Category: WTF

Shit That Would Only Happen To Pete Doherty: He Got Cut Up By A Hedgehog Spike 

May 1, 2019 / Posted by:

Okay, that headline isn’t totally true. You probably felt like you got stabbed a dozen times with a hedgehog spike dipped in LSD while watching that CGI-ridden puddle of blue fuckery that was the Sonic The Hedgehog trailer. (That trailer has already taken friendships because I broke up with a friend who said that he’d totally fuck CGI Sonic. And no, that “friend” wasn’t one of the voices in my head. I think). But Pete Doherty says he got stabbed by an actual hedgehog.

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ANOTHER PLOT TWIST! All Criminal Charges Against Jussie Smollett Have Been Dropped (UPDATE)

March 26, 2019 / Posted by:

The entire production team at Empire needs to drop whatever they’re doing and start filming every piece of this Jussie Smollett situation, because it’s more riveting, ESCANDALOSO, dramatic, and has more plot twists than any  of their story arcs combined. Jussie was charged with several felonies for allegedly staging a hate crime in Chicago (with help from the Nigerian Right Said Fred), and those charges got him scrubbed from the rest of the season of Empire. I’m sure that Jussie was working on Empire: The Musical, which he was going to put on for the prison musical, but he can stop doing that for now, because all 16 charges against him have been dropped and his record has been wiped clean. Every prisoner who was making a Cookie wig out of shredded bed sheets and commissary-bought markers to audition for Jussie’s prison musical is going to be so disappointed.

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Liam Neeson Thought It’d Be A Great Idea To Admit He Once Wanted To Murder A Random Black Man In Revenge

February 4, 2019 / Posted by:

If you go out for a stroll today and spot someone furiously digging a hole, don’t worry, it’s just Liam Neeson’s publicist trying to dig to a place far, far away where there’s no cell phone reception and so their iPhone won’t blow up with calls asking about the stream of fuckery that came out of his mouth during an interview.

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A 22-Year-Old Former Disney Channel Star Is Working In The White House

March 28, 2018 / Posted by:

The hardest worker in the White House is the revolving door that keeps pumping out old employees and pulling in new ones. It never stops spinning! And it looks like it has pulled yet another new employee into the House. CNN says the latest employee is Caroline Sunshine, a 22-year-old former child star from the Disney Channel.

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Marky Mark May Have Made 1,500 Times More Than Michelle Williams For “All The Money In The World” Reshoots

January 10, 2018 / Posted by:

When All The Money In The World director Ridley Scott got scared that Kevin Spacey’s alleged boy molestin’ paws would infect his movie and ruin its chances of being seen outside of a NAMBLA Film Festival event honoring Kevin he recast the role of J. Paul Getty with Christopher Plummer. So because Christopher Plummer replaced Kevin Spacey six weeks before the movie’s release, Ridley had to do code red emergency reshoots. The movie’s actors, including Michelle Williams and Marky Mark, flew to Europe to redo the 22 scenes that Kevin was in. Ridley said in December that he did the reshoots for free, Michelle Williams did it for free and the rest of the cast did it for nothing too. The only ones who got paid were the crew. Well, just call him RidLIE Scott from now on, because he may have lied to all of our faces. That’s the worst thing Ridley’s done since The Counselor (and I say that as someone who loved it thanks to Cameron Diaz fucking a car).

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