Roland Emmerich’s movie about the Stonewall riots was an extra chunky skid mark in the eyes of most critics and it was a total flop at the box office. One of that shit show’s biggest criticism was that it was like the 1969 Stonewall riots as seen through the eyes of an Abercrombie & Fitch marketing executive. The movie focused on a pretty-faced young white boy and pushed the black and Latino activists into the background. Someone even started a petition to boycott that mess. It got almost 25,000 signatures. Director Roland Emmerich defended his Stonewall movie then, and he’s still defending the hell out of it.
Here I was thinking that FoxHol (or is it JamKat? HoJam?) was just a fake thing that the tabloids created and pulled out whenever shit got really, really slow. Kind of like the zillion stories about the non-existent babies growing in Jennifer Aniston’s body. But Jamie Foxx’s friend Claudia Jordan (seen above looking a Miss Kitty mess while standing next to him at an awards show last year) claims that he has really dicked all of the remaining Thetans out of Katie Holmes and they’re really happy together. Well, if an ex-Deal or No Deal trick turned fallen Real Housewife of Atlanta said it, it must be completely and totally true!
Comedian Doug Stanhope was one of the first of Johnny Depp’s friends to defend him and bitch went hard. In a piece that was posted on The Wrap, Doug painted Johnny as a po’ lil’ defenseless smegma ball of a victim whose succubus wife vowed to ruin him the same way he ruined his pretty if he didn’t give her everything she wanted in their divorce settlement. Doug cried that Johnny is not a lady beater and he just knew that things with Amber Heard weren’t going to end well. Doug didn’t really see Amber’s alleged manipulative ways with his own eyes. He just went with what Johnny told him.
Doug’s Defense Of A Millionaire Hobo essay led to Amber Heard suing his ass for defamation. Amber said in her lawsuit that Doug wrongly accused her of blackmailing Johnny and she said that any money she wins from the lawsuit will be donated to a battered women’s shelter in Arizona. Doug isn’t letting that defamation lawsuit keep him from opening his mouth flaps about this train wreck of a situation. Doug was on The Howard Stern Show (via People) yesterday and when Howard asked about the lawsuit, he didn’t say the words I say whenever my mom judgmentally asks me how many drinks I’ve had that week so far. Doug didn’t say,“I plead the fifth!”
On the left is NeNe Leakes of The Real HouseWrecks of Atlanta working nose job #1 (and an exquisite pair of brown cholita brows) at the GLAAD Media Awards in April. On the right is NeNe working nose job #2 on Watch What Happens Live last night.
While on WWHL last night, a caller asked NeNe if she got her nose chopped, screwed, rotated and pinched again. Anybody who has the ability to see knows the answer to that question, but NeNe answered it anyway and confirmed that a plastic surgeon’s scalpel has touched her nose for a second time. But this time around, NeNe had to do it and not because her Real Housewives contract states that she must stay as plastic looking as possible at all times. NeNe says she did it for medical reasons.
Today is a day that is happening, which means there’s another famous trick going on about how they keep their body grasshopper dick skinny and stay healthy by eating a steady diet of distilled water and almond-scented air sandwiches. Kate Bosworth admits that her regular every day diet is almost as bland as she is, but she does allow her taste buds to tingle over a touch of deliciousness. Kate says that the one indulgence you will never be able to pry out of her claws is a bottle of ketchup. That’s a lot different than the daily indulgence you will never be able to pry out of my claws: a Hershey bar and weed-infused Nutella sandwich. Did I say indulgence? I meant necessity.
At the launch of a topical acne ointment, Kate talked to Self magazine about what she puts in her mouth on a daily basis, and she said that she’s on a wheat-free, sugar-free and mostly-dairy-free meal plan. She still drinks the leche of goats. Kate’s secret to making her food delicious is ketchup. If eating tons of ketchup red-ifies your caca, then the inside of Kate’s toilet must look like an episode of Game of Thrones, because she puts it on everything! The Ketchup Song is her life anthem.
But of course, the 33-year-old actress has that one thing she could never cut out. “Ketchup is the indulgence that I never give up. Ketchup on everything,” she said.
Bosworth knows that although this diet is delicious, it’s a bit strict. And she revealed that she only eats this way 80 percent of the time. When she goes to Montana to spend time with her husband Michael Polish, it’s a totally different story. She’s drinking whiskey, chowing down on burgers, and cooking ragu in between riding horses and swimming.
Maybe Kate is really on to something. If I put ketchup on all of my food, my daily calorie intake would go from like 3,000 calories to 3 calories a day. But I wonder, Kate says she puts ketchup on everything, but does she really put it on everything? If so, then Kate and her husband’s friends now know why their crotches always reek of tomato bisque.
Here’s the ketchup-head at the launch of that topical acne ointment in NYC on June 3rd.
Pics: Getty, Wenn.com
Earlier I posted pieces from an interview that the 22-year-old out and proud star of The Real O’Neals did with Vulture, and I was about to start the stopwatch on my iPhone to see how long before ABC’s PR team and Bryan Singer’s lawyers got to him and made him spit out apologies. Not even a day.
On The Graham Norton Show last week, Kate Beckinsale briefly talked about what it’s like working with Michael Bay on Pearl Harbor. Kate said that she was told that if she got the role of a 1940s nurse she had to work out, and she pointed out that Michael Bay told reporters while pimping out the movie that he cast her in the role because she’s not so attractive that she’d alienate female movie goers. On a Michael Bay scale from ten tanks exploding in a row to ten tanks exploding in a row as chicks in bikinis wash Ferraris, that story was somewhere in the middle. It’s not the most Michael Bay story I’ve heard. It’s not like he asked Kate Beckinsale to shoot a scene where she ripped off her nurse’s uniform and while she used it to stop an injured patient’s wound from bleeding, the camera got a close-up of her ass in a white lace thong. Watch that scene be in the 20th anniversary DVD of Pearl Harbor.
The fun house mirror David Spade (and yes, I would) defended himself on his site by saying that yes, he asked Kate to work out, but he claims most actors filming an action movie need to work out. Michael Bay didn’t deny saying what he said about Kate to reporters, but he did say that they’re totally friends.
It’s been about two weeks since the definition of random found itself a new favorite couple in Jenny Slate and Chris Evans. Jenny supposedly pulled her vagine off of her husband of 4 years and dropped it on Captain America’s crotch torch. They met while working on a movie together last year and have been a thing since at least March. Well, have they decided to completely ruin their new relationship by making a greedy, needy human who will keep them up all night and spit up all over them? Page Six has reason to believe that they have!
On Saturday morning, Jenny tweeted that she had the barfs. Jenny is 34 years old and when a woman her age gets the sicks, it could mean only one of two things: Either she listened to Blake and Gwen’s duet, or she’s in the family way! Page Six thinks it may be the latter:
I woke up in the middle of the night all sweaty& then barfed for no reason. In conclusion: I'm 7?
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) May 21, 2016
Yes I was up all night throwing up but now I feel DOUBLE JOY for feeling better& walking through beautiful Brooklyn on a Saturday. Hiyeee!
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) May 21, 2016
Sure, you could say that Jenny just had the flu, or whatever, but she’s doing Captain America and I’m sure his dick leche has all kinds of minerals and vitamins in it. It’s probably like getting DP’d by a box of Emergen-C and a bottle of Centrum. You never get sick as long as you keep doing him. Jenny seemed to spit on the rumors of her being pregnant this morning by tweeting this:
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) May 23, 2016
I think that just means that she already had Baby America. The gestation period of a superhero fetus is really, really short and I’m sure she already had Cap’s baby and now they’re raising it in secret. I mean, secret babies are so now.
“Are you there God? It’s me, your greatest creation-shit, straight to voicemail again, yo!”
With help from a bunch of dancers wearing what looks like hospital gowns designed by Yeezy, Justin Bieber performed on the Billboard Music Awards, and he also won Top Male Artist. (“Top? Blehehehehe,” laughed Usher.) But even though Justin Bieber got a brand, new shiny award, he left the Billboard Music Awards feeling all empty inside. Today, the Biebs sharted up a “Dear Diary” entry on Instagram about award shows and it seems like he just realized 3 things that most of us have known forever:
- Award shows are pretty meaningless and are mainly just fluffy entertainment for those of us who need a reason to booze it up at home on a Sunday.
- Many tricks in the audience at an awards show are there because they’re a camera whore. (And because there’s an open bar involved, but mostly because they’re a camera whore.)
- Those of us who watch at home grade, judge and rate every performance.
The Biebs just figured this out and it has hit him hard. It’s as if he just found out that Santy Claus is not a real thing. (Note to The Biebs’ parents: Wait until next Christmas to tell him the truth about Santy. He’s already been through enough this year.) The Biebs “Deep Thoughts” message is after the cut, and he pasted it under a picture of the Rock of Cashel Castle, because again, he deep.
Hello Kitty’s human ambassador was on Watch What Happens Live last night, and she showed up late and made Andy Cohen switch chairs because she wanted the camera to get her good side, dahling. The diva had landed.
On WWHL last night, Mariah Carey didn’t have anything nice to say about her nemesis Nicki Minaj, she said that she and billionaire Shrek will sign a prenup before they get hitched and she got into the “I Don’t Know Her” meme that will never die and will long live forever. (Side note: I’m surprised the Bernie Bros. haven’t started an #IDontKnowHer campaign about Hillary Clinton.) When JLo was on WWHL in March, she made it sound like there’s zero drama between them. On last night’s episode, the shifty Siamese Cat once again asked the Diva’dley Lion if she knows “her” and no, Mimi still doesn’t know “her.”