Eva LongWHORIA

Mario Lopez took his friend, Eva LongWHORIA, out to lunch yesterday and presented her with a Cartier necklace for her 55th Birthday. That bitch isn't worth it! I hope Mario pulled a fast one on her and bought that necklace at Claire's, but put it in a Cartier box. She wouldn't know the difference.

I also can't stand Eva's laugh. I can hear it through the pictures. It sounds like one of those cackling witch dolls. I bet she snorts out mocos when she cackles.

She's just doing this shit in public, because she wants Tony to get jealous. Methinks he's too busy screwing other hos!

Riddle me this. When you Photoshop the hell out of a person, shouldn't you try to correct their bad features? Why the hell did they make Eva Longoria look even more like a rat? She looks like she knows the secret of NIMH. Throw that rat a piece of cheese to gnaw on. Here's some shots of Eva from Bebe's new Spring 2008 campaign. She just needs to drop the clothes and this would be a perfect Miami Vice-themed Playboy shoot. Aren't we done with this 80s shit yet? I am over it. Let's move into the 90s now.

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Eva Longoria said she grew up being the ugly duckling in her family, because she had black hair and dark skin. This dumb bitch said, "I was the darkest one of my family. I was the only one with black hair and the only one with dark skin. All my sisters were light blondes with hazel eyes. They used to call me ugly duckling."

Eva said her nickname was "ugly duckling" and she was bullied in school for it.

Did this ho go to Supermodel High, because there's no way she was the ugliest girl in school. If she was an ugly duckling in high school then she's still an ugly duckling now, because she looks basically the same.

I think it's a hispanic thing. Some of my hispanic cousins pack on the powder to lighten their skin, because they think that's what is beautiful. They don't want to be dark for some reason. They also wear green contacts and dye their hair lighter. Dumb bitches! I tell those skanks they look like Michael Jackson with an orange wig on. Not a good look.

Here's forever ugly Eva at her dumb movie premiere last night with her parents and Nicky Sheridan.

Source: Daily Mail

Eva LongWHORIA is out pimping that shitty movie she's in about a dead bitch haunting the girlfriend of her fiancee. Think Blithe Spirit, but with a no-talent whore in it. This movie should have went straight to BETA. Yes, I know BETA doesn't exist anymore. That's the point.

That shit comes out on Friday, I think. I've been reading the reviews and all the critics seem bothered by the fact that her character's name is Kate Spencer. Not very Latino. Eva probably came up with that shit herself.

Anyway, Eva said that if she died she definitely come back to haunt her husband Tony Parker. She said, “I would sabotage every relationship he is in. I would not let him move on, I’d just lay in bed and watch him. He’s not doing anything without me. I’d be like if I’m going to the afterlife you’re coming with me.” Shit, she's haunting him while she's alive.

Here's Eva at the Ken Paves (so typical) in Los Angeles today with her mother.

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Ok, I guess Eva LongWHORIA looked alright at the SAG Awards tonight, but it's hard for me to admit it. She could wear a gorgeous dress made out of real twinkling stars and she would still look like a hag. She's like a little mole and I just want to whack her. Whack-a-mole! Best game ever.

Eva LongWHORIA wears the worst clothes. Everything she wears looks like it was fished out of a discount bin at the Talbots factory outlet in Lynchburg, VA. That fabric should be on a pillow in Jackie Collins' sitting room not on a dress. Eva's hair actually looks pretty cute for once. I'll give her that. Guess who did it? The Paves! He's trailing behind her in some of these pics. Don't worry, he'll eff her up tomorrow.

Here's Eva with Paves behind her in London.

Wenn

Eva LongWHORIA's stupid ass got a new tattoo. Apparently it's Tony Parker's jersey number...9. It looks like June to me, but it looks like nine too. The only thing I can see clearly about that tattoo is that it's fugly stupid. What happens when her marriage ends or if Tony stops playing basketball? I guess she can tell everyone it's her iq. Dumb bitch.

Here's Eva looking like a foolio at LAX yesterday and being a whore in virgin white in London today.

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Obviously Eva Longoria Parker (that name is gross) didn't bother showing up when they shot the poster for her new movie "Over Her Dead Body." They just took her head from whatever photo shoot and put it on some random model's body. Shit, that might just be a CGI body.

Even though the poster is God awful, the trailer is worse. This movie should've been made in the 80s with Shelley Long, Goldie Hawn and Steven Guttenberg.

Eva as a ghost haunting the new girlfriend of her former fiancee? They already did this in the damn 1940s! It's called Blithe Spirit.

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Poster source: Coming Soon