Sienna Miller

This might be some kind of record! Homewrecking hero Sienna Miller has been dating DJ Slinky Wizard (that name gives me the farts, still) for over a month! Yes, Sienna's bull dozer vagina has been dormant for that long, because DJ Slinky Wizard isn't married! You know the housing market is in the shits when even Sienna Miller isn't touching it (GONG!).

And while DJ Slinky Wizard's hotness registers at about 92 degrees on my scale, I hope Sienna doesn't have to call him that during sexy times. Can you imagine screaming DJ Slinky's name while he's hitting it from the back? That'll turn your fuck part into a sad face in 0 seconds flat.

Will someone please fetch Anna Wintour a glass of room temperature virgin's blood, because I think she's got a few of her intern's souls stuck in her throat. It's making her throat look obese. Heads will roll for this!

Here's the cryptkeeper of Vogue wearing something that Mrs. Roper queefed up at the premiere of The September Issue in NYC last night. That shit is a documentary about the making of Vogue's mighty September issue. Sienna Miller was there, because her vagina sensed large amounts of married dick in the area. And because she's on the cover of Vogue next month.

Other hos at the premiere were Cassie (who was working a half "The Legend of Billie Jean" buzzcut), Marc Jacobs, his piece, Zac Posen, everyone's favorite lemon-faced beard, Melania Trump, her big sack of money and Diddy.

I guess those OMGNOWTFCANTBE rumors that homewrecker hero Sienna Miller was freaking on a dude who doesn't have a wife at home proved to be true. Sienna stuffed her wrecking crotch into a virginal white bikini to frolic on a yacht in Ibiza with her new piece, DJ Slinky Wizard. You know, the sluts of the world need to bow down to Sienna, because her skills of slutiness knows no bounds.

Bitch is a better slut than me, because I don't know if I could suck face with a dude wearing a baby pink Yankees visor who goes by the name DJ Slinky Wizard. Let me clarify that: I don't know if I could suck face with a dude like that outside of a rave and not under the influence of Ecstasy. But that's not stopping Sienna. Sienna really makes me want to be a better slut. Get on that raver's glowdick, Sienna!

Well, kick me in the ass bone, because Sienna Miller has found a new man that won't get his wedding ring stuck in her vag when he finger bangs her. JOY! The word on the street (aka The Mirror) is that the homewrecker icon has quit Balthazar Getty for the trillionth time and is now knocking it with DJ Slinky Wizard (real name: George Barker). They met earlier this year and are planning to go away together when she finishes promoting G.I. HOmewrecker.

A source said, “Sienna and George is still a pretty casual, low-rent thing but they’re both really happy. George is a good, all-round guy and they have friends in common. He’s not famous and isn’t interested in fame. He’s also single which is a massive coup. George is really into his music and has been introducing Sienna to new stuff, and even given her a go on his decks. They’ve talked about a holiday together and Ibiza has been discussed. It’s early days but things are looking great.”

DJ George is known for playing trance music which I haven't listened to since my raver days. Sienna probably likes it, because it soothes her normally spastic snatch. Seriously, when DJ George spins, Sienna's pussy blisses out. That's a good thing for the wives of married men everywhere.

You know, I'm just happy that Sienna got herself some new dick! She was really starting to piss me off by screwing on the same stale peen over and over again. That wang expired a loooong time ago. What the hell kind of self-respecting mega slut rides the same ole' man bone? I'm glad Sienna finally got her priorities in check. Welcome back.

If you're interviewing the dick bandit known as Sienna Miller for that G.I. Joe shittery, there's only name you need to bring up and that's Balthazar Getty's. Just a whisper of his name from an interviewer will cause her wrecking ball bagina to swing around the room and destroy everything in its path! DO IT!

Adam Richard of Australia's FOX FM's radio interviewed Sienna by phone and immediately brought up Balthazar. Well, before he did that, he called them "scrags" and "bitches." Oh, Adam, let me snuggle up into your kangaroo pouch, so that I can learn a few things.

When Adam teased Sienna about Balthazar, she responded with: "Oh, piss off! You've called us scrags, bitches, knocked-up. We are not here to talk about him. But, yes, I know him and everything's good, thank you. What a scoop! Congratulations! You're really, really clever!"

And with that, Sienna's thieving snatch flew into a rage, ran off and snatched the first married peen it could find! When some hos get mad, they gorge themselves with cake and pies. Sienna gorges her vagina with wedded wang!

SCRAGS BITCHES!

VIA The Sun

Cock robber and icon to all mega sluts with zero morals (I bow down), Sienna Miller, said that she almost lost her saggies on the set of G.I. Joe. when a fire ball got a little to close to them.

During a press conference for the movie in Sydney, Sienna said, "Luckily it wasn't my breasts, it was the bit in-between. It got a bit burnt when an explosion got a bit close."

I wonder if Balthazar Getty's wife worked in the explosions department on G.I. Joe? But what I really want to know is, how did her titty alley get burned a little, but her nipples still lived to the tale? Hmmmm. Something in the milk ain't! Maybe the truth is that Prince Hot Ginge tried to chichi fuck her and she couldn't take the heat?

Rub my chest with SPF INFINITY, keep the fire extinguisher close and come at me, Hot Ginge!

Image: Bauer Griffin

Sienna Miller needs to follow Balthazar Getty's finger and get the dick out of here, because bitch has fucked up yet again! Sienna, throw yourself off that pier, ho! It's time for some tough love! I can't stand by and watch Sienna disrespect herself as one of the biggest sluts in all the land by continuing to mess with the same old soggy peen! I mean, just when I thought Sienna had finally released Balthazar's dick from her jaws of life vagina, here she is with him in Positano, Italy.

Sienna and Balthazar spent Father's Day doing gross things on a boat together. Cue Balthazar's wife: "Aw, kids. That was nice of you to make daddy breakfast for Father's Day, but unfortunately he can't eat it, because he's too busy eating his slut whore mistress' snatch in Italy."

Sienna needs to stick her vag in a bowl of ice until its fever for Balthazar goes down, because obviously it's hallucinating. I don't care if Balthazar goes all the way up her GOWL, there's more dick out there that needs to be fucked! This slut is on notice AGAIN.

Sienna Miller has finally released Balthazar Getty's peen from her Jaws of Death vagina and has moved on to new wang. AND this dick doesn't have a wedding ring attached to it!!!! I know, how is that possible really? I didn't think Sienna's vagina allowed entrance unless there was a ring on it.

The Mirror is saying that someone finally turned the hose on Sienna and Balthazar, because they are no longer bumping it. Sienna felt that there was just too much baggage there and she needed to move on. Translation: The big whore woke up, smelled the same stale jizz and realized it was time for some fresh dick.

Hoooooray! I was thisclose to writing that mega slut off, because no self-respecting tramp nibbles on the same peen for that long. Bitch's vagina was probably starting to get the zzzzzs during fucky times with Balthazar. Well, homewhore has a new piece.

Sources say the new piece is Josh Hartnett. Remember when Josh's tummy got the owies, because he had some bad water or bad coke or something? Well, Sienna Miller was right by his side "nursing" him to health. Sienna is like the Florence Nightingale of whores! A source said, “Josh and Sienna have a unique bond. They understand each other and I wouldn’t be surprised if a relationship blossomed.”

Relationship blossomed? The only thing that's going to blossom is tiny red warts on his peen. But by the time he notices his new friends, the biggest skankwhore the world has ever seen will be on to the next dick! YAY! Sienna the great big whore is back! Hide your husbands in the basement! It's fun times again!

An over-baked (fry and fly) Sienna Miller showed up to JFK last night and created a paparazzi orgy! They busted loads over Sienna! It's not like she's fucking Spaghetti Cat! It's just Sienna.

Some of the paps even brought balloons and flowers to try and woo her. They are trying to way too hard. There's no need to drop any coin to get Sienna's attention. All they had to do was to flash their wedding ring wedding ring at her eyes and Sienna's bull dozer vagina would be wrapped around their peen until they screamed for mercy! For reallies.

File this under: So easy even a child can play! Seriously, Sienna Miller said she was kicked in the face by a horse. This should be a board game the whole family can play together! Your key words are: Sienna Miller, vagina (the two go hand in hand), horse, kick and face. The jokes are just lying down, waiting for you to pick 'em up.

Anythisbitchtriedtoblowthehorse, Sienna was on the Tonight Show and told the story to Jay Leno. Sienna said, "I’ve had some accidents. I got kicked in the face by a horse. Only I would be kicked in the face by a horse. People always think it’s lipstick, especially make-up artists. Maybe they’ve covered it up. I’m hoping you can’t see it. Make-up artists come and try and rub it off and there’s always an awkward moment."

Whore, please. They don't think it's lipstick. They think it's a rogue Dirty Sanchez stain. You know, Sienna showed the scar, but I held up a magnifying glass to it and didn't see shit!

Can we get a rematch between Sienna and the world's favorite horsey? If the horsey isn't with us anymore, Pony Parker can fill in. Bitch has got some new hooves she can't wait to try them out.

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