Two months ago, I’d make a joke that St. Angie Jolie is using her holy finger to point at Brad Pitt and say, “Ha, I’m with stupid.” But now, she’s using her holy finger to point at him and say, “Yeah, I’m still with stupid, but he’s stupid AND nice now.”
Up until early January, Brad and Angie were shanking at each other and trying to drag each other’s pristine reputations through a puddle of diarrhea. One was accusing the other of fucking up their children by making their custody battle so public. The other was accusing the other one of not wanting the public to learn the terrifying truth! They finally decided to take their ugliness behind closed doors. And now, sources are telling both People and E! News that Brad and Angie have gone from communicating through slam pieces on TMZ to actually talking to each other directly.
As Professor Dame St. Angie Jolie graced the brains of the peons with her knowledge at the London School of Economics, and her holy hard nipples graced the eyes of the Archbishop of Canterbury during a meeting, a sad Brad Pitt was making sad art while listening to sad songs. Future art historians will look to this period in time as the rich douche renaissance led by the masters James Franco, Shia LaBeouf and Brad Pitt!
That video of Prince William dancing whatever is left of his hair off at a club in the Swiss town of Verbier took me higher, but Duchess Kate apparently doesn’t love it and thinks it is very uncouth of him to act like that. Prince William totally has to sleep on the couch now, or he’ll sleep in one of the many lavish bedrooms in one of the many lavish estates his family owns. Either or.
Selena Gomez landed her very first American Vogue cover and she looks like a pin-up model trying to make the best out of a busted hair dryer situation. Anna Wintour might have looked at that cover and thought, “Eh, it’s fine. We’ll do something more glamorous next time” before stamping approved. But there might not be a next time. At least if Selena Gomez had her way.
Hollywood did an English-language remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo in 2011, because they knew that us Americans are way too lazy to read subtitles while watching the Swedish version. Besides, how can I troll Grindr and answer e-mails in the movie theater when I have to read subtitles?! David Fincher directed the American version and Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig took over for Noomi Rapace (as Lisbeth Salander) and Michael Nyqvist (as the journalist dude). It cost $90 million to make and made around $233 million worldwide.
David Fincher planned to get everyone back together to do an American version of The Girl Who Played With Fire, the second book in Stieg Larsson’s series, but that obviously never happened. Deadline says that Sony is now making plans to do an American movie version of The Girl In The Spider’s Web, the fourth book in the series, but David, Rooney and Daniel will not be involved at all. I know, if it’s not going to have any Daniel Craig nips in it, why bother?
ScarJo and French popcorn dude may be at the beginning of an ugly custody fight. Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are in the middle of an ugly custody fight. And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have taken their ugly custody fight behind closed doors. So since 2017 is the year of ugly custody fights, the Kartrashians are trying to get a piece of that “trend.” People says that Blac Chyna is planning to fight Rob Kartrashian for full custody of their 3-month-old daughter Dream Renee. They both obviously really care about the welfare of their child, and by that I mean they care about the welfare of their bank accounts and fame. It seems like no one really cares about the Kartrashians anymore, so Pimp Mama Kris has gotta do something to get back on top of the fame whore ladder. It’s either a messy custody battle, or sacrifice one of their own so that Lucifer can extend their relevancy. “Why is everyone looking at me?” – Scott