Oprah

Sorry Oprah, it's too late for you. Tommy Girl's gay alien clutches have already gotten to you!

Why is Tommy Girl looking at Oprah like she's a 10-inch dick? How the hell high are they? The altitude is obviously fucking with Tommy Girl's alien brains, because he looks like he wants to deep throat Oprah.

Oprah is thinking, "Save me Gayle."

The only person that needs saving is the poor sucker that took this picture. That bitch is probably permanently traumatized by the coming together of these two enormous egos.

Above is a picture from Tommy Girl's interview with Oprah which airs this Friday on her show.

Source: UsWeekly

I have no idea what Tommy Girl is whispering into Oprah's ear in the picture above. My guess is that he's telling her Xenu has a big dick. So......as you know, Tommy Girl is returning to the scene of the couch-jumping incident. Oprah will interview Tommy in two-parts. YES! Two-parts of crazy. The first part will air this Friday and features an already taped interview at Tommy's Telluride, CO. estate.

E!'s Marc Malkin reports that Oprah said they talk about Scientology, the couch-jumping incident and Tommy's crazed Matt Lauer debacle. Oprah also said that Tommy gave her a ride on his "snowmobile." How exciting. NOT.

I really hope Oprah also throws water on Suri to see if she malfunctions.

The second part of the interview will be taped at Oprah's studio in Chicago. That shit will air on May 5th and the focus will be the 25th Anniversary of "Risky Business."

I'm not expecting much from this two-part mess. It's going to be watered down and highly edited. Who cares about his stupid ass snowmobile? I want to see his Xenu butt plug and Scientology sex dungeon. They should have brought Jenny Jones out of forced retirement to conduct this interview. That bitch asks the tough questions. Where the hell is Jenny Jones anyway?

Tommy Girl's crazy ass is returning to the Oprah show. Tommy hasn't been on the show since 2005, when he freaked everyone out by declaring his fake love for Katie Holmes. Oprah's fugly leather sofa-thing was never the same again after it was violated by Tommy.

MSNBC's The Scoop reports that the show will most likely air during May sweeps. The focus of the show might be the 25th Anniversary of "Risky Business."

Sources claim that other celebrities have been invited to the taping and it will be an "A-list affair."

They better make Tommy Girl recreate "the tighty whities scene." Even Oprah's audience of middle-aged horny cougars won't be able to contain their laughter.

Speaking of laughter. Tommy Girl's cackle mixed with Oprah's cackle will make us all certifiable.

Oprah's expose on puppy mills aired today and she dedicated the episode to her "one true love" Sophie. Oprah played a lovely montage video of Sophie her servants worked on. Oprah said she had not seen it yet, so you know what that means.......spidery tears! For serious! Her false eyelashes must be sealed with liquid nails.

I admit that I felt the intense urge to squeeze out a wet one from my beady eye, but it didn't happen. I did feel a little warmness in my chest, but that could have been from my Mexican lunch.

The one thing I realized after watching this touching tribute to Sophie is that I want a montage video of my own when I bite the big one! We all should have one. I can't count on the lazy whores in my life to put one together, so I'll do this myself. It will be set to Foreigner's Cold As Ice. That seems fitting and it might make my movements in the montage video look more graceful.

Oprah will dedicate an entire show to her late dog, Sophie. When I first read the headline, I thought Oprah was going to have a memorial show for her dog with a special performance by Celine Dion singing "My Heart Will Go On." Unfortunately, that's not the show Oprah is dedicating to Sophie. It totally crossed her mind though. The show dedicated to Sophie will focus on investigating those shitty fuck puppy mills.

Oprah said, "Sophie gave me 13 years of unconditional love. She was a true love in my life." The other true love is Gayle. Sorry Stedman.

The show will air on Friday. Lisa Ling will travel into mills to see the horrific conditions. Oprah said the show is "for anybody anywhere who loves a dog, has ever loved a dog, or just cares about their basic right to humane treatment." Sophie was purchased from a breeder, but Oprah said she would only adopt a pet from a shelter from now on.

I hope Oprah sent Paris Hilton a special copy. I also hope Oprah releases the names of the puppy mills, because you know the Oprah crazies will launch a Heather-Mills-style attack on them.

Source

Thanks M

Gayle King has moved into a penthouse in NYC under the name of Oprah's dog Sophie. Sophie recently kicked it for that doghouse in the sky, but her name lives on in Gayle's own doghouse. Page Six reports that the $7.1 million penthouse was purchased under the name Sophie's Penthouse LLC. It has three bedrooms, 31/2 baths, a large living room/dining area, and a 768-square-foot wraparound terrace. Damn! Oprah's whores live large. Spitz doesn't have anything on the O!

Sophie's Penthouse LLC has a nice ring to it, but Oprah's Bitch LLC would have been more fitting. That company name is probably already taken by Dr. Phil.

Oprah's first dog, Sophie, passed away on Monday. What?! Close shop! We must mourn. A source at Harpo Studios told Celebrity Dog Watcher that “everyone here is really sad…Sophie was truly part of the Harpo family — as well as Oprah’s.”

13-year-old Sophie suffered from kidney failure. Last year, one of Oprah's other dogs, Grace, died after she choked on a ball. Oprah, stop leaving your anal beads around the house!

Sophie will no doubt be buried in a coffin that costs more that what we make in a month...COMBINED. She deserves it. I can tell she was a good soul just by looking at her tongue flopping out of her mouth like that.

Gracie and then Sophie? Foul play! Something tells me a certain King is involved. She just can't stand sharing Oprah!

Oprah now has two beautiful new lawsuits on her desk for two different things.

The first! Oprah is being sued by a woman who claimed the reality show "Oprah's Big Give" was her idea. Darlene Tracy pitched the idea for a show called "The Philanthropist" to Harpo Productions in 2005. Darlene's show wanted to challenge contestants to help the needy. This is exactly the same premise as Oprah's new reality baby. In 2006, Darlene tried to get the show from hitting the air, but a judge shot her down. Darlene has now hired a lawyer and filed an appeal. Harpo productions told the NYDN, "We agree with the judge that [Tracy's] claims against Harpo Productions, Inc. are without merit. We are confident that the Court of Appeals will agree that Tracy has no claim."

Darlene has a better shot at giving birth to Angelina Jolie's next adopted child then winning a lawsuit against Oprah Winfrey. That's like if I sued Jesus! Darlene better lock her doors at night, sleep with one eye open and keep a Gayle King photo near her bed. You don't eff around with Ope.

Now for the second lawsuit! Orit Greenberg is suing Harpo after she claims crazed Oprah audience members caused her to fall down the stairs. Orit said she went to a taping of the Oprah show in 2006. She was kept in a holding area with the other audience members. A staff member then instructed them to enter the studio and sit wherever they wanted. That's when all hell broke loose and people started charging the studio like...well...like they were at an Oprah show. Orit was knocked over and fell down some stairs. She blames the Harpo staff for not controlling the crowd. She wants $50,000 in medical expenses and for other shit.

Orit won't see a penny of Oprah's money. Like I said before, she's fucking Oprah! She doesn't stand a chance!

Sculptor Daniel Edwards is responsible for the Britney Spears giving birth statue and the dead Paris Hilton one. He tackles Oprah for his latest work. He calls it "The Oprah Sarcophagus." He said that he is paying homage to the closest thing America has to a living deity. Great, jack her off more. That's just what she needs.

Oprah's probably wet queefing over this one. Actually, Gayle King is probably going to buy this shit. She's going to place it in her bedroom next to her Oprah "real doll."

Source: Daily Mail

Ellen Degeneres can keep the title of TV's favorite bitch, because Oprah has her own TV channel. Another one! Oprah has reached a deal with Discovery Communications to operate the OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. Discovery will give up its Discovery Health channel to OWN. The channel was started in 1999 has over 70 million subscribers.

Oprah will have complete control over OWN, but they are currently looking for a CEO. Please, you know she's going to give it to Gayle. Oprah said, "For me, the launch of 'The Oprah Winfrey Network' is the evolution of the work I've been doing on television all these years and a natural extension of my (syndicated daytime) show."

She went on to say, "I will soon control the world and your souls!" No, but she wanted to. What about the Oxygen Network? I know she's too good for them now, but that shit is good. Any network that produces "The Bad Girls Club" is fine by me.

The OWN channel is going to be so boring. It's going to be Oprah preaching to us 24-hours a day about how we need to listen to her ass and shit. She's right, but still. I don't want to hear it!

She just needs to run for leader of the universe and get it over with. Put us out of our misery.

Source: USA Today