Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez looks absolutely stunning, because she's wearing 50 pounds of make-up and fake hair. Take that all away and she'd look like any other broad serving me delicious fried chicken at KFC. Marc Anthony is trying hard to look remotely human, but I'm still not convinced. He's the living dead.

When JLo, Marc Anthony and Jim Carrey all showed up to the TomKat wedding in Italy, everyone wondered what on Earth these fools were doing there? Everyone assumed that they all met through the CAA agency, but apparently Scientology has a lot to do with it.

Jim Carrey is apparently beginning courses and JLo is already using phrases and speaking to others about the strange cult. Reps for both deny that this is going on. Skeletor aka Marc Anthony is said to be wary, because he's a devout Catholic and believes in God NOT E.T.

JLo may be seeking Scientology help, because she can't get pregnant.

Pfft! Scientology can have them! They belong with the crazies anyway. I just don't understand how they can throw their money away like that. Don't you have to give like 20% of your income or some crap? Eff that! I can buy an E.T. doll for $5.99 and worship to that for free!

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JLo has denied that she's receiving IVF treatments in order to get knocked up, but she may be looking to start a family another way. Sources close to JLo and her husband, Skeletor, claim that she's in the process of adopting a child from Puerto Rico.

The couple are looking to Puerto Rico, because both of their parents are from there. A source said, "Jen and Marc are dying to have kids but it just doesn't seem to be working for them. Jen realizes she's not getting any younger, so they've jointly decided that adoption may be the answer to their prayers."

They are having difficulty? Well, the difficulty is that skeletons don't have sperm and frigid bitches can't have kids! I think that if they are going to adopt a baby, they should at least have Marc wear a mask fulltime. What poor infant wants to look death in the eye at such a young age?

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JLo showed that she likes to go commando in jeans as she left her hair salon in Los Angeles. Doesn't the denim rub against her lips? Sick, she must have some sturdy lips. Actually, did all that junk in her trunk break her g-string?! It's trying to make a run for it.

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