Lady Gaga’s out there pimping her new album Joanne, which came out today, so you know what that means? It’s time for round 499 of the Gaga v. Madge bitch battle!
During a radio talk with Zane Lowe on Apple Music Beats 1 (via HuffPo), Lady Gaga’s absolute favorite subject, her being the Maxie to Madonna’s Barbie, came up and bitch didn’t like it all. Gaga looked so strained that I thought her new face was going to pop right off, fly across the table and hit Zane like a rubber pancake hitting the wall.
Shortly after try-hard king Shia LaBeouf’s Las Vegas wedding to his eyebrow-deficient queen Mia Goth was livestreamed on TMZ, it was revealed that they didn’t legally get married and it might have been a performance art piece. The clerk’s office in Clark County, Nevada couldn’t seem to find a marriage license for the LaGoths and called their ceremony a “commitment ceremony.” Shia clearly wanted to set the record straight about what happened in Las Vegas last week. Shia showed up on today’s episode of Ellen, because Ellen is Shia’s favorite place to go when he wants to explain the shit he’s done.
Shia told Ellen DeGeneres that the plan was for him and Mia to get married in private at the Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel. He claims he and Mia were offered a livestream as part of their wedding package, but they declined it. Shia says he got a call later telling them that someone “pressed the wrong button” and sent a livestream of their wedding to TMZ. Sure they did, Shia.
Shia wasn’t that upset that strangers got to see his ~so cool~ wedding ceremony to his hipster Blythe doll wife. He says they’re proud of it because “it’s love.” Shia is also glad their wedding video was released because their mothers were there, but their dads couldn’t make it.
As for whether or not their marriage is a legal one, Shia didn’t say. Which means that in a couple of months, I have a feeling I’m going to open the internet one morning and read: “Shia LaBeouf and Mia Goth split but not divorced because come on, like that marriage was even real.” Listen to me. Months? How generous.
As expected, Billy Bush has tapped into the ring with NBC and is holding the Peacock down while trying to punch as many dollars out of that bitch as possible. Billy has reportedly been fired by NBC and the two sides are currently negotiating his exit from Today before they make any announcements. And part of that “negotiating” involves using the media to spit at each other. Page Six reports that Billy has hired a high-powered Grossman to help him fight NBC and no the gross man is not Donald Trump. Billy has hired Los Angeles lawyer Marshall Grossman to help him in his battle against NBC. Marshall has already gotten to work and shanked at NBC by saying that if Billy didn’t play along with Trump, he’d be grabbing pussies… at PetCo while working as a part-time cat groomer. Because NBC would’ve fired him.
But before we get to that James Bond shit, let’s thank Daniel Craig for saving us from making an “Errr, bitch, what did you do?” face about that bleach job by making that face in the picture above. That Billy Idol shade makes him look like Jean Paul Gaultier on steroids, and yes, I still would.
Daniel Craig once melodramatically said in an interview that he’d rather slash his wrists than play James Bond again. But I guess Sony reportedly throwing $150 million at him has caused him to push away the razor. Because at the New York Film Festival on Friday night, Vulture said that Daniel backpedaled on his “I’d rather bleed out to death than get paid zillions of dollars to play Bond” comments.
Yesterday, we all learned that 56-year-old Sean Penn is currently rubbing his chili-dusted poke chop body on Leila George, the 24-year-old daughter of Vincent D’Onofrio and Greta Schachi. Pictures came out of them touching mouths in Hawaii. And last night, Sean and Leila posed together at a LACMA event in L.A. At least, I think that’s Leila George. That totally natural ginger hair is throwing me off. Is it Ariel the Former Mermaid? Is it Angie Everhart? Is it Debra Messing? Or possibly, that IS Leila in a masterful disguise, which she wore because we all know that she’s getting on that sun-broiled daddy dick and she’s too embarrassed to show her true identity in public. You almost fooled us, Leila!
Kunty Karl can’t physically cry, but if he could, he wouldn’t shed one tear about Kim Kardashian reportedly getting robbed at gunpoint by jewel thieves. Karl basically told reporters after his Chanel show that when you drink Don Pérignon around Three Buck Chuck drinkers, you shouldn’t be surprised when one of them snatches your crystal champagne flute out of your hand. A spokesperson for the Paris police department also hit our eyeballs with a giant DUX (that’s French for “duh,” I checked) by saying that Kim was targeted by alleged thieves because she’s famous, rich and flashed her diamonds all over social media. Pimp Mama Kris, I mean, a family source, tells People that Kim isn’t blaming her pimp mom for choosing that one night to not have cameras on her. Kim is blaming herself.