Somewhere, a sad trumpet is playing Taps for waist trainers, for it seems they’re no longer the favorite excuse for how a Kardashian’s body suddenly looks different. Now it’s the flu. The illness that takes your ass halfway into the afterlife with vomiting, chills, cold sweats, hallucinations, and diarrhea is apparently Kim Kardashian’s new weight loss plan. And as you already know, a whole lot of people recently dragged her for admitting so.
Last night, Kim went to dinner in Los Angeles looking like a human tapeworm.
Kim Kardashian West last night pic.twitter.com/pTIiwcKFO4
— KKW (@KimKLegion) April 19, 2017
UsWeekly says Kim explained why her body looked a tad smaller by tweeting that she had lost 6lbs thanks to the flu.
“The flu can be an amazing diet. So happy it came in time for the Met lol #6lbsdown”
The two brain cells shuffling around in Kim’s cranium must have been busy trying to help her decide which shade of beige looks best wrapped around her butt, because they clearly weren’t there to whisper “Um, people might not lol at referring to the flu an amazing diet.” Some people on Twitter dragged Kim for glamorizing an illness and questioned whether she would say the same thing to her daughter if she got sick with the flu. Kim eventually deleted the tweet.
Personally, I think Kim deleted the tweet after Kris Jenner caught wind of Kim giving away diet tips for free. “Kim, you should know better! If you’re going to promote an unhealthy way to lose weight, at least try to register it as a trademark. The Flu™ could have been a bigger Instagram scam than Flat Tummy Tea!”
Amber Heard’s first marriage to Johnny Depp was a grade-A mess from start to finish. Accusations of gold digging, dog smuggling, and a divorce that will go down in Hollywood history as one of the messiest divorce battles every fought by a famous millionaire and his younger famous wife. Well, getting divorced from a rich older dude clearly didn’t scare Amber off marriage for good, because word is she might be thinking about getting married to her older billionaire boyfriend Elon Musk.
What someone should ask Sienna is if that alien lobster tail on her head is sillier than the rumor that she got flirty with Brad.
Earlier this week, I repeated a rumor from Page Six about how Sienna Miller and Brad Pitt flirted with each other at a dinner after the Hollywood premiere of The Lost City of Z, which she’s in and he executive produced. Hearing that Sienna and Brad did the pre-fuck time ceremony together (aka flirting) is like hearing that a Kartrashian bared her naked oiled-up ass on Instagram. You don’t even bother shrugging because it’s something that it’s inevitable and you don’t want to strain your shoulders. But Sienna isn’t amused.
I don’t know, what’s faster than the speed of sound? Whatever it is, there’s officially a new measure of speed, and that’s the speed at which Jennifer Lopez and A-Rod are moving with their relationship. JLo and A-Rod have officially been dating for less than a month, and now a source tells UsWeekly that she might be thinking about making him husband #4.
“They’ve been talking about the future and, of course marriage has come up. They aren’t making wedding plans, but they have been talking about their lives…They have a lot in common and the same interests. It’s going well so far. They are both hoping this goes the distance.”
The source says that JLo’s mom Guadalupe Rodriguez and her sister Lynda Lopez are also into her new boyfriend. Guadalupe and Lynda think A-Rod is “very charming” and good to JLo. The source adds that JLo hasn’t felt this way about anyone in a long time (single tear rolls down Drake’s face), and that “they are very excited for her.”
A-Rod’s family is also into their relationship. Last month, A-Rod’s sister posted a selfie with JLo on Instagram and captioned it with “#miscuñis” (sister-in-law). The source says that their families love them together and that they’re a “perfect match.” No, literally – they match their photo-op outfits perfectly.
So J-Rod could be heading down the aisle. That’s probably why JLo’s mom was caught making a panicked face when they all hung out together last weekend. She wasn’t shocked at how fast things were moving; she was just overwhelmed at the prospect of shopping for her latest mother-of-the-bride dress. “I’ve already done dusty rose, pewter, and seafoam – honey, I’m running out of colors!”
Over the weekend, some people got the image of Val Kilmer spooning with his Lady Tremaine Disney doll while lying on a bedspread covered with Cate Blanchett’s face in a room wallpapered with pictures of her. Val sang from the top of Twitter about his undying love for Cate Blanchett and admitted that he once flew all the way to Australia to talk to her but got her husband instead. He also said that he has dreams of Cate, dreams that don’t involve her husband. Some think that Val’s love for Cate is like the song You’re Beautiful and he’s James Blunt and she’s the subway chick.
Two days ago, The Boogeyman’s idol, Abby Lee Miller, melodramatically farted up an Instagram post where she announced that she’s leaving Dance Moms forever, because she refuses to be manipulated and used by the producers anymore. I’m with Abby. Don’t the producers know that Abby Lee Miller is the only one allowed to do the manipulating and using on Dance Moms? Before Abby quit the show, Lifetime ordered more episodes, so producers brought in choreographer Laurieanne Gibson to fill in. Entertainment Tonight says that Laurieanne filmed for three weeks but left when Abby Lee Miller stormed back on set and demanded that her replacement be kicked off. Entertainment Tonight also says that my former arch rival (in my head), Cheryl “Mop Head” Burke, is taking over for Abby for the rest of the season. So yeah, the girls will go from shaking as Abby screams at them to falling asleep mid-pirouette from listening to boring Cheryl Burke.