When Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence’s Two Sexy Goofs in Space film, Passengers, came out last December, many hated it. One of the major reasons why people weren’t feeling Passengers was because they found Chris Pratt’s character to be a bit of a creepy stalker. Chris Pratt is surprised that people felt that way.
Defiant Nina Simone cosplayer Zoe Saldana birthed out a third baby last weekend at Cedars-Sinai hospital in L.A. Zoe and her husband, Italian artist Marco Perego (who sort of looks like if Fabio’s representation convinced him to go hipster in hopes of broadening his appeal) announced the birth on Instagram. And the kid’s name is going to make you go “om.”
No, that is not a screen shot of Ben Affleck making the face that his brother Casey Affleck made while jacking it to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder. I don’t hate you that much.
Ben Affleck was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to whore out his Prohibition turd, Live By Night, and during the interview he pretended to be highly offended over his brother Casey Affleck not thanking him at the Golden Globes on Sunday night. Ben got revenge on Casey for not giving thanks to the trick who made it all possible by burping up embarrassing facts about his brother. One of those embarrassing facts about Casey included him fapping while watching Small Wonder. I blame Casey Affleck for the reason why Jamie Lawson went on to live under a bridge.
I don’t think Idris Elba is too old to play James Bond. But I do think he’s too old to be showing up to a premiere dressed like an Ivy League frat boy going to a keg party in the Hamptons. A grown and mature movie star wears a tuxedo g-string to a premiere if he wants to be respected! (Shhh, just so with it.)
The noted clit tingler is currently on the Star Trek promo tour, but it should really be called the “Stop Asking Me About That Bond Shit 2016 Tour.” Because Idris’ ears have been humped with question after question about whether Daniel Craig is going to pass the
torch martini to him or not. While talking to Michael Strahan on Good Morning America (via NYDN), the Bond shit was brought up again and Idris said that he’s got too many rings on his trunk (wink wink) to play Bond.
“It is the wildest rumor in the world. I keep saying if it were to happen it would be the will of a nation because there hasn’t been any talks between me and the studio about any of that. But everywhere I go people want that to happen. If I’m really honest man, I think I’m too old for that. Running around in cars, and ladies and martinis, who wants to do that? Sounds terrible.”
He must’ve been telling jokes. Idris is 45. Daniel Craig was 47 when Spectre came out and Pierce Brosnan was 49 when Die Another Day was released. When Roger Moore shot A View to a Kill, he should’ve sprinkled wheat germ in his martinis, because he was 58 when it came out. Idris is not too old. But if Idris wants to play Bond, he just fucked himself and not in a sexy way. The producers really aren’t going to hire him now. They’re going to assume that he’s on the bad shit again. I mean, who says that a man is “too old” for a role in a Hollywood movie? They don’t even know what those words mean in Hollywood. That’s crazy talk!
And here’s more of Idris bringing the sex (even in those sneakers) at the premiere of Star Trek Beyond in San Diego, CA yesterday. I also threw in pictures of Chris Pine fighting the hot with that goatee and Zachary Quinto looking like an extra in an Aqua video.
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
Over three years ago, the first pictures of Zoe Saldana filming the Nina Simone biopic came out and some people’s eyeballs are probably still recovering from the hard side-eye they threw at that mess. Zoe’s skin was painted darker and she was wearing the fake nose that Nicole Kidman wear in The Hours. To quote my mom when a 10-year-old me came out of my room wearing a Body Glove tank top and shiny biker shorts under jean cut-offs: “That’s not a good look.” She actually said, “Why are you wearing my cut-offs?“, but that didn’t really work with this post.
Nina Simone’s daughter, Simone (born name: Lisa Celeste Stroud), gave a thumbs down to everything about the movie. Simone gave a thumbs down to the biopic itself, because the director Cynthia Mort never asked any of Nina’s family members to participate in it. Simone also gave a thumbs down to the casting of Zoe Saldana as her mother. That movie got bad press before it even finished filming. That happened 3 years ago. I figured that the studio was like, “Err, what Nina Simone biopic? We don’t know what you’re talking about,” before throwing a sheet over the copies of it collecting dust on a shelf. But nope, it’s actually going to be released.
A trailer came out today and well…. David Oyelowo looks hot in it.
UPDATE: I think it’s safe to say that whoever runs Nina Simone’s official Twitter account is not going to buy a ticket to see that movie.
.@zoesaldana Cool story but please take Nina's name out your mouth. For the rest of your life.
— Nina Simone (@NinaSimoneMusic) March 3, 2016