tell me otherwise, hippies.

It tortures me to say this, but Kate Hudson does not look that bad with Smurf sperm all over her head. I bet Jokey was the lucky Smurf. He looks like a massive shooter. Kate should consider keeping it. It's like when you put blueberries on bland oatmeal. It kind of makes it interesting for a second.

Here's Kate in Boston today shooting the romantic-comedy "Bride Wars." I can't wait for the sugary gross trailer. All those romantic comedies use some kind of sappy oldies song for their trailer. I'm thinking Bride Wars is going to use "You Can't Hurry Love." Totally.

Things between Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are getting serious.....again. Seriously stupid! Owen's shrink needs to change up his medication, because obviously it's fucking up his judgment. Gatecrasher reports that Kate is apartment hunting in NYC and wants Owen to live with her.

Friends say she's ready to settle down, "She is ready to nest and has even been talking about having more little ones. She is relieved to be more settled again. She really felt as if she were testing her limits going out while she and Owen were separated."

Testing her limits? That bore! Heavy petting on the first date is probably Kate's idea of testing her limits.

Here's Kate shooting her new movie "Bride Wars" with Anne Hathaway in NYC yesterday. The movie is about two best friends who are battling it out, because they are getting married on the same day. The title should be changed to "Bride Tards," because why can't one of them just change their wedding date?

Pregnant or just a little bloat? Yeah, I don't think she's knocked up either. Kate Hudson is just suffering from a little thing called "skinny fat." I suffer from that awful condition too. One time I had skinny fat in a bad way, so my mom told me to stick my ass up and force the farts out. She said that would ease the belly bloat. I didn't want to tell her that sticking my ass up in the air wasn't going to solve my skinny fatness. If that was true, I'd be a fucking twig. My ass is always up....oh forget it....too much information.

Here's Kate in Miami, hopefully getting a tan.

I usually can't stand Kate Hudson, but she has redeemed herself with me. Kate was recently asked how she feels about being compared to Katherine Heigl. You know, because both are blonde and dumb with the initials K.H.

Kate said, "Who is she? Oh, that girl in 27 Dresses? I just don’t think about that stuff.”

What a bitch! She knows exactly who Katherine Heigl is. That's right Kate. You tell them. There's only room for one no-talent K.H. in Hollywood.

Here's Katherine Heigl....I mean Kate Hudson....looking knocked up in Miami yesterday.

Not this shit again. Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are back at it according to reports. Apparently, Owen was seen leaving Kate's house last week and returned later in the day. The two broke up last May and have been linked to other people since. Let's see....Kate is supposedly dating Justin Timberlake who is supposedly dating Jessica Biel. I think the next natural thing to happen is for Owen and Timberlake to date. Then the slut world of Hollywood can continue to rotate.

I hope Owen has learned his lesson with Kate. She makes him do awful things to himself. Yes, she does. Besides I doubt it was Owen leaving her house. It was probably Ellen Degeneres. Ellen and Kate are totally fucking.

File this under: They probably got the names mixed up! Page Six reports that Kate Hudson and Justin Timberlake have been seeing each other for about a year. Kate has been linked to Owen Wilson and Dax Shepard the past year. Justin has been linked to She-Hulk Biel.

A source said, "Kate is very private and refuses to be seen with him in public. She doesn't want to be humiliated like Cameron Diaz was when he dumped her. But they talk every day on the phone and see each other often." Reps for both Kate and Justin deny they are dating.

What the hell? Do reporters and writers just draw names out of a hat and decide who will be dating this week? Kate and Justin do make sense though. Both of them are probably the most annoying bitches on the planet. Maybe their annoying personalities would cancel each other out?

Hudson better beef up her security. She-Hulk Biel isn't going to like her woman being linked to another chick. She's going to throw a car at her ass or something. Hudson better watch out.