Aziz Ansari hosted Saturday Night Live this weekend and his monologue was just him doing stand-up. And since his episode happened the day after the inauguration, his jokes were mostly about Trump. Aziz probably expected his monologue would trigger a Twitter tantrump. Instead, the person who slapped at him the next morning was Chris Brown. Sorry, I really should have specified that it was a verbal slapping. It is Chris Brown we’re talking about, after all.
Gwyneth Paltrow recently discovered yoni eggs, which are egg-shaped stones you shove up your snatch to allegedly help you keep things tight and tingly. Yesterday we learned that Gwyneth was selling a $66 jade egg on her website specifically to put up your vagina. Goop claimed that the jade egg would work in a number of magical ways, which included increases in chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy. She also did a Q&A with the maker of the eggs, Shiva Rose. GOOP’s jade egg has already sold out.
A gynecologist named Dr. Jen Gunter has chimed in with her thoughts. Dr. Jen wrote an open letter to Gwyneth, and surprisingly it wasn’t to congratulate Gwyneth on successfully finding a new way to waste people’s money.
Avril Lavigne may have moved on from one busted-haired musician that won’t go away to another. But that doesn’t mean she won’t stand up and defend Nickelback’s honor when someone takes a dump on them. I know, “honor” was a weird choice of word to describe what Nickelback has.
Uh oh, do you hear that? That low rumbling sound that tells you there’s a disturbance in the fame whore force? I believe that sound is caused by Kim and Khloe Kardashian angrily bouncing their Hoppy Ball butts down to their lawyer’s office while Kourtney Kardashian trails half a mile behind them (she gets distracted in the outside).
It’s been a bad year for exotic animals being forced to interact with famous douchebags. Back in May, a tiger was the guest of honor at an engagement party for Justin Bieber’s daddy. Then on Tuesday, French Montana celebrated his birthday by making an elephant do tricks on his driveway. I don’t know what is making me more sad: that that elephant was forced to perform for a former Kardashian boyfriend, or how close it came to catching a glimpse of his flaccid business popping out of his bathrobe.
I’m sure this picture of Taylor Swift wearing the team colors isn’t helping. According to The Oregonian, several San Francisco Giants fans are pissed at Taylor and itt turns out it’s because she messed up their World Series superstition by not releasing an album this year. Curse you, Taylor Swift!