The Red Carpet Of The MTV VMAs Was A Journey Through Space And Time

The year is 2019, and there’s a teddy bear in Naughty by Nature. It’s as confusing a notion as it is a sentence to read. But these are the times we are living in. Time to accept that what once was in the past, will be revisiting us in the present (with a collection of random pop culture barnacles from The Time Tube attached), to confuse future generations. So now NBN (pictured above with their new bear Illtown Sluggaz and Redman) has a Kanye West style College Dropout teddy bear in it, and Treach has gone from excoriating his ex-wife Pepa (of Salt-N-Pepa fame) on Instagram, to parading around in bondage gear and issuing confusing handkerchief codes at the 2019 MTV Video Music Awards. Hip hop hooray?

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Wyclef Jean Was Falsely Arrested By The LAPD This Morning

The New York Times says that Wyclef Jean, one third of The Fugees, was arrested and briefly detained at 1 this morning in West Hollywood. What did Wyclef do to get arrested? Well, apparently all he had to do was sort of fit the description of a robbery suspect.

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Good Morning, Here’s A Half-Naked Wyclef On A Ducati

If the one hundred percent truth trickled out of Wyclef Jean’s mouth and he told us that all donations to his Yele Haiti charity, go toward him buying more Speedos, body butter and Ducati bikes, I might open up my PayPal wallet to drop a quarter in (no, I wouldn’t), because then we’d get more priceless pictures of NAST like this one. The almost president of Haiti celebrated 43 years on Planet Earth by tweeting this messy portrait to his followers with the note:

TODAY I AM 43 YEARS OLD! I look And feel 26! U cant keep à good Man down! Keep à smile when they want you to frown!

Wyclef wants us to smile with our mouths, but yet he tweets a picture that’s making all three of my mouths frown? Okay. But seriously, this picture is making me want to drop a quarter into Yele Haiti’s donation cup (if it’s still open). Because obviously Wyclef only had enough money to oil up half of his body. The top of Wyclef is greasier than a power top’s dick at a butt orgy full of hungry bottoms, but his leg is as dry as my tongue when I look at this picture. We, as a people, can’t let this happen. For just 10 cents a day, you can keep ALL of Wyclef’s body oiled up.

(Thanks, Jon & Felicia) 

Wyclef Jean And Lil Wayne Should Talk

Lil Wayne took a break from overpopulating the planet with his spawn to talk about politics with Vibe Magazine (via MTV). Specifically, the womb-raiding goblin said that Republicans live in a Brady Bunch bubble and don’t want to work with black people to make shit better.

“You learn from what the right-wing is doing and you take something from it. I feel like as a people, the most that we can do is better ourselves and learn. Then look at yourself and ask, ‘Am I the person they’re talking about or am I not?’ You have to make the most of who you are because the Republicans are never going to like us.”

Meanwhile, Wyclef Jean took a break from overpopulating his personal checking account with cash from his charity to draw a heart around Sarah Palin’s name at Donna Karan’s party in NYC on Monday. Wyclef said this shit to WWD:

“I have to tell you this: I am a huge fan of Sarah Palin. Cause she’s rad. She’s shrewd. She’s cool. Because at the end of the day, I’m for the people, because this is the United States of America…this is what America’s really about. Anyone should have the right to say, ‘Look I can do the job and this is what qualifies me to do the job.’….Now my wife probably will debate and disagree with me.

I’m not saying she could be the next president, you know, but there’s something about her. Heavy debates in my house. Whenever I say Sarah Palin, people think I’m crazy, but I like her, I do. I can like whoever. This is America, right?”

Somebody please lock Lil Wayne, Wyclef and Sarah Palin in a room together with a Vh1 (or TLC who is quickly becoming the new Vh1) camera crew! But don’t put a line of coke, Glen Rice, fertile sluts and Sean Penn in that same room or it’ll turn into something none of us want to see. Or do we?

Sean Penn Is Not Sniffing On The Bad Shit

If you signed up for Team Penn in the ongoing bitch fight between Sean Penn and Wyclef Jean because you figured he serves better shit at his team meetings, then think again. Sean Penn has denied feeding his nostrils with Lohan dust while partaking in relief efforts in Haiti.

Sean’s spokeswhore issued the denial after Wyclef Jean accused him of not knowing shit about shit because he’s too busy snorting cocaine in Haiti. The accusation came flying out of Wyclef Jean’s mouth at a concert this past weekend, because he didn’t appreciate Sean criticizing his candidacy for the president of Haiti. These two bitches, I swear. Sean’s rep had this to say:

“Mr. Jean is clearly unfamiliar with the physical demands put upon volunteers in Haiti. As aid workers there, the notion of depleting the body’s immune system thru the use of illicit drugs is ludicrous. More specifically, J/P Haitian Relief Organization (a.k.a. JPHRO) has a ZERO tolerance policy for any and all illegal drugs. As the leader of this organization, Sean Penn has not only set this policy, but adheres to it. That Mr. Jean would make such a false accusation is reckless and saddening, but not surprising.”

Sean will fist a pap in the face if the dude’s lens gets too close, so I love how professional-like this statement is. Sean really wants to beat Clef with his coke spoon, but he’s sitting on his fists in this statement. I mean, “….the notion of depleting the body’s immune system thru the use of illicit drugs”. That is some shit Marie Lubbock from Just the Ten of Us would say to her sisters while watching them do lines off of a frat boy’s abs. Don’t threaten me with a good time, Sean!

But seriously, my guess is that both Sean and Clef aren’t sniffing that narcotic, because they are too busy brawling like two X-Factor contestants. How do they get anything done?

Wyclef Jean Calls Out Sean Penn For Calling Out Wyclef Jean

When Wyclef Jean announced that he was going to save Haiti by running for president over there, Sean Penn pushed the call girl crotch off of his mouth and spit all over that move. Sean, who has been active in relief efforts in Haiti, told Larry King that he didn’t know “very much about Wyclef Jean. I haven’t seen or heard anything of him in these last six months that I’ve been in Haiti.” Clef’s ex-groupmate and fellow Haitian Pras pretty much co-signed Sean Penn’s statement by backing up a different candidate for president. Well, Clef tried to burn both Sean and Pras at Hot 97’s “On Da Reggae Tip”concert in NYC.

While singing “If I Was President,” Clef changed up the lyrics and sang out:

“If I was president. I got a message for Sean Penn, maybe he ain’t see me in Haiti cuz he was too busy sniffing cocaine. I got a message for Praswell, even though you don’t want to support me, I got love for you. Even though you only kicked eight bars for the Fugees. If I was president.”

While I do love that Clef probably made Sean Penn choke on his line with this shit, bitch really needs to put the whining on mute and move on. Clef is still mad because he can’t run for the president of Haiti since he’s lived in New Jersey for the past 5 years instead of Port-au-Prince. Resident regulations killed his dreams!

Besides, how can Wyclef Jean be president of anything when he’s currently starring in a commercial for RITZ!?! You can’t take a politician seriously when they are dancing for RITZ! Cheez-Its yes, but not RITZ.