The day before Donald Trump and Steve Bannon went from tongue boning each other in the asshole to eating each other alive (and definitely not in a sexy way), the Trump son who isn’t Don Jr. or Barron, decided to remind people that he exists by putting on his tin foil MAGA cap to say that he believes that Ellen DeGeneres is a secret member of an organization that is trying to undermine his dad. (SPOILER ALERT: The organization that is trying to undermine Trump exists in Trump’s head since it’s his own brain.)
Last year, a company called Feyoncé Inc. found out the hard way that nobody makes a dime off Beyoncé’s name but Beyoncé. Feyoncé had produced engagement-themed mugs and shirts featuring the word “feyoncé” in Beyoncé’s preferred typeface. Beyoncé sued. Feyoncé Inc. just recently responded to Beyoncé’s lawsuit.
Pray for Reese Witherspoon, ya’ll. The Notorious LJP is in mortal danger. No, she didn’t get into it with by the cops again; Reese ran afoul of a cabal of mommy bloggers. May God save her soul. More ruthless than a gang of crooked cops and scarier than a house full of sorority girls during rush, mommy bloggers are not to be fucked with. According to Redbook, Reese made the mistake of her life while giving an acceptance speech for some award.
Diseases are getting dragged this week. First, Hanson compared Chlamydia to Justin Bieber’s voice, and now Lorde is saying that being friends with Taylor Swift is like being friends with someone with an autoimmune disease. Hanson has yet to burp up a sorry for shitting on Chlamydia like that, but Lorde has apologized, and probably because she realized that someone with a disease like Lupus already has enough to deal with and they don’t need to be compared to the exhaustive snake in Skipper’s clothing.
Surprise, Surprise, People Are Pissed About This Picture Of Kathy Griffin Holding A “Bloody” Trump Mask (UPDATE)
When Jabba the Trump won the election, Amanda Palmer said that it’s going to be a shit show but at least the world would get some “amazing satirically political art” Well, ask and ye shall receive, Amanda!
The edgiest artist who ever arted, Tyler Shields, and proud attention whore Kathy Griffin got together and made some HIGH ART that’s got both sides shaking their heads. Some conservatives, including Jabba the Trump Jr., have dropped their champagne popsicles to wave a fist of rage at Kathy and demand that the FBI stop investigating Russia and start investigating that ginger threat to POTUS (they didn’t say that but I’m sure Trump will). Some liberals, including Chelsea Clinton, are side-eying Kathy like, “Bitch, you ain’t helping.”
Mo’Nique may be an Oscar winner, but her most prized trophy is probably the lifetime achievement award she got from the Don’t Give A Fuck Society. If Lee Daniels ever does a sequel to Precious called Precious II: Preciouser, Oprah will probably be the one wearing a tracksuit as Mary, because Mo’Nique blew up that bridge and buried its ashes in a grave at the bottom of the ocean. Mo’Nique’s jaw bone must be a next-level kind of strong, because she worked it out while going off on how Lee Daniels told her that she wasn’t getting good roles after winning the Oscar for Precious because she was blackballed for being difficult to work with. Mo’Nique says she was supposed to play Cookie in Lee Daniels’ Empire and the role that Oprah played in The Butler was originally hers.
Lee also supposedly told Mo’Nique that she didn’t play the game. He also pretty much confirmed to The Hollywood Reporter in 2015 that he’s fucking done with Mo’Nique professionally. But Mo’Nique isn’t done calling him out and this weekend, she also dragged Oprah and Tyler Perry into it. I raise my hands and praise any David who goes up against one Goliath (let alone three), but even I’m dropping my arms so that I can use one hand to cup Mo’Nique ear and say, “Err, I don’t know if you want to find yourself acting alongside Mr. Fluffy in a kitty litter commercial.”