According to TMZ, Katy Perry’s upcoming single Bon Appétit has already made some of her fans feel sick to their stomachs, and it has nothing to do with imagining how gross it would be to receive a plate of fruit garnished with her severed head.
Somewhere, a sad trumpet is playing Taps for waist trainers, for it seems they’re no longer the favorite excuse for how a Kardashian’s body suddenly looks different. Now it’s the flu. The illness that takes your ass halfway into the afterlife with vomiting, chills, cold sweats, hallucinations, and diarrhea is apparently Kim Kardashian’s new weight loss plan. And as you already know, a whole lot of people recently dragged her for admitting so.
Last night, Kim went to dinner in Los Angeles looking like a human tapeworm.
Kim Kardashian West last night pic.twitter.com/pTIiwcKFO4
— KKW (@KimKLegion) April 19, 2017
UsWeekly says Kim explained why her body looked a tad smaller by tweeting that she had lost 6lbs thanks to the flu.
“The flu can be an amazing diet. So happy it came in time for the Met lol #6lbsdown”
The two brain cells shuffling around in Kim’s cranium must have been busy trying to help her decide which shade of beige looks best wrapped around her butt, because they clearly weren’t there to whisper “Um, people might not lol at referring to the flu an amazing diet.” Some people on Twitter dragged Kim for glamorizing an illness and questioned whether she would say the same thing to her daughter if she got sick with the flu. Kim eventually deleted the tweet.
Personally, I think Kim deleted the tweet after Kris Jenner caught wind of Kim giving away diet tips for free. “Kim, you should know better! If you’re going to promote an unhealthy way to lose weight, at least try to register it as a trademark. The Flu™ could have been a bigger Instagram scam than Flat Tummy Tea!”
E! announced yesterday that Kylie Jenner will star in an upcoming 8-episode
commercial for Kylie Cosmetics docu-series called Life of Kylie. A source tells People that the Kardashian-Jenners are mostly supportive of Kylie’s new show. Mostly. That source goes on to claim that some of Kylie’s sisters are also seething with jealousy. Pray that Health Nut never goes out of business; those salads they’re always eating could be only thing keeping Khloe and Kourtney from grinding their teeth down to veneer nubbins.
“Kylie and Kendall [Jenner] really are the next generation. [They keep] the entire family relevant.
Overall, everyone is really happy about it. But of course, there’s some jealousy that comes along with all the attention that Kylie is getting.”
I wish that source would have leaked some useful information, like why in the hell is her show named Life of Kylie. The strongest theory I’ve got is that it’s a play on Life of Pi, because sometimes they call her Ky. That, and she’s trapped with a Tyga who is just using her until it can move on to something better.
Of course some of the Kardashians would be jealous, but it’s silly to feel that way. They need to remember that when one demon snake head gets more famous, the whole hydra beast benefits. Not to mention that Kylie’s reign won’t last forever. Eventually Kris Jenner will start grooming North West, Penelope Disick, and Dream Kardashian for a show called Try To Kare About the Kousins. Enjoy it while it lasts, Kylie!
That stereotypical “Can I speak to a manager?” haircut just applied for unemployment benefits, because Cat Deeley is doing a good job of becoming the newest face of an angry customer. People says that the host of So You Think You Can Dance threw down with a restaurant on Twitter. Oh boy, you know someone is truly pissed when they skip Yelp entirely and head straight to Twitter.
Tori Spelling is currently pregnant with her and Dean McDermott’s fifth child. Tori loves free shit and she loves to waste her mom’s money, so Candy Spelling threw her a huge, expensive baby shower on February 11th at the Bel Air Hotel. A source tells The Daily Mail that Candy dropped $40,000 on the baby shower, money that probably would have been better spent paying off one of Tori and The Deaner’s many debts. Or paying off Dean’s ex-wife Mary Jo Eustace.
Sources tell Page Six that Mary Jo was “livid” after she learned about the $40,000 baby shower. So livid she needed to zen-out in nature days after it happened, apparently.
Letting his mother-in-law throw a $40,000 baby shower might not have been the smoothest move; Dean reportedly owes Mary Jo thousands of dollars in unpaid child support for their 18-year-old son Jack. Mary Jo is taking The Deaner to court in Los Angeles next month.
Candy Spelling just spent $40,000 on Tori and The Deaner, and so I’m sure he’s going to hit her up for his latest child-related hand out. I bet he’s writing the email right now.
“Yo, whats’s up Candy Cane? Listen, The Deaner needs a financial favor from his favorite sugar grandmama. Turns out Daddy’s been a little greasy in the child support department. I figured since you’re already footing the bill for my other ones, you might help me out with the first one I made. If only The Deaner could get paid for making kids, amiright? PS – throw in a couple extra bucks for me? Taco Bell has this new fried chicken chalupa that I just can’t get enough of!”
Katy Perry performed her new single, Chained to the Rhythm, at the Grammys last night while simultaneously paying tribute to Wilson from Home Improvement. But before that, she walked the red carpet and caused some of the internet to start furiously typing after hearing Katy not-so-subtly drag Britney Spears not once, but twice.