Sienna Miller

Yeah, I don't believe it. Sienna Miller is like me. We don't have hearts, we have genitals. Our genitals get sad, but our hearts don't. Unless, we watch a melancholy and touching movie involving talking animals. That's a different story. Anywhore, the Daily Mail reports that "heartbroken" Sienna escaped to the Virgin Islands to be with her daddy (her real daddy) after Balthazar Getty flew to Los Angeles to be with his wife and family.

Balthazar is apparently trying to make his marriage work for the sake of his 4 children. His wife, Rosetta, is also interested and agreed to talk to him over the weekend. Rosetta probably took a long, hard look at the prenup and realized she was better off being married to his skeezy ass. A source said, "He was on the phone to Rosetta on and off for two hours, crying and constantly calling and she finally agreed to let him back in the house. In his mind he has definitely dropped Sienna but he's in a very confused state at the moment. His biggest fear is losing his kids."

He can't drop Sienna. She drops him. That's how it works. Besides, he's probably vaginatized.

He told photographers outside of his home, "I can’t comment. When I’m ready, I’ll issue a statement. It’s because of the children." The children! The children! He obviously wasn't thinking of the children when he had his lips on Sienna's skank nipples.

Sienna has apparently been frantically calling and texting Balthazar. A source said she's also going to fly to Los Angeles to try and win him back. No...No...No.... Sienna, don't do that shit. You've had the dick, you've got the cum stains to prove it and now it's to move the fuck on. Besides, Balthazar may never see his share of the Getty fortune. What is the fucking point? Get yourself some dick that pays in the end. Well, "pays in the end" in more ways than one.

Earlier this week, Balthazar Getty stated the obvious by announcing he has split up with his wifey after he was caught being slutty with Sienna Miller. TMZ reports that Balthazar has been e-mailing with estranged wifey, Rosetta, and saying shit like, "I love you." Sienna probably already dumped his ass. Married men aren't fun anymore when their separated from their wives. Kind of kills the thrill. Hollywood wives better put a dick belt on their husbands because Sienna is cumming for them!

A source claims that even though Balthazar's pepaw is a billionaire, he hasn't seen any of the family money. Rosetta supported his ass until he got the "Brothers & Sisters" job.

What is the point of being married to a Getty if you're not bathing in $100 bills every night? I mean, Balthazar is hot and everything, but he looks like he has an "innie" and I'm not talking about his belly button.

Rosetta better not take his skeezer ass back! Instead, she should make him think that if he does a bunch of shit for her, she'll take him back. She should make him videotape himself shutting a desk drawer on his peen. Or make him use his urethra as a mouth to say, "My name is Little Balthazar and I am stupid, fugly, piece of trash who ruins lives." I do that shit in the bathtub when I'm bored. Don't judge!

Sienna Miller plays a hippie in her new movie "Hippie Hippie Shake" and she shot a nude scene for it, but there seems to be a little problem. Sienna is like a baby down there and that doesn't really fit with the whole "free love" 60s vibe. They didn't want to use a merkin because her chocha would've ate it, so they decided to add a coochie bush in post production.

A source told the Mirror, "A merkin or pubic wig simply wouldn't have done the trick, but luckily computer wizardry came to the rescue. Sienna's private parts were digitally enhanced, giving her a rather unruly, loud and proud bush."

I feel sorry for the poor bitch who had to spend hours looking at Sienna's bare punane. The poor bitch probably got gonorrhea in the eye just from staring at it so long. And yes, you can get gonorrhea in the eye. I know this for a fact......um.....because one of my friends had it......uh huh....

Sienna Miller has filed a lawsuit against Big Pictures, The Sun and The News of the World for publishing pictures of her with her titties out in the open. The lawsuit, filed today in London, claims her privacy was violated. Sienna may have a vagina like a boxing glove, but she ain't too swift in the brains department. If you don't want anyone to see you cavorting around topless with your married boyfriend, then get a fucking room.

Sienna has a history of suing bitches over nude photos. This past December, The Sun and TNOTW paid her skanky ass almost $80,000 for publishing nudies of her.

I'll admit it. I love Sienna Miller because immoral sluts need to stick together. I know, you can slap me in the teeth later. As much as I adore her slutty ways, this lawsuit is lame. Besides, they're just chichis. Chichis that we've already seen!

Image: Mr. Paparazzi

Balthazar Getty wants you to know that he has split up from his wife of 8 years. You know, just in case you didn't figure it out for yourself after seeing pictures of him groping Sienna Miller's slut sacks (NSFW).

Balthazar issued this statement:

"Herro. My name is Balthazar and I'm a dumb, cheating whorebag who purses his lips in every stupid picture he takes."

No, this is what he really said:

"The breakdown of a marriage is a very difficult and painful experience especially when children are involved. In light of the fact that many pictures have surfaced in print and on the Internet which has caused myself and my family great embarrassment, I felt it necessary to at least acknowledge publicly that yes indeed my wife and I have separated and I will not be commenting any further."

Maybe he should've thought about that before he frolicked out in the open like a horny puppy. Wait, do puppies even get horny? That didn't sound right. Pupophilia is wrong.

Anyway, why couldn't Balthazar act like a normal person and keep his affair behind closed doors (aka the local Motel 6)? And Balthazar (I like writing his name) left his wife for the wrong slut. Sienna Miller is going to move on to the next dick before he can say "syphilis."

Source: People

Isn't this a lovely sight? Topless Sienna Miller kissing her new married boyfriend Balthazar Getty. Yes, that's his wifey's name, Rosetta, tattooed over his heart. I know you want to blame skanky Sienna, but she's not the one who's married with 4 kids. I mean, his youngest kid is not even a year old!

Sienna's vagina can't help it! Besides, we've all done sexy times with married men at one point or another, right? It's one of the final initiations into the "Slut Bags With No Morals Club."

The Sun has a few pictures of Sienna and Balthazar "canoodling" and kissing while on vacation in Italy. These dumb sluts seriously don't give a fuck. Sienna's vagina needs major therapy, because it obviously has major issues. And if Balthazar wasn't such a slimy skeeze, I'd hit it. I'm lying. I'd hit it anyway.

Sienna Miller's got a lightning fast vagina. It wastes no time in finding another peen to keep it warm. It seemed like it was only minutes ago that Sienna dumped that Rhys Ifans dude and she's already linked to another dude. And that other dude is married! Hey, a dick is a dick to Sienna. Even if the dick has a wedding ring, she doesn't care. Actually, she might like that even more.

Sienna has reportedly been doing sexy times with Balthazar Getty. He's married with 4 kids, the youngest born last October. Sienna and Balthazar met through his "Brothers and Sisters" co-star Matthew Rhys. Balthazar is also an heir to the Getty Oil fortune.

A source told The News of the World that they are trying to keep their affair quiet, because...well....you know. The source said, "They daren't go out together, so they spend most of their time inside. When they do leave, they go separately."

Balthazar's wifey apparently left their home in Los Angeles, taking their kids with her, after she heard about his affair with Sienna.

About a month ago, a reader wrote me and said she had dinner next to Sienna and Balthazar in Prague. She said they were "making out" and talked about "how they were so into each other." She sent me a few shots of them saying goodbye. The dog is obviously ashamed for Sienna. That poor bitch doesn't want to be associated with homewrecking trash like Sienna!

And Balthazar is a major dumb fuck for messing with his money like that. Hopefully, his wifey takes everything, even that stupid ass hat, and leaves him broke. It upsets me when people screw with money like that. Money first, orgasms second.

Sienna Miller has reportedly dumped Rhys Ifans for a final time after she found his shaggy ass going through her text messages. This is why you password protect all your shit! I once got slapped by an ex-boyfriend because his meth-addicted ass went through my e-mails and found a sexy one sent to me. GET THIS SHIT! The e-mail was spam! Spam is pure evil. When the fugly dumb whore figured out it was spam, he didn't even apologize. Password protect your crap or you could get bitch slapped!

Rhys found text messages to Sienna from her ex, Matthew Rhys. Sienna dumped Matthew last year and started dating Rhys right away. She really likes those Rhys dudes. Jonathan Rhys Meyers is next. He doesn't know it yet.

Sienna flipped out when she found him going through her shit. A source told The Sun, “She compared him to a spotlight shining in her face all the time. He is heartbroken they have split. Sienna feels really sorry for him because he had slotted into her family perfectly, but she couldn’t cope with his suspicious and jealous behaviour. When they are together they get on so well. But she can’t cope with his jealousy.”

She dumped his ass last week over the phone. She should have done it by text message. I always like to use the popular phrase, "I QUIT THIS BITCH!" Simple and to the point.

Sienna will have new dick by end of next week.

Sienna Miller is reportedly close to splitting up with her alleged fiance, Rhys Ifans. Sadness. I really wanted to see Sienna in a bohemian mess of a wedding dress. The reason for this lovely pair's possible split? Jealousy! You see, Sienna loves partying and flirting with dudes and Rhys doesn't like it.

A source said, “Rhys gets very jealous - he hates her socializing with other men and always wants to know where she is and who she’s with. During a row she yelled at him: ‘It’s just like being with Jude’. Rhys freaked out, because he prides himself on being the laid-back opposite of Jude. But he just gets worked up seeing men admiring his girlfriend and trying to hit on her.”

“Rhys still seems madly in love with her but everyone’s speculating Sienna has grown out of the relationship.”

Rhys seems like a lovely dude, but Sienna can't help. She's a hardcore slut through and through. I'm speaking from experience. You can't change a slut's spots. Seriously, you can't, because a doctor hasn't invented the right ointment yet. I've tried everything to fix my slut "spots."

It sucks, because they really look lovely together. How often are you going to find someone that shares the same shade of Miss Clairol as you? Never!

You know Marilyn Manson ordered Evan Rachel Wood to scour the vintage stores and replicate Dita Von Teese's outfit or else! If she doesn't do it, she'll have to sleep in the coffin again.

Here's Dita looking like Lovey Howell as she tried to avoid the sun at the Coachella yesterday.

Dita recently said that she does whatever it takes to keep her baby powder skin from getting tan. She said, "I never go sunbathing. My worst fear is looking down and seeing brown, wrinkly cleavage. It will get white and wrinkly, but there is no need to rush it. I pack vitamins to stop the sun doing anything to me. Some foods accelerate tanning, so I'm very careful about what I eat." Damn. The woman has dedication. I get up, go piss, put on some sweats and call it a day. Dita probably spends 2 hours picking her outfit and then another 2 hours picking out shit to eat that won't tan her skin.

Below are some other twats at Coachella including Sienna Miller, Kelly Osbourne, Kimbo Stewart and Melanie Griffith. They don't hold a candle to Dita's glamour!

Is it just me or does Melanie look like she's suffering from cokey mouth?