Posh & Becks

Posh Beckham told The Sun that straight dudes no longer want her puny ass. She said only dudes with an appetite for dick like her.

Posh said, “All the men that like me are gay. It’s true. I have a really strong gaydar. I do love gay men though.”

That explains why Tommy Girl gets wet for her. Posh's "strong gaydar" probably sends her into seizures whenever TG enters the room. Off the charts.

Here's Posh wearing a napkin from the Oahu Marriott yesterday in London.

The theme for last night's Costume Institute Gala at the MET was "Superheroes." This explains Katie Holmes' attire. She looks more like a fruit roll-up than a superhero. Speaking of fruit roll-ups, what is Tommy dressed as? Captain Gay Xenu? At least Tommy let go of Katie for a second to let her pose by herself. He must have followed my advice and installed LoJack in her ass.

Tommy's dream boy, David Beckham, was also there last night with Posh. Becks is hot. Posh is not. She looks like she just finished giving the Pillsbury Doughboy an intense rim job. Flour face!

Pubies on the neck will never be sexy. I know David Beckham is hoping a little fur on his throat will toughen up his girly voice, but it won't! Bitch needs to take a Lady Bic to that bush immediately.

Ever wanted to own a pair of jeans from Posh's denim line, but couldn't afford the $300 price tag? Yeah, didn't think so. A pair of Posh jeans will set you back 289 clams if you buy that shit at Fred Segal or Kitson. Just down the freeway in Reseda, CA, you can buy the same pair for $69.99 at Loehmanns. Loehmanns is the shit! Posh should feel privileged that they are carrying her denim line. She is next to all the great designers.

There have been rumors that Posh's denim line was being dumped by Kitson and Fred Segal. All parties involved have denied these rumors. Well, what's their loss is Loehmanns gain! I bet you that shit still isn't selling.

And what the fuck is with charging $300 for a pair of damn jeans! You know, I bought a pair of jeans the other day and the salesbitch told me to never wash them. EVER! He told them that shit would shrink and then I wouldn't be able to wear them anymore. He told me that if they start to stink, stick them in the freezer. I should stick myself in the freezer as punishment for buying those jeans even after he told me I couldn't wash them. If you suddenly smell some musty ass jelly, turn around and I'll be there. Blame the jeans!

Here's some more pics of Posh with kiddies and an outside shot of the glamorous Loehmanns in Reseda.

One day, Posh's bobble head is going to roll off her body along with her fake tits. It can't be healthy when your head weighs more than your body. Somebody should sneak up behind her and just blow on her head a little. Timber! Watch the bitch drop.

Posh held a party last night at Via Veneto in Beverly Hills for her 34th Birthday. Guests included Eva LongWHORIA, Kate Beckinsale, TomKat, Diddy, Elton John, Usher and some other snatches.

I love that Becks is trying to give us "macho face." His macho face almost makes me forget the fact that he has a voice like Minnie Mouse.

It was pap chaos yesterday as Posh, Becks and company tried to leave her Birthday party at Pink Taco. Something tells me her taco isn't very pink anymore. Some seem to think that Cruz Beckham was flipping off the paps. I seem to think that Cruz was pulling a Romeo Beckham and scratching his nose. Cruz wanted to look for a good one up there to wipe on mommy's face.

Here's more pics of Becks protecting his family from the paps yesterday. I can hear the cackles from the paps after hearing Becks' girly voice. Not very menacing.

Eva LongWHORIA said she would love to get together with Posh and Becks for a sexy night of....board game playing?

Eva told Britain's OK! Magazine, “Tony has really been trying to get David to play board games like Cluedo, but David is not a big game player. We’re like, ‘Come on David!’”

If it wasn't Eva saying it, I would think this was code for greasy orgy. And Eva would be the worst participant in an orgy. She would whine about getting pre-cum on her hair and scream "OUCH" when more than one finger went in her dirt star. Prude.

Oh and in Britain, they call it Cluedo. We call it Clue over here. I like Cluedo better, because it has the "do" which makes me laugh. Do...Doo

Eva also talked about what her and Posh do when they hang out, “We eat! And we hang out at each other’s houses. We don’t go out that much actually. We just do normal girl things when we’re along - we have a meal and a catch up.”

Again, if this wasn't Eva saying it, I would think this was code for "we get lesbionic."

Praying mantis, Posh Beckham, dropped by Kitson in West Hollywood to check up on her denim line. News of the World reported that Kitson and Fred Segal were going to drop her ass, because she doesn't promote it.

New York Magazine reports that Kitson is still carrying her crap. Kitson owner told British Vogue, "The rumours are ridiculous — Kitson is extremely proud to be selling dVb by Victoria Beckham. We are fully committed to the dVb collection and our customers and Victoria's fans ask for it daily. I've seen next season's collection and I can't wait to get it in-store, especially the new dVb men's collection, launching in September."

Who the hell buys that shit? The only celebrity fashion collection I will ever buy is Jaclyn Smith for KMart, because the woman has a keen eye for fashion.

Posh needs to get off her bony ass and go do some promoting! It can't be hard. You show up, you pose, you sign a couple of autographs and then you go to lunch and eat a salad. Well, if you're Posh you eat some frozen grapes and wheatgrass diarrhea.

Now I must go file my taxes. Yes, I'm one of those dumb skanks that files right up until the deadline. What's the point of filing early? What if the IRS suddenly changes their mind about taxes this year? What if they decide at the last minute that taxes are "on them" this year. Stranger things have happened.

Tommy Girl is trying to break up the friendship between Posh Spice and his robot wife. The Daily Mail reports that Tommy has grown concerned about Katie's rapid weight loss and he blames Posh. Katie has been copying Posh down to her diet.

A source said, "She is very thin largely because she is following Victoria's strict 900-calories-a-day eating plan. She is copying Victoria's fad of eating seaweed shakes, frozen grapes and edamame beans. She is tiny." 900-calories?! My morning coffee is 900-calories, because of all the sugar, cream, cinnamon, chocolate and Cool Whip I put in it.

A seaweed shake sounds like something that would come out of Tommy Girl's ass. And frozen grapes are only delicious when poured into white wine. That diet fucking sucks! No wonder they both look like death fucked them in the ass and left them raw. Both of these bitches need to join me for lunch at the Hometown Buffet. All you can vomit sundaes!

I also don't know what Tommy Girl's problem is. If he has such a problem with Katie's relationship with Posh, he should program her to stay away from the woman. It just takes two keystrokes.

Something tells me Joan Rivers switched surgeons and the new one tightened up her mask a little too much. Yeah, she goes in for routine tightening the way some kids go to get their braces tightened regularly. Joan has unleashed her memaw grouchiness on Posh Beckham.

Joan told OK! Magazine, "I dislike Victoria Beckham. The entitlement - the total entitlement. You want to say: ‘Calm down, you were a Spice Girl.’ The arrogance when she walks into a room is astonishing.”

And you're a Muppet, Joan. NEXT! Seriously, what's the problem? Spice Girl? Yes. Arrogant? Yes. And? That's all Joan has? She's stating the obvious.

Joan needs to go for the aorta. Call Posh a fat ass or something. We need to get Posh angry with Joan, so we can stage an oil wrestling match between the two. Maybe that's not a good idea. The only losers would be us, because we'd have to see these two greasy chicken bones in bikinis.