As expected, Gwen Stefani popped out a baby this morning at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. E! reports that Gwen and Gavin have named their new baby ZUMA! ZUMA!!! It's not known whether ZUMA is a boy or a girl.
Zuma is an online game that I used to be obsessed with. I would play it until the early morn'! But I would never name my baby after it. ZUMA?! I mean, I could see if they named their baby Zima, because that is a delicious drink. But Zuma?!
Zuma Zuma is also the name of a drinking game I used to play! We should all play this tonight in Zuma's honor. Click here to read the directions. I would always fuck up on purpose just so I could take a shot.
Congrats to Gwen and Gavin. And my sympathies to Zuma for getting stuck with the name....Zuma.
UPDATE: People reports that Gwen and Gavin had a boy. Their rep also confirms that they have named him Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Say that five times fast. Zuma Nesta Rock sounds like a planned community in Arizona.
Earlier I asked when the hell Gwen Stefani was going to finally pop out her baby! Well, she's scheduled to give birth today via C-section at 10 a.m. PT. In Touch reports that she's already checked into Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles.
Unfortunately, we don't know what color panties she's wearing or what her arm pits smell like. The bitch who spilled the beans didn't offer up those important details. But they did say, "Gwen's so excited to have this baby because she gained a lot of weight during this pregnancy. She is ready to meet her new baby and get her body back." Again. Where did her fucking body go?! Why is everyone in Hollyweird getting possessed?!
I'm surprised Gwen is having a C-section. She only has to open her legs and sneeze. That baby probably can't wait to come out. She's going to pop out a second grader.
Gwen Stefani is still knocked up? It feels like it's been years. She's still carrying because Gavin Rossdale is talking to E! News about their new baby's nursery. Mainly, paint colors. Celeb whoreswill talk about anything and obviously I'll post about anything.
Gavin said, "We don't know if it's a boy or a girl. Plus, we are going to put him in a black room. It'll be a goth baby so it doesn't matter if it is a boy or a girl." They don't know the sex, but they are going to put him in a black room? Someone slipped! Anyway, he's just having a laugh! They aren't going to paint the nursery black. They're just going to keep the baby in a coffin.
Besides, some dumb bitch told me that babies like black and white better. Something about how they respond to graphic, bold shit and can't see colors or something like that. I wasn't really listening because I was probably drunk. Just like I am now!
Seeing all these knocked up broads makes my sausage, egg and cheese bloat feel like a baby. I should piss on an e.p.t. just to be safe. Anyway, here's tons of pictures of walking baby ovens from the past couple of days. Well, Nicole Kidman is more like a pillow oven. She probably stores a week supply of botox in her pillow bump just in case she gets stranded somewhere. I kid, I kid. I'm sure her baby will come out with a permanent surprised look on its face and frosted tips and then we'll know it's their baby.
Nicky and Keith's kiss in the third thumbnail below is all sorts of awkward. She's blowing, he's sucking.
The baby ovens below are: Nicky, Tori Smelly, Gwen Stefani and Camilla Alves.
Two very different knocked up ladies were out and about with their families yesterday. One is probably going to pop out a furry litter of 6 and the other one needs to stop doing this pregnancy thing, so she can work on the new No Doubt album. Come on Gwennie. I need a sequel to "Don't Speak" called "I Really Mean It. STFU!" She promised.
I also have a disgusting confession to make. I actually spent money on Tori Smelly's book. I couldn't fucking help it. The back of the book featured a picture of Mimi La Rue asking me to "buy this book." I can't say no to Mimi.
Put that boy down, Gwen! He doesn't like being shown off like that. He's not your toy! He wants to frolic through the fields picking flowers.
Here's Gwen wearing one of Morticia Addams' old ones while having din din with her hot husband and her family in Hollywood yesterday.
What the hell happened to the No Doubt reunion?! I was looking forward to that shit and then Gwen goes and gets herself knocked up. She announced, I thought it was going to happen and BAM! Nothing. The only way she can redeem herself is if she names her baby "Queenston" even if it's a boy. She has a King! She needs a Queen now.
The Sun claims Gwen Stefani is 13 weeks knocked up with her second kid. A source said, “They found out at California’s Cedars-Sinai hospital and couldn’t wait to share the news with everyone.”
Gwen and Gavin Rossdale's son, Kingston, is one years-old.
Ladies out there (and some men), just relax. You're going to get pregnant. It's hitting the celebrities first and then it's going to hit you. You can't escape it. You can stop drinking the water, start wearing a mask, start drinking tons of Emergen-C and it will still hit you.
I can't wait to see who gets knocked up next! I'm going to take a gamble and say...hmmm...Britney Spears. It just seems right and then the human race should be destroyed. It's been a great run!
UPDATE: Gwen's rep confirms it! Bitch is knocked up!
People actually feed ducks? I thought that was just in the movies. Photo-op! Just kidding. Gwen Stefani, Gavin Rossdale and Kingston spent the day feeding ducks. Boring. This is why I don't have kids, because I'd set him in front of the TV and go about my business. You would never see me feeding ducks.
Gwen's shoes look deadly. Beauty is pain I guess, but you know her feet are probably gnarly.