Olsens

Am I Right? I can only tell them apart because MK Olsen's eyes always look like they've just been doused with wet cocaine. Anytroll, here are the two covers for the Trollsen's new coffee table book "Influences." I shouldn't say "coffee table book." We're talking about the Olsens. I'll say "coke cutting table book" instead.

The book is out October 18th and will be filled with pictures and interviews with a bunch of dumb whores who have shaped their lives. I'm thinking it will be filled with pictures of various bridges, tree trunks, unicorns and an interview with the makers of Shrinky Dinks. Seriously, I'm convinced these trolls are really Shrinky Dinks.

Source: ONTD

This shit is seriouly becoming a regular feature. After I posted Mischa Barton's cheap panties and Angelina Jolie's "weist" thinning massage hoop, you guys sent in even more shit found at the 99 Cent store. You are some cheap bitches! I just bought some generic sodie pop and dish liquid there. I'm sure that dish liquid is going to melt my dishes.

Above is a luxurious tank top featuring an Olsen Troll on its packaging. I'm sure it's part of their fashion line, The Row, which is only sold at the 99 Cent store and Barneys. The people that put this shit together really need their own Photoshop Award. They don't even fucking try.

Below are a couple of costume bags with Dubya and Rob Lowe on the cover. Hmmm....the Dubya one probably isn't Photoshopp. That's probably a real picture.

"Mary-Kate seriously needs to get to rehab, but she doesn't think she has a problem. She thinks she's young, hip and entitled to live her life as she sees fit. But it's affecting everything." That's what some inside source told Star Magazine. Why do inside sources always talk like entertainment reporters? Young and hip? Ew.

The source claims MK is one messy troll and that she's been partying all the time and binge drinking. Okay, "binge drinking" for her is probably like two sips of a beer a night. Seriously, that tiny troll totally gets drunk from just sniffing rubbing alcohol.

The source also said MK visited some holistic spa to detox, but that didn't stop her partying ways. Of course not! Detoxing is just to prepare yourself for the next round of binge drinking. Drop and reload!

Now I don't know if this messy troll needs rehab for booze problems, but she should seek help for wearing those Arthur the Aardvark sunglasses in public.

P.S. - I love the picture of Tommy Girl with Xenu handles. It gives John Travolta something to hold on to while he's riding that alien pony into the next dimension.

Spencer Pratt has made the biggest mistake of his douche life by lashing out at the evil troll known as Mary-Kate Olsen. Spencer responded to MK telling David Letterman that she went to high school with Spencie and that he has a bad temper. That's all she said!

Well, Twatty Pratt fired back to UsWeekly, "I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me. I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."

I'm sure MK is crying into her piles and piles of money. She's probably so upset that she's shitting into her piles of money. Scratch that. Evil trolls don't go doody time.

Twatty messed with the wrong evil troll. MK will get her revenge! He should stay away from bridges and large trees for a while.

Yesterday, I talked about how seeing the Olsens smile makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Well, watching and hearing one of them talk is worse! Mary-Kate Olsen was on Letterman last night to promote that Wack movie or whatever it's called. It looks like that little evil troll got a hold of some of the bad stuff, because she looked stoooooneeeeeed. She said she was just "tired," but that's what all stoners say when they are stoooooned. I also couldn't take my eyes off her yellow baby fingers. They looked like tiny bananas. And her voice is like that of an evil California troll with a bunch of taffy in its mouth.

She talked to Letterman about a bunch of boring shit like sleeping on a bus to Nashville for her birthday and how she went to high school with Spencer Pratt. Letterman seriously despises Spencer and is plotting his downfall. Yeah, what downfall? You can't fall from the bottom.

Anytroll, MK would probably be fun to smoke out with. She'd giggle the whole fucking time. You'd tickle her and play with her banana fingers. She would eventually let the evil takeover and she'd put a spell on you. That would be the end of you.

Here's MK saying "prune" outside of Letterman yesterday.

When evil trolls smile, something bad is going to happen. Mary-Kate Olsen has been smiling too much lately which means the end of the world is near. She's already set up her safe shelter in a tree trunk underneath a bridge and filled it with dead squirrels and big girl shoes.

MK showed her evil troll teefs at the premiere of "The Wackness" in NYC last night. This is the same movie where 22-year-old MK makes out with 64-year-old Ben Kingsley. Sir Ben told People, "She was completely in charge."

For Sir Ben's sake, I hope MK didn't use tongue. Feeling baby lizard tongue go down your throat will eff you up for life.

ONTD posted a bunch of pictures of MK Olsen, Nicole Richie, her tampon boyfriend and a bunch of other twats at some birfday party. A flannel themed birfday party. How in dyke hell are they going to throw a flannel party and not invite SamRo and HoHan?! SamRo has a special pair of boxers for parties like this.

The party also featured a pinata, most likely filled with crack rocks and Hoodia. These whores should have really considered throwing a bubble bath party instead. These greasy skanks look like they could use a wash or two...or....three....or ten thousand.

I feel for that dog.

A friend of twin trolls, Ash and MK, claim they say the word "prune" while getting their picture taken to achieve the perfect pout.

Another source could not confirm this explosive new tidbit of information. They told OK! (via MSNBC), “It could be true (that they say prune) but unfortunately I can't say — they like to keep their personal lives personal. They do care about their smiles though. Mary-Kate has slightly thinner lips and more of a playful grin, while Ashley tends to go for a full-on pout. It has been the obv(ious) way to tell them apart for years.”

They probably chose the word prune because that's the only thing they eat all day. The source could have also heard wrong. They were really saying the word "poo" because their laxatives were starting to kick in.

The glamour twin trolls known as MK and Ashley Olsen are turning 22 this Friday and Peta wants your help in creating the perfect Birfday gift. Peta has asked sluts to send the Olsens a piece of their hair with the note, "Please, use my hair instead of the animals'. Happy birthday." Sucio! Wait, does pubic hair count? I can't promise that there won't be a dead crab on it, but that's their problem!

Peta, who has devoted an entire website to "The Trollsens" said, "Mary-Kate and Ashley are old enough now to know that fur doesn't grow on trees. We hope that on their birthday, they will take a moment to think about the many animals who won't live to see another birthday thanks to the twins' abominable taste in clothes."

Methinks that on their Birfday they are going to eat a couple of cows, skin a few rabbits, stuff a few raccoons and whip a few kittens. They will do all of this while laughing at Peta.

Seriously, those Olsen bitches will probably take your hair, make a wrap out of it and wear it over their chinchilla fur. I'm going to send those greasy ass trolls some soap and shampoo instead!

Source

Seeing people fall down makes me laugh, but watching an evil troll hit the ground is hilarious. It's no joke though. Whoever made MK's troll ass fall down last night will pay dearly. They probably woke up with their dick permanently in their ass and face covered in warts. Those diabolic Olsen trolls know black magic! Dark-sided!