Kirk Cameron Gives You Ladies A Really Good Reason For Why It’s Probably Not Fun Being Married To Kirk Cameron
In case you needed to be reminded that Kirk Cameron is a hardcore evangelical who considers the Bible his handbook on life (which is why he makes the sign of the cross at any poly-blend shirt he comes across and considers Moe Howard the closest thing we had to Satan), I am here to remind you that Kirk Cameron is a hardcore evangelical who considers the Bible his handbook on life!
Earlier this month, I posted a rumor that Leonardo DiCatchAHo was getting on a 19ish-year-old model. But we all threw that rumor onto the fake pile when we read the part about the model being brown-haired. A couple of months before that, I posted a rumor that Leonardo DiCatchAHo was getting on a blond TV host. But we all threw that rumor onto the fake pile too when we read the part about the TV host being 30 years old. Well, a rumor about another piece has popped up and DiCatchAHo doesn’t have to worry about getting his lawyers to sue a bitch for defaming his good reputation with stories about how he dates brown-haired olds. Because this one is 24, blond and a model. Phew!
Roxy Horner’s name popped up back in February as being a member of DiCatchAHo’s rotating harem of blond models and it’s popped up again. People says that on Sunday, DiCatchAHo and his bro-in-waiting Lukas Haas had a double date with Roxy Horner (I guess her parents really wanted her to be a porn star) and some other blonde at Serendipity 3 in NYC. One source said that it was really just dinner with friends, and a different source (Hi, Roxy’s agency!) said that they were canooooodling:
“They came in very low-key, all wearing baseball caps,” a source tells PEOPLE.
“She was very attached to Leo,” adds the source. “She was definitely with him, she was holding on to his arm. They were affectionate.”
I love how People is saying it was a double date. Please, DiCatchAHo was on a date with two blondes and Lukas Haas was just there as the Gary to his Selina Meyer. You know, Lukas holds onto Leo’s vape pen, laughs at all of his jokes and whenever he forgets the name of Whatshername on his left or Whatshername on his right, Lukas mouths her name to him. And at this point, whenever an agency signs a new skinny blond model who is under the age of 25, they should give her Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s bio, copies of his movies and bug spray for when the gnats on his beard jump onto their crotch.
(Side note: Becky #1 will forever have the better hair. Becky #2 wishes she had 80s mom hair.)
Three seconds after master troller Beyonce sang out a blind item in the form of the lyric “Becky with the good hair” from the future Emmy winner Lemonade, everyone and their hairstylist started spitting out guesses and a million memes were born. First, Rachel Roy (not Rachael Ray) seemed to out herself as BWTGH, and then Rita Ora decided to scratch at her attention spot by trying to get everyone to think she’s BWTGH. After they both got the attention they wanted, they denied being BWTGH. A source tells Page Six that Jay Z’s dick has been on more side tricks with good hair than Pantene has and the “BWTGH” in Beyonce’s song Sorry is a composite of all of them. But wait! Beyonce’s daddy (the same daddy who gets calls out in Lemonade and has dipped his untrue peen in plenty of BWTGHs, probably) is here to open up your mind and jerk some wisdom into it.
Today, Rachel Roy burped up a statement to People where she denied being the “Becky with the good hair” that Beyonce sang about on Lemonade, and she also shit on the rumors that Jay-Z’s roving peen made its way into her bull dozer vagina. So, now that Rachel Roy is done getting attention for that dumb “Becky with the good hair” crap, it’s some other trick’s turn to use that lyric to get people to look at her. Enter the High Priestess of Trying It: Rita Ora!
“Who gives a ladybug’s remarkable anus, Prince is dead!” is pretty much going to be everyone’s response to a non-Prince post for the next week. Understandably.
But when we all found out that this planet is a zillion times less sexy, glamorous and talented, Time should’ve quickly yanked down all the covers for their new issue and replaced it with just a picture of Prince smoldering. But they haven’t done that yet. I guess they just have to show us that People isn’t the only magazine who can release a useless list that means nothing this week! Time put out their annual “100 People Whose Publicist Influenced Us To Put Their Asses On This List With Promises Of Going To Our Events And Shit” list.
Several of the names on the list will make you wonder if Time has ever looked up the definition of “influential.” The list includes Nicki Minaj, Karlie Kloss, Donald Trump, Charlize Theron, Caitlyn Jenner, PewDiePie, Leonardo DiCatchAHo and Ariana Grande Latte, who I guess influences people to commit heinous fucking crimes like spitting on donuts! Other people on the list include: a bunch of smarties I don’t know (but not Amal Clooney), Tim Cook, the Zuckerbergs, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Usain Bolt, Putin, President Obama, Cookie Lyon, Idris Elba and Oscar Isaac. You can see the full list here, if you’re into that.
For the issue, many of the people on the list were interviewed by another famous type. So basically, it’s just a bunch of famous people tongue boning each other in the ass. You know, I would be all for that if Idris Elba and Oscar Isaac interviewed each other and literally did the whole “licking each other’s asses” thing while livestreaming…
“Sorry Islam, looks like she’s your problem now” said the Catholic church, Kabbalah, Buddhism, and any other religions Lindsay Lohan has dabbled in.
Last year, LiLo was seen carrying a copy of the Koran, aka the holy book of the Islamic religion. Nobody knew where it came from (one of her Middle Eastern “friends“) or what she was going to do with it (scrape all the ink off the front with a dull knife and mail it to Cash4Gold). But since she was also Instagramming incorrectly translated English-to-Arabic banalities around the same time, the most logical conclusion was that she was converting.
Well, she recently spoke to The Sun and it turns out that yes, she’s trying to do the Muslim thing now. Lindsay was raised Catholic, but has since dipped her freckled toe into a variety of religious ponds. And right now, it’s Islam’s turn to hide the good silverware.
“I’m a very spiritual person and I’m really open to learning. We all believe in something and at the end of the day it all ties to a god or a spiritual adviser. We all have a similar belief in whatever it may be personally.”
Lindsay may be open to learning, but it sounds like she can’t seem to find the time to open that Koran she was papped with.
“I’m not done reading it. Do you know how long that would take? It takes so long.”
Since I’m still working on a copy of Charlotte’s Web from the 3rd grade (Wilbur and Charlotte live happily ever after, right?), I’m in no position to judge how long it takes anyone to read anything. But a year seems like a long time for something you’re supposedly super into, right? I’m sure if it was a copy of How To Bag A Rich Russian Husband, she would have been finished in under 10 minutes.
But if I were Islam, I wouldn’t be making a space for LiLo’s picture between Janet Jackson and Dr. Oz on the Celebrity Muslim Wall. Once she discovers how difficult it is to Photoshop your waist while wearing a burqa, she’ll be gone.
Here’s Islam’s newest aspiring convert in New York a few days ago with Ali Lohan and her fiancé Egor Tarabasov.
Despite repeatedly bringing it up on Twitter, and talking about it on Ellen and talking to the press, and making a joke about cutting off his dick during an interview with a Florida radio station, Iggy Azalea does NOT want to talk about the current state of her relationship with Nick Young. I don’t know where people got the idea that she wanted to discuss that messy cheating situation, but apparently she doesn’t.
Iggy recently took to Twitter to let everyone know that Iggy Azalea is a very private person (which is why she chose an intimate close-friends-only platform like Twitter) and requested that we stop asking her about her relationship. Iggy began by retweeting a joke about how that troublemaking bitch The Media manufactured a lukewarm scandal after she was recently seen not wearing her engagement ring. She then said that she’s still with Nick and wants everyone to leave her personal life alooooooone.
For the record, i havent broken up with Nick. We are together and i would love to be given a little (a lot) of privacy on the matter.
— IGGY AZALEA (@IGGYAZALEA) April 19, 2016
I always answer questions honestly. But my job is to promote my music, not my relationship. Id love to be interviewed about the former only.
— IGGY AZALEA (@IGGYAZALEA) April 19, 2016
You hear that, The Media? Stop asking Iggy about Nick Young! “If only there was a person in Iggy’s entourage who could screen interview questions ahead of time to make sure she was only asked her about her music….” thought Iggy’s publicist.
Personally, I’m with Iggy on this one. I would love it if all questions pertained to Iggy’s career as a rapper. Maybe that way we’ll finally get the answer to the burning question: “Exactly what words were you attempting to speak in this video?” I think we’re all curious to know what the answer to that is.
Seen above looking like she’s about to tag into an exhibition match during an indie wrestling show held in a bar basement in Bay City, Michigan, RiRi pulled a Kesha last night by making a surprise appearance in the middle of a DJ’s set at the annual Excuse To Roll Your Brains Out While Wearing Crystals From Michael’s On Your Face event.
Press Play On An iPod Ken (aka Calvin Harris) was one of the headliners at Coachella last night and during his set, RiRi popped up to sing along with a track of their song We Found Love. Calvin’s partner in Instagram cheesiness Taylor Swift was at Cokehella (copyright: the Dlisted reader who called it that last year) most of the weekend, but People says she pressed pause on the coochie cutters foolery on Saturday afternoon to take her private jet to San Antonio, Texas for her back-up singer’s wedding. Taylor flew back to California from Texas on the same day to catch Aileen Wuornos look-alike Axl Rose perform on a throne of guitar necks with Guns N’ Roses. And last night, Tay Tay and her squad were in the audience for her Easy Bake Oven sous-chef’s set.
Reality shit show trick/crap-tasting booze mogul and Emperor Kuzco’s rival Bethenny Frankel was a speaker at a women’s entrepreneurial summit over the weekend, and guess what? She offended people! No, she didn’t offend people by serving them that piss-flavored mouthwash Skinny Girl. She offended them with the words that dribbled out of her mouth.
If I had to guess what 15-year-old daughter of famous people/possible alien Willow Smith wanted to be when she grew up, I’d say either Scientology’s official cultural attaché to the Galactic Confederacy or Professional Eccentric Person. You know, like the kind who wakes up at 11am in a pair of custom-made haute couture Moon Shoes, workshops a few philosophical nonsense tweets with her brother Jaden Smith till 3pm, then spends the rest of the evening on a bean bag in the outdoor umbrella tent from Spice World staring at a glow stick and writing a song about a cosmic dolphin.