Hollywood did an English-language remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo in 2011, because they knew that us Americans are way too lazy to read subtitles while watching the Swedish version. Besides, how can I troll Grindr and answer e-mails in the movie theater when I have to read subtitles?! David Fincher directed the American version and Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig took over for Noomi Rapace (as Lisbeth Salander) and Michael Nyqvist (as the journalist dude). It cost $90 million to make and made around $233 million worldwide.
David Fincher planned to get everyone back together to do an American version of The Girl Who Played With Fire, the second book in Stieg Larsson’s series, but that obviously never happened. Deadline says that Sony is now making plans to do an American movie version of The Girl In The Spider’s Web, the fourth book in the series, but David, Rooney and Daniel will not be involved at all. I know, if it’s not going to have any Daniel Craig nips in it, why bother?
ScarJo and French popcorn dude may be at the beginning of an ugly custody fight. Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are in the middle of an ugly custody fight. And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have taken their ugly custody fight behind closed doors. So since 2017 is the year of ugly custody fights, the Kartrashians are trying to get a piece of that “trend.” People says that Blac Chyna is planning to fight Rob Kartrashian for full custody of their 3-month-old daughter Dream Renee. They both obviously really care about the welfare of their child, and by that I mean they care about the welfare of their bank accounts and fame. It seems like no one really cares about the Kartrashians anymore, so Pimp Mama Kris has gotta do something to get back on top of the fame whore ladder. It’s either a messy custody battle, or sacrifice one of their own so that Lucifer can extend their relevancy. “Why is everyone looking at me?” – Scott
On February 17, 2017, this site farted out the headline: Jennifer Garner May Finally File For Divorce From Ben Affleck.
On February 23, 2017, this same site farted out the headline: Jennifer Garner Might Not File For Divorce From Ben Affleck Just Yet.
And now People is saying that Jennifer Garner is no longer planning to legally quit Ben Affleck and they’ve both pressed the pause button on filing for divorce. These messes! They better send all of us a jumbo-sized bottle of Xanax and a barrel of red wine, because they have taken us on a roller coaster of emotions (not really).
Ed Sheeran did an interview with Rolling Stone to pimp out his new album, Divide, and of course, Taylor Swift’s name dropped out of his mouth during it. If Ed doesn’t dribble out her name during an interview, he will disintegrate into a pile of dust. The sole reason for Ed Sheeran’s existence is to name drop Taylor Swift in interviews! Not only did Ed Sheeran drop Tay Tay’s name for the 4,098,765th time, but he also said that some of her squad members have gotten a taste of his ginger hobbit dick. Don’t worry, squad members who have fucked Ed, he didn’t name names. I’m sure the ginger John Mayer is saving that for the promo tour for his next album.
Tom Hiddleston is doing the rounds to promote the Khloe Kardashian origin movie, Kong: Skull Island, and since he spilled his feelings about the Taylor Swift shit in a hilarious interview with GQ, he has been asked about her. At one point it seemed like Tom Hiddleston’s official job title was “Taylor Swift’s PR Stunt Partner,” but now one of the thirstiest hos on the stroll wants everyone to respect the “privacy please” sign that is hanging on his door.
Both The Telegraph and Savannah Guthrie of Today asked Tom about Taylor, and he said that his private life is private. The paparazzi must be so confused now. If they should ever receive an “anonymous tip” saying that Tom Hiddleston is currently burning his “I Heart T.S.” tank top in a bonfire outside of Taylor’s Rhode Island mansion, do they show up or is Tom’s publicist just cock teasing them?
“If this motherfucker tries his ‘techniques‘ with me, bitch is gonna end up in the well with that annoying ass Timmy.” – Lassie in that picture, obviously.
Cesar Millan’s Once Upon A Dog tour (yes, he has a tour) is about to travel through Europe and so to promote it, he talked to The Daily Mail’s Femail about all things dog. Cesar burped up his wisdom including how he believes the young tricks today shouldn’t make the longterm commitment of adopting a dog. I don’t know about the other millennials, but millennial skid mark Justin Bieber should definitely open up his ears to Cesar’s words.