George Clooney

 

George Clooney has bet Michelle Pfeiffer $100,000 that he will never EVER marry again. Years ago Michelle bet Georgie that he would get married. She said the bet has gone from $100 to $100,000.

 

She said, "I still think he will, he's a handsome devil."

 

Georgie, 46, is currently dating 28-year-old Sarah Larson.  

 

Georgie will never get married, because gay marriage is not completely legal in this country and the only person in the world he wants to marry is me. I would have a sex change for him though. Who needs a dick when you have a Clooney? And yes he's looking like a used up piece of toilet paper lately, but I'd still gladly wipe my butt with him.   

 

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George Clooney must be straight. Look at the man bag. Wait! Maybe that bag is his beard.

 

I'm not sure how I feel about the man bag/messenger bag anymore. I mean what does Georgie need to carry? He should have the girlfriend carry his crap while on crutches. Bitch has to work for her pancakes.

 

Georgie go with something a little more pretty and delicate like you. 

 

Here's George leaving his hotel in NYC today holding on to his boo-boo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Clooney and his girlfriend, Sarah Larson, showed up a little bruised and battered to the NYC premiere of his movie "Michael Clayton" last night. In case you were busy jacking it to old Facts of Life episodes starring George this past weekened, he was involved in a motorcycle accident with Sarah. Sarah suffered a broken foot and Clooney suffered a broken rib.

 

Damn! Did all the wheelchairs at the venue get rented up or something? He's probably telling her "Walk bitch walk! I think Bradley Pitt is here and I need to see some of that action. Move it!"

 

It's hard being Georgie's beard. He makes you work for your money.

 

 

 

 

 

In case you haven't heard, George Clooney busted his ass in a motorcycle accident yesterday afternoon in NYC. Ok he didn't bust his ass, but he busted his rib. Clooney and his girlfriend, Sarah Larson, were injured when his bike hit another car on a road across the Hudson River.

 

Clooney was treated for a broken rib and scrapes while Sarah was treated for a broken foot at Palisades Medical Center in North Bergen. They were released later yesterday.

 

His spokeswhore issued this statement, "He's doing fine. He has a broken rib, it's very painful and it'll take a long time to heal." 

 

The accident is currently being investigated.

 

Clooney is in town filming "Burn After Reading" with Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand. His recovery will not affect production.

 

Georgie, while your beard is recovering you're going to need a good nurse. While I don't have the technical skills required to be a proper medical nurse, I have mastered the only skill that is truly required: ass to mouth. 

 

Get better Georgie and take care of that beard!

 

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George Clooney truly needs to lose the beard! It doesn't belong. It's not very attractive and frankly it makes me feel a little uncomfortable. It does nothing for him.

 

I'm not talking about the one on his face.

 

Just joking! Georgie loves the ladies. Here he is with his new thing, Sarah Larson, at the Jesse James premiere last night in NYC.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously who cares about George Clooney's new girlfriend? I just wanted a reason to post that pic above. Sexy.

 

Back to the girl. Clooney has been showing off a new girl while doing the film festival circuit in Venice and France. Her name is Sarah Larson and she's apparently some model. I'm guess she's actually a call girl. Only call girls wear skirts like that! It screams "I'm trying so hard to be classy, but inside I'm really a whore."  

 

 

Splash

 

 

George Clooney says he's not ill, he's just on a strict diet. After pictures of George shirtless hit a couple of weeks ago, some speculated that he was suffering from some kind of illness. I love it when it's men it's called "illness" but when it's women it's called "anorexia."

 

Anyway, George explained his strict diet and exercise regimen,  "Well, we do a lot of aerobics, a lot of dance, there is a lot of jazz-ercise, the ab-master, there's the butt-blaster or whatever it's called. And also there is a lot of yoga."

 

Jazz-ercise?! This bitch is joking! I don't think it's the weight loss, I think it's the lack of sleep or something. Bitch looks drained and tired. He should also keep the clothes on. He looks like Gollum!

 

I'd still race gerbils with him, though. Wait, that's Richard Gere. FUCK! I always confuse those two.

 

 

 

 

I just want to jump through the screen, take George Clooney's hot pepaw ass to the Bliss Spa where we can slather ourselves in Cucumber seeds or whatever they slather on you and then slip into a comfy bed where I'll sing him a lullaby while brushing his beard with a silver comb. Bitch is looking beat.

 

I'll even drive his ass to Indiana where we can borrow some sleeping pills from Holly (see below).

 

Here's tired George and that hot Snow Queen of a woman Tilda Swinton at the Venice Film Festival. 

 

 

 

 

Vanity Fair magazine has come out with their annual International Best Dressed list. Gisele Bundchen is on the cover. You can click here to see it.  Half of these people on this list I don't even know. Here it is, I know you've been waiting all your life for this:

 

Charlotte Gainsbourg
Princess Alexandra of Greece
Marjorie Gubelmann
Princess Mafalda of Hesse
Fran Lebowitz
Michelle Obama
Bee Shaffer
Tilda Swinton
Ivanka Trump
Renée Zellweger

 

Tiki Barber
Jonathan Becker
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Lapo Elkann
Richard E. Grant
Lenny Kravitz
Luis and Rafael Medina
Hidetoshi Nakata
Nicolas Sarkozy
Gay Talese

 

David and Victoria Beckham
The Earl and Countess of Cawdor
Damon Dash and Rachel Roy
Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen
Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
David Lauren and Lauren Bush
Viscount and Viscountess Linley
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Ruben and Isabel Toledo

 

Alba Clemente
George Clooney
Marina Rust Connor
Anderson Cooper
Sofia Coppola
Jemima Khan
Anna Piaggi

 

No CoCo! No Phoebe Price! No Dreamboat Doherty! No Harvey! This list sucks ass.

 

 

 

 

The National Enquirer (I know, I know) has reported that Angelina Jolie isn't so fond of George Clooney. Angelina reportedly is afraid that George is trying to get Brad Pitt to cheat on her. Yeah, cheat on her with him!

 

A source close the couple said, "Angelina hates the whole 'Ocean's Thirteen' -Rat Pack phenomenon. She can't stand the boys gang thing, which is why she's never liked George Clooney. She was always afraid that when Brad was in Las Vegas filming 'Ocean's' Clooney was trying to lead him astray."

 

Please! That boy is whipped! You could put a golden chocha in front of him and he'd tuck his balls in and walk away. He is addicted to that Jolie vagina. 

 

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