Sienna Miller

This Bitch Is Dedicated

You know Marilyn Manson ordered Evan Rachel Wood to scour the vintage stores and replicate Dita Von Teese's outfit or else! If she doesn't do it, she'll have to sleep in the coffin again.

Here's Dita looking like Lovey Howell as she tried to avoid the sun at the Coachella yesterday.

Dita recently said that she does whatever it takes to keep her baby powder skin from getting tan. She said, "I never go sunbathing. My worst fear is looking down and seeing brown, wrinkly cleavage. It will get white and wrinkly, but there is no need to rush it. I pack vitamins to stop the sun doing anything to me. Some foods accelerate tanning, so I'm very careful about what I eat." Damn. The woman has dedication. I get up, go piss, put on some sweats and call it a day. Dita probably spends 2 hours picking her outfit and then another 2 hours picking out shit to eat that won't tan her skin.

Below are some other twats at Coachella including Sienna Miller, Kelly Osbourne, Kimbo Stewart and Melanie Griffith. They don't hold a candle to Dita's glamour!

Is it just me or does Melanie look like she's suffering from cokey mouth?

Splashnewsonline.com



She'll Be Knocked Up By September

Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans have been pretty quiet about their relationship. Sienna has already denied they are engaged. Leave it to mom to spill the frijoles. Rhys' mommy has opened her big mouth and claims they are in fact promised to each other for marriage. His memaw told The Sun, "They adore each other and I am so pleased for them. They make a fantastic couple. We think she is lovely, absolutely fantastic."

Rhys' family also said the two are looking for a home in Wales. Recently, Sienna told friends that she loves Wales and accused the English of pillaging the country. She said, "I think it is the most beautiful country in the world and the people were just gracious and lovely considering they have been raped and pillaged by the English for so long." Ok...let's have another drink then, Sienna.

Rhys has reportedly proposed to Sienna dozens of times, but she finally accepted this time. He probably finally caught her at the one moment of the day she wasn't completely wasted.

Congrats to the dirty couple! Let's hope they will brush their hair and teeth for this special occasion. Probably not, but one can hope!



The Dreaded "M" Word

No, not masturbation. That's a beautiful word and nobody should dread it. I'm talking about marriage. You see, Rhys Ifans is sick of being Sienna Miller's secret and wants to marry her or else! A source told the Daily Mail, "He has asked Sienna to marry him and it's the last time he will ask. He wants everyone to know they are officially an item. Sienna has yet to make a decision and Rhys can't understand why."

Sienna wants to keep their relationship on the down-low and isn't ready to go public in a major way.

Rhys just screwed himself and not in a good way. Nothing sends a slut running like the m-word. Sienna is a slut through and through and Rhys needs to understand that. It's an instant boner killer. I expect Sienna to dump his ass any day now.

It's about time anyway. I was beginning to miss Sienna slut-antics!



It's Sienna's Fault!

Poor Sienna Miller. The slut always gets blamed. Rush & Molloy reports that Sienna Miller might have had something to do with Sean Penn's marriage to Robin Wright ending. One source claims that Sienna and Sean were always flirting. They talked about one night in NYC where they were all over each other. "She was dressed very sexily. She had her arm around his neck." They stayed up all night together.

However, one of Sienna's friends said she's always like that. Ya see! Sluts can't help it. They just want to touch, suck and fuck everything. It's in their nature.

Sienna's rep says it's all untrue and she didn't cause their break-up. She respects Robin and blah...blah..

Yeah, Sienna didn't cause their marriage to end. Maybe it was all those dozens of women Sean screwed while he was married or all that coke he was snorting? Hmmm...just a thought!



No Ring!

 
Sienna Miller reportedly got engaged to Rhys Ifans on her Birthday, but I don't see any ring. Maybe he got her a clit ring. Seriously, we should skip the engagement ring and just get rings on our genitals. I mean that's what we're basically promising to each other.  
 
Sienna and Rhys were out the other day in her new Audi TT which she got for her Birthday.  
 
 
 
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She's Probably Knocked Up

 
I was just wondering if Sienna Miller was alive the other day. She seems to have kept herself out of trouble and out of the internet for a while now. So here's a little Sienna Miller story just so we never forget our favorite tart.
 
Sienna has been dating Rhys Ifans for a while now and The Sun reports he will pop the question on her 26th Birthday, today! Happy 26th Sienna! You don't look a day over 40.
 
A source said that Rhys wrote her a poem in his Native welsh tongue. SICK! I say read her the poem while eaching her coochie. That's probably the only way she could stomach that sappy sickness coming out of his mouth.
 
Rhys has also taken his sweet shit to another level. “He’s collected ten presents for Sienna of varying shapes, sizes and prices. They are all part of his plan for a romantic night in with a mountain of presents. Sienna is having a bit of an age crisis, feeling that she hasn’t done enough with her life."

“So Rhys, whose philosophy is to live and enjoy every day, has penned a poem about their brilliant future together, all her achievements in life so far and always seizing the moment."

Who knew these two were so damn cheesy? Fruitcakes! I hope one of his ten gifts include 2-tickets to the damn Bermuda Triangle. Get rid of them.

Rhys apparently had a Welsh designer custom make a ring for her. Couples like them make me barf. Yes, I believe in love, but I also believe in not trying to make other people vomit. They probably leave post-it notes with "I love you cuddle bear" on the fridge. GROSS!

 



G.I. HO

 
Sienna Miller will play that hot bitch The Baroness in the big-screen version of G.I. Joe. The Baroness is described as a raven-haired sexy femme fatale skilled in espionage. Sienna Miller is described as a dishwater blonde skilled in being a straight-up HO! 
 
The movie will be directed by Stephen Somers for a February start and an August 2009 release.
 
The story is set in...oh who cares! That shit is going to suck! Wake me when they make a big-screen version of "My Little Pony" starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Sheryl Crow, Heather Mills and Haylie Duff. 
 
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Are Those From The Paris Hilton Shoe Collection?

 
Those hoove covers are gigantic! Sienna Miller shouldn't stand for that! If she can stand in those clown shoes! And that's all I got! 
 
Here's Sienna at the premiere of Stardust last night in London. 
 
 
 
 


Don't Make Me Laugh! HA!

 
Kate Moss is pissed off that Sienna Miller is trying to steal her swagger. Kate reportedly accused Sienna of stealing her look and friends. Sienna is currently sort-of fucking Rhys Ifans, one of Kate's closest friends. Kate isn't happy about it and let the bitch know at a wedding this past weekend.
 
Brawl at a wedding? You can take the trash out of the trash can.....
 
A witness said, "Kate had a go at Sienna and accused her of stealing her style. She was ranting on about how Sienna was now trying to steal her lifestyle and her friends too. It was really cutting and everyone was listening to them."

"A few drinks had been sunk by the time Kate said it and Sienna had plucked up some Dutch courage too. She gave Kate as good as she got."

Eventually someone reminded these two trash cans that they were at a wedding and they stopped. Yeah, they probably stopped to get drunk instead.

Please! These two rat faces don't know how to fight. Someone should've just put a moldy piece of cheese in front of them and whoever got to the center first won the fight. My money would've been on Kate. That snaggle tooth looks turboized.

Source: Daily Mail



The Jared Leto Diet

 
Sleep Around Sienna Miller had to put on a few pounds for her new movie "Hippie Hippie Shake." Sienna has gotten a little diet advice from Jared Leto to help her lose the extra weight. Sienna is reportedly effing Rhys Ifans who is currently shooting a movie with Jared.
 
According to Jared, he lost 14lbs in a month from a diet of curry powder and lots of sex.
 
A source said, "He can lose 14lbs in a month on an all-liquid diet by mixing water with curry powder or pepper and combining it with lots of sex."
 
SUCIO! I once tried that Cayenne Pepper, Maple Syrup detox crap and I swear I pooped my kidney out. I probably did! I only lasted two days and it made me hungrier than Paris Hilton's vagina in a room full of dick. My own shit started to look tasty. It's impossible!
 
The sex part is true apparently. I saw some bitch on Oprah that claimed she lost 23lbs in 6-months from having sex with her husband 8-times a week. SLUT!
 
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