Category: Yoko Ono

Yoko Ono Is In The Hospital

February 27, 2016 / Posted by:

If you felt a sharp jab of pain in the part of heart that is reserved for the AVANT and the HAUTE, that’s because ARTIST and CREATIVE PERSON Yoko Ono was rushed to the hospital. Originally thought to be a stroke, it turned out to be less serious “flu-like symptoms” according to her spokesman, via Page Six.

It’s being reported that a call was made to 911 around 9pm Friday night from her Upper West Side apartment and the person calling said she had “slurred speech” and was “possibly having a stroke.” Soon after the call, she was rushed to Mount Sinai West hospital. Her son, hat enthusiast Sean Ono Lennon, tweeted:

Although some would say “oh that’s creepy!” that she was rushed to the same hospital John Lennon passed away at after he was assassinated in 1980, I don’t. She’s lived in the damn Dakota, aka the Rosemary’s Baby building, since 1973 and Sinai West is the closest hospital. I’m happy she’s ok. I have a lot of friends that love her for her ART and MUSIC but I love her for her greatest achievement – breaking up The Beatles. Yes, I’m a Beatles hater. (Come at me!) Stay strong Yoko.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Yoko Ono Says That John Lennon Wanted To Do A Dude But Couldn’t Find A Hot Enough One

October 14, 2015 / Posted by:

John Lennon supposedly made fun of the Beatles‘ manager Brian Epstein for being gay. Maybe John did that because Brian was getting peen and he wasn’t because he was too damn picky. At least that’s what Yoko Ono says. In her latest interview about John with The Daily Beast, Yoko says that he was a picky bi who wanted to roll around naked with another dude but his high standards kept him from doing so.

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Yoko Ono Cast Some Kind Of Black Magic Spell At The Grammys Last Night

January 27, 2014 / Posted by:

When Daft Punk, Pharrell, Stevie Wonder and Nile Rodgers busted out a performance “Get Lucky” with a side of “Le Freak” and “Another Star” at the Grammys last night, the audience magically transformed into rave night at the retirement home. Who spiked the tapioca pudding with Ecstasy? I came for Pharrell’s Mountie hat on steroids, which looked like it was eating his tiny Doberman puppy head, and I stayed for the memaws and pepaws showing those young whores how to really serve up some piping hot moves. Put those replaced hips to work, bitches!

Every time the camera cut to the audience, my eyes were gifted with a new jewel. They gave us Paul McCartney awkwardly snap dancing like a sober grandpa who just dropped E and is waiting for it to kick in (aka like me at my first rave). They gave us Steven Tyler rolling out some Solid Gold moves. And Yoko Ono did this:

yokoonondancingblackmagic

I don’t even know what that is, but I wanted to see more of it. It’s probably some kind of super powerful band wrecking curse and we should all expect Daft Punk to release a statement today saying that they have broken up and will never work together again. Yoko Ono’s band wrecking powers are alive and well and more powerful than ever!

And here’s Yoko, Sean Lennon and Sean’s girlfriend Charlotte Kemp Muhl looking like the members of an Amish traveling circus at the Grammys last night. I also threw in pictures of Jack Skellington’s body twin Steven Tyler wearing my First Communion suit while posing like a freshmen at Barbizon.

Pics: Wenn.com GIF: Tumblr

Justin Bieber Will Take One In Every Color

November 28, 2012 / Posted by:

When designing her men’s fashion line for Opening Ceremony, Yoko Ono obviously found inspiration from style icons Regina George, Michael Lohan and Bruno. If you’ve got a couple thousand dollars available on your credit card and really want to look like a mental patient in The Fifth Element world (or like a visual representation of Tilda Swinton’s thought process), jump over to Opening Ceremony and go crazy.

Yoko Onoshedidnt (I hate myself for typing that) tells Opening Ceremony that in 1969, she sketched a men’s fashion line for John Lennon. Yoko wanted to “celebrate John’s hot bod” and gave him the sketches as a wedding present. I bet John flipped through all those sketches and secretly wished that he would come across a sketch of a gift receipt so he could return all that shit. 43 years after Yoko gave John the worst wedding gift ever, Opening Ceremony has helped her to bring those sketches to life.

For just $250, you can get a bandeau tube top with light bulbs nipples. I know that top is TOO masculine for some of you ladies, but if you’re currently breastfeeding and want to confuse (or shock) the shit out of your baby, wear this. For just $75, you can get a hoodie that Yoko Ono calls the “butt hoodie,” but to me it looks more like something that would flop on your forehead during teabag night at the Lemon Party Strip Club. For just $400, you can get a Ring For Your Mommy” bell board. All of these clothes make me want to ring for my mommy, so that’s the one thing I’d buy. There’s also a jock strap with LED lights on the peen part and pants that look like they’re giving you a prostate exam and a nutsack cancer check.

Yoko Ono is a new kind of crazy, but we already knew that. And the Church of Scientology just found their new staff uniforms.

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