Seen above working a pair of succulent chest calzones at a Sirius event in the olden days of 2007, Jamie Foxx reportedly spent the weekend in Mexico lying down on a lounger as his secret lovah Katie Holmes did tequila shots off of his tits. That’s what UsWeekly says anyway.
Jennifer Lawrence is out there pimping another movie, so you know what that means? It’s time for another round of Jennifer Lawrence ass burping up quirky tales of her puking and pissing antics. JLaw telling piss stories while promoting Passengers is actually pretty fitting, because according to early reviews, that shit should be flushed and forgotten.
Fresh off from telling the offensive story about how her ass destroyed sacred rocks in Hawaii, JLaw was on The Late Late Show with James Corden on Tuesday night, and while sitting next to alleged Uber driver slapper T.J. Miller, she told an OMGSORELATABLEOMG that’s only relatable to dogs, Bear Grylls and uncouth babies. JLaw’s friends should maybe get her a Fisher-Price Fun To Learn Potty for Christmas, because it seems like she’s pissing everywhere except a toilet (see: Jennifer Lawrence Pisses In Sinks and this post).
Pictured: Nicole Scherzinger making the same disgusted stank face that all of us made while reading the cast list for the Dirty Dancing remake that need not exist.
ABC decided to join the rest of Hollywood in taking a machete to your childhood and the classics when it gave the thumbs up to a completely unnecessary Dirty Dancing musical movie starring Little Miss Sunshine as Baby, this pillar of chiseled hotness as Johnny Castle, Debra Messing as Baby’s mom, Bruce Greenwood as Baby’s dad, Sarah Hyland as Baby’s sister, Billy Dee Williams as Tito Suarez, Casper Not-So-Smart as Billy, Katey Sagal as Vivian Pressman, Shane Harper as Robbie and low-rent Apollonia Nicole Scherzinger as Penny.
Penny, played by Cynthia Rhodes in the only Dirty Dancing movie we need, gets knocked up with that slut Robbie’s baby and gets an abortion. Nicole tells The Daily Mail that she’s catholic and that her family is firmly against abortion. So she almost didn’t take the part, because she didn’t want to “promote” abortion. Oh yes, that movie where a woman almost dies after getting a back alley abortion is the pro-abortion propaganda film of our time!
Bella Hadid probably can’t go one day without someone saying to her, “Bring yourself back online,” because they mistake her for a Westworld host in sleep mode. Bella told Paper that she knows people think that she makes Kristen Stewart look like a sparkling geyser of bubbly excitement. So Bella was excited about her Paper shoot, because she couldn’t wait to show the people that her face has the ability to contort out of the “comatose porcelain doll” position. Paper did Bella up like a malnourished Xtina crossed with a sugar-less Brooke Candy (Brooke Stevia?) and held on to the sturdies thing in the studio before she nearly knock them on their faces by delivering a high-powered roller coaster of emotions with her facial expressions.
Hadid has, perhaps unfairly, been cast by the media and fashion world as the mysterious, sullen sister, the Veronica to bubbly, blonde Gigi’s Betty. And although Hadid has perfected an intense gaze and pout that remind many of a young Carla Bruni, away from the camera she’s all smiles, laughter and kinetic energy. “People say that I don’t smile, or that I don’t have a personality,” she says, before expressing her excitement over getting to show a new side of herself in the photos that accompany this story.
Below are the NSFW-esque (but is a pierced nipple knob really NSFW?) pictures of Bella showing all seven hundred layers of her personality. These pictures will finally shut the haters up and what I mean by that is that they’ll be unable to talk shit after they pass out from all of the different kinds of facial expressions that Bella hits them with.
And really, Bella Hadid has never looked more glamorous, and I’m only saying that because she looks like Miss Fame as a new money Tank Girl.
Pics: Nicolas Moore/Paper
Even through all of the blurriness, you can clearly see the dude on the left throwing a look that says, “Grrrrrl, please……”
At The Nice Guy in L.A. last night, the Great Value Kaley Cuoco and Henry Cavill was born when Billie Lourd (aka Carrie Fisher’s daughter) and Taylor Lautner (aka the twink alpaca from Twatlight) touched mouths in front of everyone. Those of us who watch the second season of Scream Queens know that Billie and Taylor are on that shit together. E! News says that Billie and Taylor partied at The Nice Guy last night with their co-stars, Abigail Breslin and Keke Palmer. Some eyewitness gave E! all the details of what they saw and this mess reads like it was ripped straight out of the script that Billie and Taylor were given before delivering this organic scene of love.
“He was sitting really close to Billie, whispering in each other’s ears twice and kiss. They’ve been staring in each other’s eyes and she’s been stroking his chest because his shirt is unbuttoned.”
Keke Palmer (born name: Lauren Keyana Palmer) Snapchatted TayLourd’s act of pure love, and if you put your ear to the screen and listen real closely, you can almost hear the sound of a director whisper-screaming at them to do it like they mean it this time.
I would say that Ryan Murphy better slide a little bonus to Billie, Taylor and Keke for doing what they gotta do for some quick PR, but only gay bloggers like me care about who Taylor Lautner is dating and I don’t think that’s enough to boost ratings. Ugh, I hate it when my brain actually burps out a reasonable thought.
And here’s Taylor and Beardie Lourd sashaying off to the set of Scream Queens in L.A. on Saturday.
Another Fixer Upper scandal was born the other day when Buzzfeed’s Kate Aurthur wrote a piece about how the show’s stars, Chip and Joanna Gaines, belong to an evangelical megachurch that is 100% against same-sex marriage. I would’ve been surprised if the evangelical megachurch they belong to wasn’t against same-sex marriage. There’s been many gay and lesbian couples on other HGTV shows, but none have been on Fixer Upper. So Kate wondered if Chip and Joanna co-sign their church’s beliefs. A gay Christian writer called Buzzfeed’s article a “hit piece” in an op-ed for The Washington Post and others called it a “witch hunt” and a non-story.
HGTV said in a statement that they don’t discriminate against LGBT couples on any of their shows. And the pastor of Chip and Joanna’s church, Antioch Community Church, claims that they don’t hate the LGBT community and they’re “open” to showing support. Meanwhile, this drama has caused Chip and Joanna’s HGTV arch rivals (in my head) and alleged scammers, Tarek and Christina El Moussa of Flip or Flop, to cackle loudly before fighting over whether the wood floors in their newest flip should be grey or grey.