Although Gigi Hadid and Joe Jonas weren’t together all that long and seemed to have an amicable break-up, the JoBro warbler appeared to be a little peeved when he was interviewed after Gigi started canoodling with a One Directioner. He sat down with the Daily Mirror in 2016 and said, “I think it’s interesting that she moved on so quickly, I mean it was definitely very quick.”
Welp, fast forward a year, and the Supermodel/”Bitch of the moment” Gigi is on the cover of the August issue of American Vogue with boyfriend Zayn Malik looking like some plaid reboot of Victor/Victoria.
Gigi and Bella Hadid were both at a friend’s birthday party the other day, and since they have to put absolutely everything on social media, Bella posted a video on Instagram of Gigi mimicking the Asian eyes on a cookie. Bella deleted that video, but the damage was already done and many labeled Gigi as the new Miley Cyrus (and RiRi)!
Taylor Swift and Zayn Malik’s song I Don’t Wanna Live Forever is ten layers of annoying wrapped in twenty layers of unsexy, so it’s perfect for the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack. The video for it, which came out last night, is also perfect, because like a Fifty Shades movie, you’ll want to turn it off after 15 seconds. That’s if you don’t fall into a boredom-induced coma first.
Pictured: Taylor, Zayn and a traumatized pussy doing an impersonation of your eardrums while listening to their new duet.
Last night, Taylor Swift surprised her fans when she twatted a 30-second clip of the song that she and Zayn Malik yodeled out for the Fifty Shits Darker soundtrack. Taylor and Zayn doing a song for Fifty Shits is the new definition of “WUT?” for a lot of people, but it makes perfect sense to me. Judging by the trailers and the first dried turd nugget of a movie, Fifty Shits Darker looks about as hot and sexy as a bag of freezer-burnt succotash, so it’s completely on brand and 100% fitting for Taylor Swift to do a song for it. It’s a perfect fit!
Yesterday Ukrainian “prankster” Vitalii Sediuk picked up Gigi Hadid from behind as she was leaving a show during Milan Fashion Week, and she responded by throwing an elbow into his face. Vitalii recently spoke to The Hollywood Reporter about getting whooped by Gigi, and we finally have a reason for why he did what he did.
I should slap myself with a bottle of cucumber melon lotion (which you know is Taylor Swift’s favorite scent because it would be) for writing that headline. Taylor Swift is nobody’s third wheel! Taylor Swift is a superstar unicycle and that Dollar Tree Helena Christensen named Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik are her second and third wheels!
Karlie Kloss’ position as the highest ranking model friend in Tay Tay’s squad must have dropped and Gigi Hadid must have replaced her. Because Taylor went to the show for Gigi’s collection for Tommy Hillfiger over the weekend, and last night the two had dinner with Zayn. And the “Rhoda going boating” mess of a dress that Taylor is wearing is from Gigi’s collection. So Taylor must really want to show us how good she is at friendship-ing if she wore that ugly shit out in public.
The next time Taylor does a photo-op pap strut with Gigi, the two should probably coordinate looks. Because while Gigi looks like a sad goth in body bag pants, Taylor looks like a high school English teacher who does astrology charts for her students after class. Taylor also looks like a mom chaperoning her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend on a date. And Gigi and Zayn look like the daughter and daughter’s boyfriend who just did drugs in the bathroom and are trying hard to look sober in front of Mrs. Swift.