Olsens

 

Look! Gollum has crawled out of his cave, escaped the Misty Mountains and is now living in Los Angeles! Mary-Kate Olsen was spotted leaving a liquor store with boxes of Corona. She's probably prepping for NYE, because you know she can't handle that much beer. One sip and troll is probably laid up on the bridge. Damn. Now I'm craving a boilermaker.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peta launched an attack on the Olsen twins devoting an entire site to them and dubbing them Hairy-Kate and Trashley Trollsen. At first it was reported that the twins didn't give a fuck and would keep on doing doing. Page Six reports that those hot trolls want to somehow kiss and make up with Peta.

 

A source said, "The Olsens want to make peace with PETA."

 

I call bullshit. The Olsens don't give a fuck about no one besides the animals they catch near their bridge to skin and wear.  

 

If anything they are calling a "truce" with Peta to trap them! They will somehow get into the Peta HQ to steal their valuable fur inventory! Don't underestimate those hot trolls. 

 

 

 

Ashley Olsen isn't the only one getting a little action lately. InTouch reports that Mary-Kate Olsen was all over "Brothers & Sisters" star Dave Annable at Teddy's in Hollywood.

 

A source said, "They were all over each other, they looked as though they couldn't get enough of each other! They were holding hands, cuddling and kissing throughout dinner." The pair were also seen at Chateau Marmont last week. 

 

Dave apparently recently split with his girlfriend. So, let's see...the Olsens have been linked to Lance Armstrong, Josh Lucas, Nachos, Max Snow, David Katzenburg and who knows who else. Effing their way through Hollywood. SLUTS!

 

It's weird to me that all these dudes are caught making out with the Olsens in public. It's a little weird, because they are like little girls. Little dirty, girls. It would be like making out with one of the Goonies. I mean just imagine making out with "Chunk." Not hot.

 

 

 

 

 

Peta has gone after the Olsens dedicating an entire website and MySpace to them. They have dubbed them "The Trollsens" and individually named them Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen.

 

They are going after the twins for wearing fur and also including it in their fashion collections.  

 

Peta said, "No one would argue that Mary-Kate and Ashley could use some meat on their bones, but the last thing they need is hair on their backs." 

 

Their MySpace reads: " Hi, we're Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen, and like most trolls, we live under a bridge and wait for furry animals to walk by so we can skin them and wear them as hats. Because we're celebrities, we don't have to live by the same rules that ugly people like you do, and if we want to wrap ourselves up in someone else's skin, or drape our bodies in the rotting remains of someone's family, we totally can! And boy, do we ever. "

 

Like the Olsens give a fuck. They live in their own troll bubble. They probably don't even know what the internet is. They can't be bothered with petty things like that. All they know is high heels and Marlboro Reds.  

 

 

 

Celebrity Babylon has some pics of Ashley Olsen throwing a lit ciggie down to the floor. How dare she! Call the cops. I wanna see that troll run from the fuzz in those shoes.

 

Arrest her! Throw her in the slammer. She's small enough to fit in a hamster cage and could survive on a diet of peanut butter and crackers, so tax payers would save money. She could even live on my desk, but she better not even think of using the hamster wheel in the middle of the night while I sleep.

 

This bitch is still the hottest troll in all the land. And what the hell is in her Fuji bottle? Tangerine Crystal Light? 

 

 

 

 

 

Selma Blair is newly single , so maybe that's why she was hugging all over Ashley Olsen at the opening of the Kiki De Montparnasse in Los Angeles last night. She acts like she's never seen a troll before. Didn't she eat Keebler Clubs as a child?

 

Ash looks thrilled to be there. She's thinking "just give me the free shit you promised, so I can go back to the bridge."  

 

 

 

 

 

Who knew if Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen were dating, but if they were they've moved on. Lance Armstrong was seen "canoodling" at a Nascar party in NYC last night with fitness model Kim Strother.

 

A witness told OK! Magazine, "They were completely into each other the whole time. I didn't see them kissing, but she was sitting on his lap at one point and being very affectionate."

 

I thought all fitness models were lesbians. She has her arm around him like she's one of the guys. She's whispering in his ear, "Dude check out the rack on the redhead over there."

 

As for Ashley Olsen she was spotted "canoodling" with Josh Lucas at a party for The New Museum in NYC two nights ago. Lance was also at the party and witnesses seem to think Ashley was trying to make him jealous. Naw, she's just a horny troll.

 

A source said, "They were meant to be watching one of the acts but they were cuddling up instead. She was all over him."

 

I just can't keep track with Hollywood hos. Ashley is dating Josh today and tomorrow he will be dating Kate Hudson who will be dating Lance Armstrong the next day who will be dating Ashley again. It's a vicious circle

 

 

 

Mary-Kate Olsen lives! She was spotted in NYC today. Homegirl was hospitalized last week or something for like a kidney infection. She probably ate a pea and it got stuck in her esophagus. I mean imagine how small her esophagus is. Like a drinking straw. 

 

MK was coming out of Bubby's in Tribeca which was closed down very recently by the health department due to rats and coaches. That place is delicious, but I don't want rat caca in my waffles or do I?

 

Let's hope the health dept. doesn't see these pictures or they may close them down again thinking a giant rat was on the premises. Awww....I take that back. She's not a rat. She's a tiny little dormouse. A little doormouse with big, red Ray-Bans.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mary-Kate Olsen was hospitalized in NYC yesterday for some kind of kidney infection. The 21-year-old was brought into the ER yesterday reports People.

 

Her rep says, "Mary Kate got a kidney infection. She's resting comfortably and will be released in the next day or so."

 

Does "kidney infection" mean "not eating" in troll talk? Aren't you drinking cranberry juice MK? Add a little Vodka to it for extra infection-killing powers. My doctor told me that. Dr. Grey Goose. 

 

Her kidney is probably the size of my thumbnail.

 

 

Mary Kate Olsen better thank those hot ass shoes for making her look so gorge at the 7th On Sale Gala last night in NYC. She's almost 4 feet tall thanks to those beauties! She needs to send a pair to the Shauna Sand Shoe Fund.

 

I don't know who that dude is, but he looks like he wants to suck my blood.