Beyonce
Tuesday, December 18th 2007
Over Beyonce's Dead Body
Are Destiny's Child going to reunite? Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle have reportedly been inspired by the Spice Girls reunion and are thinking of working together. Inspired? More like jealous of the Spice Girls.
Kelly said, "This current spate of reunions has given us ideas. Despite what people say we are all still really close. A couple of weeks ago Beyonce did a show in Los Angeles and asked me and Michelle to join her on stage to sing 'Survivor'. The emotion was incredible and it felt so good to be back up there with the girls again. It was a real tear-jerker. The fans were crying and going nuts. It was magical. I'd definitely like us to do more stuff like that."
Basically, Kelly is saying, "I need the cash. Bitch is broke!" I don't see Beyonce doing this shit unless they change their name to Beyonce And The Others.
Saturday, December 8th 2007
Could've Been Worse?
Beyonce sang "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" for Movies Rock which aired last night. You know it wasn't as much as a roller coaster of shrills as I thought it would be. Usually Beyonce takes up to the skies and then crashes us into the ground and brings us back up with all her ooohing and aaahhhhing. She kind of tamed it down. KIND OF. I still had to turn the volume down on her ass.
That dress needs to be thrown over the rainbow for good never to be seen from again.
Click here if you're having trouble with the video
VIA ONTD
Wednesday, December 5th 2007
I Need A Personal Umbrella Holder
Beyonce and other celebrities have right the idea. Holding your own umbrella is so cumbersome. I have loose wrists (NO JOKES! YOU HEAR ME!?) so a personal umbrella holder would do me good. Think of all the things you can do if you had someone holding your umbrella? You could keep your hands in your pockets, you could keep them at your side, you could slap someone and pull their hair, you could pet a dog and molest his owner at the same time, you could hold a cup of coffee and talk at the phone at the same time. It opens up a whole new world!
On the flip side, you'd have really have to trust the person holding your umbrella. They could easily play a joke on you and leave you all wet. I really wish that man did this to Beyonce. That would be funny.
Here's Beyonce, her P.U.H. and Jay-Z in Paris for Jay-Z's Birthday.
Monday, December 3rd 2007
Squeeeeeeeze
Tina Knowles is making her daughter, Beyonce, work hard for the beauty. Beyonce looked like she was about to bust a rib at last night's "Movies Rock" event. They probably had to sew her ass in with fish wire. She's posing like that, because she can't breathe.
Beyonce later performed "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" during the show. More like "Somewhereereeree aaah uhhhh ahhh ooooooveeeeeerrr thaaaaa uhhhhh ahhhhh raaaaainboooow uhhhhhh ahhhh!!!" No, she's not having a seizure! That's how she sings.
Monday, November 19th 2007
I Don't Wanna Know About You!
WHY?!!!!! Beyonce joined Sugarland onstage at the AMAs last night for a country version of her song "Irreplaceable." My ear drums are irreplaceable Beyonce and you don't seem to care!
It was truly horrendous. It was like a bad "Saturday Night Live" skit starring Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph.
Although hearing that country bitch sing "you must not know about me" kind of made my night.
It was nice of Beyonce to recycle one of Bette Midler's old jackets from "Big Business." Beyonce thinks green.
Thursday, October 11th 2007
What Is The Point Of This?
The Beyonce cell phone?! What the fuck?! Samsung unveiled the new, limited edition "B'Phone" today. Basically, the thing is a piece of junk! Her weave glue is probably worth more than that cheap ass phone. The phone does come with a song she recorded when she was a little girl.
Beyonce told Billboard, "When I was 10, I recorded a song called '632-5792' -- a phone number. It's a little embarrassing but it's cute. There's a recording of that song on the phone exclusively for my fans. I wanted to make sure people got a feel for who I really am. It's only through this phone that you can get this close to my life."
This bitch is FULL OF CACA! Beyonce stop letting Daddy Knowles pull the strings. He's making a foolio out of you! She wants her fans to know who she is through a phone?! That is soooo touching...NOT!
Bitch just wants to get paid! Let's be real!
I wonder if the phone teaches you how to lip-synch, lie your age, make sure that weave is tight and backstab your best girlfriends. Just like B!
Thursday, September 20th 2007
Beyonce Washes The Blonde Out
Beyonce finally left the honey blonde or whatever the hell her color was and went dark. Definitely an upgrade. However, she should've stayed away from curling her hair using the Little Tykes curling iron. She has a My Little Pony 'do.
Here's Beyonce leaving the party for Diddy's new fragrance in NYC last night.
Sunday, September 9th 2007
Arroz Con Pollo
Beyonce told Latina Magazine that she wishes she was born Latin. Some people are offended by this statement, but I think it's just Beyonce kissing ass. If it was Dog Fancy, she'd say she wishes she was born a dog. Matthew Knowles probably programmed that response into her.
B said, "I'm just jealous that I wasn't born Latina. I wish I had been because the culture is so beautiful."
Homegirl should've left it at that, but she kept going.
"I noticed a big difference between speaking to all of the Latino stations and speaking to the pop stations or the other stations. With the Latino stations, there was so much love and everyone is so genuine."
Can't wait what Miss Info and Wendy Williams are going to say about this. They are going to tear her a new one. If these statements came from someone with half a brain then it would probably be a little off, but Beyonce has no idea what the hell she's talking about.
Source: TMZ
Friday, August 24th 2007
Yes, Please Cover It Up
Beyonce is the latest performer to be asked by Malaysia to keep her ass covered and tone her show down. Most recently Gwen Stefani had to completely re-vamp her wardrobe in order to perform in the country and not face fines or death. Ok, just fines not death, but I thought death sounded good.
Beyonce's concert organizer, Pineapple Concerts (I like that name, they'd be my organizers if I had a concert) said, "Beyonce won't be able to do the kind of show here that she does elsewhere. It's a pity to restrict her because her costumes are all tasteful and glamorous."
Last year The Pussycat Dolls were fined $4,400 for ignoring decency laws. That's it?! They should've been thrown into whore slavery.
The country's guidelines state that female artists must cover up from their chest to their knees including shoulders. Even though Gwen Stefani did this, they still weren't happy.
"Outside, she still wears sexy clothes and influences teenagers who idolise her. It's bad to have immoral artists visiting Malaysia."
Xtina decided to skip the country on her tour of Asia, because she couldn't tone down her slutiness.
Thursday, August 16th 2007
The Family Business
Solange must hate hate hate hate Beyonce! The beauty gene obviously landed on B and then bounced right over S! Daddy Knowles probably makes sure Solange always looks like the homely one. He doesn't want anyone taking the spotlight from his beloved B.
Here's Beyonce and Solange with their mom, Tina, at the launch of their fashion line "Dereon" in Toronto, Canada.
Those frocks look dead cheap! You know after Beyonce finished this photocall, she's like "get this cheap ass shit off of me! My skin is going to rash!"
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