God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
So you’ve got a movie coming out. Time to pick out an outfit for the premiere, get a pedicure, and ruffle the feathers of a marginalized community. Now, I hear you, “but I AM part of a marginalized community”. Well boo fucking hoo, it doesn’t matter! Now go get yourself dragged up and down Twitter! Gina Rodriguez is the latest celebrity to find herself on the back foot after being accused of having a history of espousing anti-black sentiment. And when she finally took steps to address the backlash head-on, many people felt she gave a masterclass on Performative Tears For The Stage And Screen.
Over the weekend, people outside of the Guardians of the Galaxy fandom became uncomfortably familiar with the name James Gunn (a name I personally have confused with Jame Gumb, which is an entirely different type of uncomfortable all together). James Gunn was fired by Walt Disney Studios from the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 after a conservative website went through his Twitter and dug up some decade-old jokes about rape and pedophilia.
Sometimes when a higher up is fired for some unsavory behavior, their former co-workers might pull an “I don’t know them.” But it’s usually circumstantial. And under these circumstances, several Guardians of the Galaxy stars have loudly come to his defense.
When Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence’s Two Sexy Goofs in Space film, Passengers, came out last December, many hated it. One of the major reasons why people weren’t feeling Passengers was because they found Chris Pratt’s character to be a bit of a creepy stalker. Chris Pratt is surprised that people felt that way.
Defiant Nina Simone cosplayer Zoe Saldana birthed out a third baby last weekend at Cedars-Sinai hospital in L.A. Zoe and her husband, Italian artist Marco Perego (who sort of looks like if Fabio’s representation convinced him to go hipster in hopes of broadening his appeal) announced the birth on Instagram. And the kid’s name is going to make you go “om.”
No, that is not a screen shot of Ben Affleck making the face that his brother Casey Affleck made while jacking it to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder. I don’t hate you that much.
Ben Affleck was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to whore out his Prohibition turd, Live By Night, and during the interview he pretended to be highly offended over his brother Casey Affleck not thanking him at the Golden Globes on Sunday night. Ben got revenge on Casey for not giving thanks to the trick who made it all possible by burping up embarrassing facts about his brother. One of those embarrassing facts about Casey included him fapping while watching Small Wonder. I blame Casey Affleck for the reason why Jamie Lawson went on to live under a bridge.