So you’ve got a movie coming out. Time to pick out an outfit for the premiere, get a pedicure, and ruffle the feathers of a marginalized community. Now, I hear you, “but I AM part of a marginalized community”. Well boo fucking hoo, it doesn’t matter! Now go get yourself dragged up and down Twitter! Gina Rodriguez is the latest celebrity to find herself on the back foot after being accused of having a history of espousing anti-black sentiment. And when she finally took steps to address the backlash head-on, many people felt she gave a masterclass on Performative Tears For The Stage And Screen.
Over the weekend, people outside of the Guardians of the Galaxy fandom became uncomfortably familiar with the name James Gunn (a name I personally have confused with Jame Gumb, which is an entirely different type of uncomfortable all together). James Gunn was fired by Walt Disney Studios from the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 after a conservative website went through his Twitter and dug up some decade-old jokes about rape and pedophilia.
Sometimes when a higher up is fired for some unsavory behavior, their former co-workers might pull an “I don’t know them.” But it’s usually circumstantial. And under these circumstances, several Guardians of the Galaxy stars have loudly come to his defense.
When Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence’s Two Sexy Goofs in Space film, Passengers, came out last December, many hated it. One of the major reasons why people weren’t feeling Passengers was because they found Chris Pratt’s character to be a bit of a creepy stalker. Chris Pratt is surprised that people felt that way.
Defiant Nina Simone cosplayer Zoe Saldana birthed out a third baby last weekend at Cedars-Sinai hospital in L.A. Zoe and her husband, Italian artist Marco Perego (who sort of looks like if Fabio’s representation convinced him to go hipster in hopes of broadening his appeal) announced the birth on Instagram. And the kid’s name is going to make you go “om.”
No, that is not a screen shot of Ben Affleck making the face that his brother Casey Affleck made while jacking it to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder. I don’t hate you that much.
Ben Affleck was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to whore out his Prohibition turd, Live By Night, and during the interview he pretended to be highly offended over his brother Casey Affleck not thanking him at the Golden Globes on Sunday night. Ben got revenge on Casey for not giving thanks to the trick who made it all possible by burping up embarrassing facts about his brother. One of those embarrassing facts about Casey included him fapping while watching Small Wonder. I blame Casey Affleck for the reason why Jamie Lawson went on to live under a bridge.
I don’t think Idris Elba is too old to play James Bond. But I do think he’s too old to be showing up to a premiere dressed like an Ivy League frat boy going to a keg party in the Hamptons. A grown and mature movie star wears a tuxedo g-string to a premiere if he wants to be respected! (Shhh, just so with it.)
The noted clit tingler is currently on the Star Trek promo tour, but it should really be called the “Stop Asking Me About That Bond Shit 2016 Tour.” Because Idris’ ears have been humped with question after question about whether Daniel Craig is going to pass the
torch martini to him or not. While talking to Michael Strahan on Good Morning America (via NYDN), the Bond shit was brought up again and Idris said that he’s got too many rings on his trunk (wink wink) to play Bond.
“It is the wildest rumor in the world. I keep saying if it were to happen it would be the will of a nation because there hasn’t been any talks between me and the studio about any of that. But everywhere I go people want that to happen. If I’m really honest man, I think I’m too old for that. Running around in cars, and ladies and martinis, who wants to do that? Sounds terrible.”
He must’ve been telling jokes. Idris is 45. Daniel Craig was 47 when Spectre came out and Pierce Brosnan was 49 when Die Another Day was released. When Roger Moore shot A View to a Kill, he should’ve sprinkled wheat germ in his martinis, because he was 58 when it came out. Idris is not too old. But if Idris wants to play Bond, he just fucked himself and not in a sexy way. The producers really aren’t going to hire him now. They’re going to assume that he’s on the bad shit again. I mean, who says that a man is “too old” for a role in a Hollywood movie? They don’t even know what those words mean in Hollywood. That’s crazy talk!
And here’s more of Idris bringing the sex (even in those sneakers) at the premiere of Star Trek Beyond in San Diego, CA yesterday. I also threw in pictures of Chris Pine fighting the hot with that goatee and Zachary Quinto looking like an extra in an Aqua video.