Scarlett Johansson

STFU ScarJo!

ScarJo has returned from her USO Tour of the Persian Gulf and was asked about the rumors that she's engaged to Ryan Reynolds. She responded, "I am engaged ... to Barack Obama. My heart belongs to Barack, and that is who I am currently, finally, engaged to. Yes."

ScarJo showed support for Obama during the Iowa caucus earlier this month.

I wish Obama's wife, Michelle, would take off one of her Easy Spirit pumps and beat this ho down with it. ScarJo is trying to sound cute, but she's not Marilyn Monroe.

Posted by: Michael K

1 comment •

Dumbasses • Scarlett Johansson

ScarJo's Musical Dreams Come True This May

ScarJo's Tom Waits cover album just got a release date. Anywhere I Lay My Head, will come out on May 20th. I know where most straight dudes want to lay their heads. They want to lay it on ScarJo's boobies and I'm not talking about the head on their neck.

ScarJo's debut album will feature 10 Tom Waits covers. Nick Zinner from Yeah Yeah Yeahs and David Sitek of TV on the Radio collaborated on the album.

Below is a cover ScarJo did of Summertime. It's not completely atrocious. She sings better than she acts, but that's not saying much. There's no way I'm wasting my twinkie buying money on a ScarJo album, but I would definitely download it for free.

Posted by: Michael K

94 comments •

Scarlett Johansson

Say It Ain't So!

No, ScarJo is not knocked up with Ryan Reynolds baby even though the baby bug is going around. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if she was. Bitch's titties were made for milking.

Gatecrasher reports that ScarJo might soon announce her engagement to Ryan Reynolds. The two have been quietly dating for over a year now. Ryan started dating ScarJo shortly after his engagement to Alanis Morissette ended. Her rep denies it.

I don't believe it. ScarJo isn't ready to hang up her skank. She has so much love to give and by "love" I mean titty fucks.

Posted by: Michael K

64 comments •

Engagements • Scarlett Johansson

ScarJo As Courtney Love?

Courtney Love has got it in her crazy lil' head that Scarlett Johansson will play her in a feature film about Court and Kurt Cobain reports The Mirror. Court is executive producing the movie version of her life and has asked ScarJo to portray her.

A source close to Court said, "Kirsten Dunst was rumoured to be in the frame, but Courtney really admires Scarlett and has already sent the contract out for her to sign. Courtney even copied Scarlett's sleek blonde movie look when she was in London for the Fashion Rocks party last year. This is a labour of love for Courtney and she is putting her heart and soul into making it an accurate, credible glimpse of her life with Kurt."

ScarJo as Courtney? I hope they have plenty of defibrillators on set, because it's going to take a whole lot of electricity to zap some personality into fucking ScarJo. I personally think Courtney should play Courtney. Nobody can do crazy like Court. Ryan Gosling can still play Kurt. If they don't want Courtney they should just get a starving raccoon. Only Courtney and a starving, crazed raccoon could play her.

Posted by: Michael K

89 comments •

Courtney Love • Scarlett Johansson

ScarJo Is Mad

UsWeekly put ScarJo on the cover this week's issue and asks the question "Did they or didn't they?" have plastic surgery. They also had an expert go through and guess what work she's had done. ScarJo isn't too pleased and is threatening to sue the magazine. Her rep issued this long ass statement to OK! Magazine:

"US Weekly's cover story regarding Scarlett Johansson and its clear implication that she has had plastic or cosmetic surgery on her nose is an outrageous and defamatory fabrication lacking any conceivable basis or proof, despite vehement denials by Ms. Johansson prior to publication. Not surprisingly, US magazine cannot provide the dates when she supposedly had this surgery, who performed the surgery, or what was supposedly done — all because there simply is no truth to the story. The publication made a pathetic attempt to validate its story by using two cover photos of Scarlett that were taken years apart with obviously different make-up and lighting, and then relying on an "expert’s opinion” (based solely on looking at the two photos) on what "might" have been done. It wasn't."

Scarlett added, "I have always been straightforward with the press regarding my body image and I am very concerned that my fans (and perhaps even my employers) will feel mislead. Thus, I feel compelled to take immediate legal action against US Weekly."

Less talk, more action! Sue them or shut up. I don't think Scarlett has had much work if any, but I don't think her "true fans" (straight men) really give a fuck, because I don't think they are looking at her face when she's onscreen.

Posted by: Michael K

75 comments •

Plastic Surgery • Scarlett Johansson

ScarJo As Marilyn?

Marilyn Monroe's so-called best friend, Jeanne Carmen, said she wants Scarlett Johansson to play Marilyn in the big-screen version of her own biopic, The Wild, Wild Life of Jeanne Carmen. Jeanne said she was in talks with Xtina, but then she got knocked up.

"Christina was interested in playing the part and is a born pinup girl at heart. She became pregnant, however, and the script is now in the hands of Scarlett Johansson's agent and Kate Bosworth's agent. Either one of these girls have the talent to pull it off."

ScarJo has talent? Since when. ScarJo could possibly pull off playing Marilyn NOW. She doesn't have the acting chops to play Marilyn alive though.

I wonder who Jeanne wants to play her in the movie? Bitch is delusional, so she probably wants Dakota Fanning. There's a picture of Jeanne below. If Barbara Eden isn't doing anything, she can easily play Jeanne.

Posted by: Michael K

110 comments •

Scarlett Johansson

Back With Woody

Scarlett Johansson is currently in Spain shooting her third Woody Allen film. She's like the new Mia Farrow. I just hope she keeps her vagina in her pants around his ass. The working title is "Midnight in Barcelona" and also stars Penny Cruz and Javier Bardem.

ScarJo has previously starred in "Match Point" and "Scoop." There's been rumors that Woody only casts ScarJo, because he wants to nuzzle his face into those giant chi-chis. It's also rumored that he doesn't let Soon-Yi around the set.

You know Woody chokes the chicken to the dailies every night. Barf.

Source

Posted by: Michael K

60 comments •

Scarlett Johansson

ScarJo's Bullring

Attractive! Scarlett Johansson's bull ring is back and she also got some fugly new tattoo. I know all of you are going to "BITCH IS CHUNKY!" but that's not what bothers me. I hate those bullring! I just want to rip it out with my toes. Bull dyke is more like it.

Visit Hollywood Tuna to see more (and bigger) pictures of Scarlett fighting the hot.

Sources: Hollywood Tuna , INFDaily

Posted by: Michael K

118 comments •

Scarlett Johansson

Hopefully She Won't Look Like You!

What the hell is Ellen Barking (typo, but not changing it) talking about? She said that she's worried about how ScarJo will look like when she's older. Why does she give an eff?!

She said, "I look at that gorgeous little Scarlett Johansson and I think, 'Oh, my God, what is that girl going to look like when she's a woman?'"

"I always thought women peaked between 36 and 43. Something happens to your face and everything just settles in."

Jealousy! Ellen lies, because she looked way better when she was younger. She is fighting the hotness by injecting her face with God knows what!

Source: Female First

Posted by: Michael K

45 comments •

Fug • Scarlett Johansson

Vintage Jessica Biel & Scarjo

The Bastardly has a picture of ScarJo and Jessica Biel when they were just starting out. There's some freaky about them. Village of the Damned anyone? Jessica's seriously had some work done. At least a nose job.

Posted by: Michael K

81 comments •

Jessica Biel • Scarlett Johansson • Vintage