Category: You Fucked Up

Lauren Sanchez And Jeff Bezos May No Longer Be Together

March 20, 2019 / Posted by:

The Wall Street Journal claimed this week that Lauren Sanchez’s Trump-loving gay brother, Michael Sanchez, sold her out to The National Enquirer for $200,000 by giving them sexts between her and Jeff Bezos. The WSJ also said that Michael gave the Enquirer dick pics that Jeff texted Lauren. Michael denied that he gave Jeff’s dick pics to the Enquirer. But now he’s telling Page Six that he did help the Enquirer with their exposé on Jeff and Lauren allegedly cheating on their spouses by bumping home wrecking fuck parts. Michael claims he made a deal with the Enquirer to help his sister. No word if “sister” is his nickname for his checking account, but one source claims that his acts of greedy buffoonery may have fucked up his sister’s chances at becoming a billionaire’s second wife!

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Ryan Lochte Has Been Banned From Swimming For 14 Months For Getting A Prohibited Injection

July 23, 2018 / Posted by:

If I had to guess what makes the Ryan Lochte swimming machine run, I would probably say a six-pack of high-sugar Monster energy drinks, an order of mozzarella sticks from a bar, a bottle of tanning oil, and a whole chlorine puck. All the essential nutrients and energy a brah needs to whip around the pool. And according to USA Today, Ryan does an IV infusion too and that’s a major no-no with the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency. Ryan has been suspended from swimming because of it. The worst part is, Ryan stupidly left all the evidence out in the open on social media.

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GASP! SCREAM! GASP! Duchess Meghan Got Into The Car Before THE QUEEN! 

June 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Oh how I hate Duchess Meghan. At night, she gets to listen to the sound of her now royal vagine cooing out the chorus to Hallelujah as it rubs on Prince Hot Ginge’s ginger crotch scepter. And during the day, she gets to put on an Ann Taylor LOFT a Givenchy ensemble for her “day job” where she gets to work events with THE QUEEN who definitely mutters shit like, “Fuck this bollocks arse bloody arse blooming dumb shite, I could be watching EastEnders while Philly sucks on mi toes,” through her gritted teeth as she puts on a manufactured smile for her loyal subjects. Duchess Meghan is living the life, but she jacked that up today. This is the biggest act of disrespect by an American against the crown since those New England settlers broke up with Britain. This is even worse, actually!

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Beyoncé Might Have Slapped Tiffany Haddish On The Wrist In A New Song

March 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Tiffany Haddish might have just learned a valuable lesson. You may meet her majesty Beyoncé, but much like Fight Club or Michelle Williams, you do not talk about it. Earlier this month, Tiffany spilled the details of meeting Beyoncé for the first time. The juiciest part was that Tiffany claimed to bear witness to Beyoncé asserting her dominance over an actress that made the grave mistake of getting flirty with Jay-Z. Beyoncé might have let Tiffany have it in a song.

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