Sienna Miller

Page Six is saying that Sienna Miller was out buying panties this week at Only Hearts in NYC with her ex-fuck buddy DJ Slinky Wizard. There were reports that Sienna recently left DJ Slinky's ass on the curb, because she couldn't deal with a long-distance relationship. It's true. If Sienna's genitals don't get fed every 24 hours, we all suffer.

But some source seems to think Sienna and DJ Slinky rekindled their romance, because they acted like a couple while shopping at Only Hearts. The source added, "George was talking about how he was excited about their plans for the night."

HOWEVER, Gawker claims Sienna was shopping at Only Hearts, but was with Balthazar Getty instead of DJ Slinky Wizard. Also, Sienna and Balthy were caught getting manicures together earlier this week.

So basically this is looking like Sienna's vag never let go of Balthazar's peen. Sienna was probably just using DJ Slinky Wizard to distract us all from the fact that she's still fucking on Balthazar. That cunning slut.

It's also looking like Balthazar loves polish on his nails and silk on his nalgas.

The wives of NYC got to breathe a sigh of relief for a few hours last night while Sienna Miller was busy doing acting stuff . Sienna gave her snatchin' snatch the night off from stealing wedding bands to make her Broadway debut in After Miss Julie. The reviews are out and not everyone is jizzing words of praise for Sienna's acting skills. Basically, most of the reviews go a little something like this: "Blah sucks blah wooden blah boring blah....but she's hot."

Here's some of the reviews courtesy of The Daily Mail, People and Broadway World:

The New York Times: "If Julie is written as clashing chords of conflicted impulses, Ms Miller plays them like a novice at a piano, plunking down each note loudly and individually."

The Associated Press: "Sienna Miller looks sensational: blonde hair done up in a quintessential 1940s 'do, her trim figure wrapped in a pert floral print dress that shows off her great legs. The very model of a seducer awaiting to commence seduction … And there is a relentless quality to Sienna Miller's performance, not terribly subtle or vulnerable, but compelling in its obsessiveness."

Sienna Miller is starring on Broadway right now with Jonny Lee Miller (that's the Ex. Mr. Saint Angie to all of us) and the two went for a stroll yesterday with his son Buster and her dog. I should mention that Jonny Lee is MARRIED! Jonny's wife Michele must be secure in her shit, because most wives would've had the SWAT Team, a dozen priests, several doctors from the CDC and the Cheaters camera crew on the scene at once. Sienna's wrecking ball vag would've been served with a restraining order and Jonny's peen would've been put in handcuffs. You do not fuck around with Sienna's skills.

Even Jonny's kid knows what she's up to. Dude has his thumb up like, "Yeah, she's a pro."

This might be some kind of record! Homewrecking hero Sienna Miller has been dating DJ Slinky Wizard (that name gives me the farts, still) for over a month! Yes, Sienna's bull dozer vagina has been dormant for that long, because DJ Slinky Wizard isn't married! You know the housing market is in the shits when even Sienna Miller isn't touching it (GONG!).

And while DJ Slinky Wizard's hotness registers at about 92 degrees on my scale, I hope Sienna doesn't have to call him that during sexy times. Can you imagine screaming DJ Slinky's name while he's hitting it from the back? That'll turn your fuck part into a sad face in 0 seconds flat.

Will someone please fetch Anna Wintour a glass of room temperature virgin's blood, because I think she's got a few of her intern's souls stuck in her throat. It's making her throat look obese. Heads will roll for this!

Here's the cryptkeeper of Vogue wearing something that Mrs. Roper queefed up at the premiere of The September Issue in NYC last night. That shit is a documentary about the making of Vogue's mighty September issue. Sienna Miller was there, because her vagina sensed large amounts of married dick in the area. And because she's on the cover of Vogue next month.

Other hos at the premiere were Cassie (who was working a half "The Legend of Billie Jean" buzzcut), Marc Jacobs, his piece, Zac Posen, everyone's favorite lemon-faced beard, Melania Trump, her big sack of money and Diddy.

I guess those OMGNOWTFCANTBE rumors that homewrecker hero Sienna Miller was freaking on a dude who doesn't have a wife at home proved to be true. Sienna stuffed her wrecking crotch into a virginal white bikini to frolic on a yacht in Ibiza with her new piece, DJ Slinky Wizard. You know, the sluts of the world need to bow down to Sienna, because her skills of slutiness knows no bounds.

Bitch is a better slut than me, because I don't know if I could suck face with a dude wearing a baby pink Yankees visor who goes by the name DJ Slinky Wizard. Let me clarify that: I don't know if I could suck face with a dude like that outside of a rave and not under the influence of Ecstasy. But that's not stopping Sienna. Sienna really makes me want to be a better slut. Get on that raver's glowdick, Sienna!

Well, kick me in the ass bone, because Sienna Miller has found a new man that won't get his wedding ring stuck in her vag when he finger bangs her. JOY! The word on the street (aka The Mirror) is that the homewrecker icon has quit Balthazar Getty for the trillionth time and is now knocking it with DJ Slinky Wizard (real name: George Barker). They met earlier this year and are planning to go away together when she finishes promoting G.I. HOmewrecker.

A source said, “Sienna and George is still a pretty casual, low-rent thing but they’re both really happy. George is a good, all-round guy and they have friends in common. He’s not famous and isn’t interested in fame. He’s also single which is a massive coup. George is really into his music and has been introducing Sienna to new stuff, and even given her a go on his decks. They’ve talked about a holiday together and Ibiza has been discussed. It’s early days but things are looking great.”

DJ George is known for playing trance music which I haven't listened to since my raver days. Sienna probably likes it, because it soothes her normally spastic snatch. Seriously, when DJ George spins, Sienna's pussy blisses out. That's a good thing for the wives of married men everywhere.

You know, I'm just happy that Sienna got herself some new dick! She was really starting to piss me off by screwing on the same stale peen over and over again. That wang expired a loooong time ago. What the hell kind of self-respecting mega slut rides the same ole' man bone? I'm glad Sienna finally got her priorities in check. Welcome back.

If you're interviewing the dick bandit known as Sienna Miller for that G.I. Joe shittery, there's only name you need to bring up and that's Balthazar Getty's. Just a whisper of his name from an interviewer will cause her wrecking ball bagina to swing around the room and destroy everything in its path! DO IT!

Adam Richard of Australia's FOX FM's radio interviewed Sienna by phone and immediately brought up Balthazar. Well, before he did that, he called them "scrags" and "bitches." Oh, Adam, let me snuggle up into your kangaroo pouch, so that I can learn a few things.

When Adam teased Sienna about Balthazar, she responded with: "Oh, piss off! You've called us scrags, bitches, knocked-up. We are not here to talk about him. But, yes, I know him and everything's good, thank you. What a scoop! Congratulations! You're really, really clever!"

And with that, Sienna's thieving snatch flew into a rage, ran off and snatched the first married peen it could find! When some hos get mad, they gorge themselves with cake and pies. Sienna gorges her vagina with wedded wang!

SCRAGS BITCHES!

VIA The Sun

Cock robber and icon to all mega sluts with zero morals (I bow down), Sienna Miller, said that she almost lost her saggies on the set of G.I. Joe. when a fire ball got a little to close to them.

During a press conference for the movie in Sydney, Sienna said, "Luckily it wasn't my breasts, it was the bit in-between. It got a bit burnt when an explosion got a bit close."

I wonder if Balthazar Getty's wife worked in the explosions department on G.I. Joe? But what I really want to know is, how did her titty alley get burned a little, but her nipples still lived to the tale? Hmmmm. Something in the milk ain't! Maybe the truth is that Prince Hot Ginge tried to chichi fuck her and she couldn't take the heat?

Rub my chest with SPF INFINITY, keep the fire extinguisher close and come at me, Hot Ginge!

Image: Bauer Griffin

Sienna Miller needs to follow Balthazar Getty's finger and get the dick out of here, because bitch has fucked up yet again! Sienna, throw yourself off that pier, ho! It's time for some tough love! I can't stand by and watch Sienna disrespect herself as one of the biggest sluts in all the land by continuing to mess with the same old soggy peen! I mean, just when I thought Sienna had finally released Balthazar's dick from her jaws of life vagina, here she is with him in Positano, Italy.

Sienna and Balthazar spent Father's Day doing gross things on a boat together. Cue Balthazar's wife: "Aw, kids. That was nice of you to make daddy breakfast for Father's Day, but unfortunately he can't eat it, because he's too busy eating his slut whore mistress' snatch in Italy."

Sienna needs to stick her vag in a bowl of ice until its fever for Balthazar goes down, because obviously it's hallucinating. I don't care if Balthazar goes all the way up her GOWL, there's more dick out there that needs to be fucked! This slut is on notice AGAIN.