Nicky Hilton

When it's announced that the world's supply of silicone has gone dry, send your hate/thank you letters to Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I mean, DAMN! Usually, when I see a pair of gigantic chichi balls, I want to curl up between them and take a long afternoon nap. But these things make me want to grab the cross. Seriously, if Kim hugged you, your rib cage would break and your lungs would fall into your stomach. It wouldn't be good. They should give Kim the Olympic gold medal in weightlifting for carrying around those medicine balls. And am I the only one that suddenly has the urge to go bowling?

But on a positive note, at least Kim's breasts of destruction take the focus off her Barbie cemetery wig.

Here's more of Kim at last night's Fox Reality Awards. I also threw in some pictures of Vivica Fox, Lorenzo Lamas, Shayne Lamas, Judy Tenuta (with an OctoMom boa), Wonky, Nicky Hilton, Gretchen Bonaduce, Dairy (typo and it stays) DeLaWhora, Eric Roberts, Antonio Sabato Jr., his hot mom, Gretchen Rossi, Big Brother's Chima (with Mr. Empress of Lucite), Cindy Margolis and Adrianne Curry.

Those Hilton dumpsters really know how to be massive cuntoids (and not in a good way). Nicky Hilton must have gotten bored with laughing at people inside of the club, so she took her bitch act outside to cackle and point at the sad saps who couldn't get in.

Page Six says that Nicky and her dick bag boyfriend David Katzenberg sat outside of East Hampton's Lily Pond club on Saturday night laughing at all the rejects. A source said Nicky "stayed outside, hysterically laughing every time someone wasn't let in. She was loving it."

This hag needs to wipe the coke dust off the mirror and have a good look if she wants a real laugh. Bitch looks like the reflection of a downsy pony in a funhouse mirror.

Where was a drunken Lizzie Grubman in her SUV when you needed her? Lizzie, this would've been a perfect time for an encore performance. You disappointed us all!

Nicky Hilton getting pushed down + IHOP + A Citzen's Arrest + A transient = A fucking amazing story worth a standing ovation and a dick slap. Seriously, I want to get my lazy ass out of my chair and clappity clap for this hotness. I just wish Vivica Fox and her SLYCIC friends told us this would happen beforehand, so that we could set up seats, order a Rooty Tooty and cheer on the transient!

TMZ says that for some reason (*cough*coke pick-up*cough*) Nicky Hilton was outside of IHOP in West Hollywood at 5am when she got into an altercation with a "transient." The country's newest hero then pushed Nicky to the ground.

Surprisingly, Nicky's bony ass didn't break into a million pieces. Nicky got up and then pulled a citizen's arrest on his ass. The police showed up and the transient was arrested.

The only way this story could get hotter is if the transient turned out to be Dollhouse Dude. But I'm pretty sure the transient was a skinny baby or a scrappy kitten, because you have to be one weak ho to get arrested by Nicky Hilton. All you gotta do is clap your hands and the sound vibrations will send that bitch flying.

And I'm so fucking mad that Nicky Hilton got to scream "CITIZEN'S ARREST! CITIZEN'S ARREST!" That shit was wasted on that skank.

Actually, I take that back. The joke isn't obvious. She's posing with a dog, not a fucking potato.

Here's our little Tater Head at The Power of Paws event in NYC last night. The pooch with Rumer is a true professional and gentleman. He's allowing Rumer to touch and pose with him, but he dare not look her straight in the chin. That would make him lose his composure. I'm assuming poochie is a he, because all dogs who look like that are dudes. Dudes or gayelles.

Someone should have barked at poochie to help Rumer lift up those saggy cutlets! It's driving me crazy. I hate to see a couple of sad titties.

Nicky Hilton, Caridee English and some other ho also showed up to last night's event. Now, Nicky posing with a dog is an obvious joke.

The chick with the blonde HGTV hair above won some Mother's Day contest from Wonky and Nicky Hilton. The prize included a shopping spree with the praying mantis skanks and their mother. I hope the woman got all her shots. I would have cashed out that prize and spent it on dinner at Hometown Buffet. If I'm going to catch salmonella, I might as well get it from delicious fried chicken than from Wonky's skank fumes.

Our favorite poster couple for the CDC, Parasite Hilton and Benji Madden, attended Nicky Hilton's fashion show in the tents yesterday. Unfortunately, it was not a fumigation tent. Someone really should have thought about that. They missed out on catching two of the most diseased skanks in Los Angeles and quarantining their nastiness.

Parasite and Benji also showed off their "bowel movement" and "pussy hole" rings. Sucio.

These pictures of Nicky Hilton out shopping yesterday has everyonehorrified at how "extremely skinny" she looks. You would look like that too if you had to look at Paris and Kathy Hilton's skank faces every day. Nicky just needs to get away from Paris and Kathy, so she gets her appetite back.

18-year-old Barron Hilton has followed in his sister's foosteps by getting arrested for DUI at 8:30 this morning in Malibu. He was pulled over on PCH. He was driving in a black Mercedes-Benz with a passenger. No, it wasn't Paris or Nicky. TMZ reports that no drugs were found. He is currently being booked.

Mug shot! Mug shot! Mug shot! Nicky Hilton needs to step it up. I'm sure Kathy Hilton wants a complete wall of mug shots of all her children. It makes a Hilton proud.

I'm sure he will get bonus points from Kathy for being drunk at 8 in the morning.

UPDATE: PageSix.com claims Barron ran into a gas station employee before getting arrested this morning. The worker said he got knocked ot the ground. He said, "The Mercedes lost control as it was turning into the gas station and Barron got out of the car and he was totally drunk and couldn't walk straight." Even more bonus points! Kathy is creaming herself over this one.

Wenn

No, Nicky Hilton did not get a makeover. I honestly thought it was Nicky at first. Nicky wishes she looked that good. It's Christine Larkin with her "Hottie and the Nottie" co-star, Paris Hilton out last night. Christine dressed as her character to go out with Paris. No, they weren't at a movie premiere or anything. They were just going out! I hope the money is good, but it's still not worth it. The things we do for a job. That's one step below dressing as Tigger at Disneyland. At least Tigger gets a tail.

She still looks better than Paris.

Wenn

If you didn't tell me this was the Sundance Film Festival, I would've figured it was the AVN Awards with all the skanks, whores, sluts and prostitutes running around. I mean, what the hell is Kim Kardashian doing there? This shit has turned into Vegas for the weekend. All those whores are mostly there to get free shit and eff each other.

Reggie Bush can stay, Kim can leave. I am still having a hard time dealing with the fact that he's playing with her. Do you think he pisses on her tits? Bitch is into that! Fuck, I'd let Reggie Bush do dookie times on my titties if that's what he was into.

Here's the rest of the skanks of Sundance including Paris Hilton who thinks she's the sexiest thing since candy apple nail polish. Bitch is about as sexy as Reggie doing dookie times on my titties. I didn't include pictures of people that actually belong at Sundance, because they are all boring.