Some things continue to shock me. Like the beauty of a sunset or the smell of Chinatown garbage in the summer. These are just wonders of the world I suppose. Much like Amber Rose and her ability to get money and stay in the public eye. She has a VH1 talk show coming out, which means she needs to step up the media game and get that “watch my show!” press. In her latest push, Amber gives us her thoughts on pop singer and noted lover (then hater) of men, Taylor Swift.
Last night, Khlozilla went on a painkiller-induced Sasquatch rampage on Twitter when she told people to get off dick after they gave her shit for staying with her boyfriend James Harden while still nursing and being married to Lamar Odom. But well, if you ask the most important woman in Hollywood and human orchid Paz De La Huerta about this, she’d tell you that little Twitter tussle should’ve never happened, because nobody should be following the Kartrashians.
On her Instagram yesterday, the greasy jewel delivered an important announcement to the world and to Kanye Kartrashian. There’s a war happening right now and we do not need to be distracted by that idiot trash Kim Kartrashian! Paz deleted her post (it still lives here), because she probably realized that in posting about Kim, she was giving Kim attention. Or she decided that she’ll save that speech for when she testifies at the anti-Kardashian hearings at the United Nations. Seriously, why aren’t Paz and Natasha from Top Model the co-leaders of the United Nations? #PazBeGandhiAndJesus.
And since no Paz post is complete without stunning pictures of her, here she is back in April looking like heaven in a trash bag.
Pics: Splash (Thanks Philip!)
The Church of Ho Shit’s answer to Suze Orman has been found! While many women are fighting for equality, stripper turned rapper’s piece turned ho shit mogul Amber Rose is telling women that they were born with a winning Lottery ticket between their legs so they may as well use it. Amber is still promoting the new ho shit holy bible “How To Be A Bad Bitch” and in an interview with Time, she shares some of her tips on how ladies can achieve their financial goals. The
Champagne Andre Room at the Nuts On Buns (or wherever the hell she worked) strip club in Philadelphia was her Harvard Business School and it was there where she learned how to get men to throw as many sticky bills at her oiled-up nalgas as possible.
The Church of Grace Jones held another sermon with The New York Times and although it didn’t lift my soul to the heavens the way that excerpt from her memoirs did, it still did me right. While lounging in a robe with a mimosa in her hand, the forever legendary Grace Jones pimped out her memoirs “I’ll Never Write My Memoirs” during an interview with The New York Times and she continued to let the music hos of today know that she sees them copying her and is going to do something about it if she sees them out. Grace tells the Times that Kanye West copied something she did in the past and used it in a video. Grace didn’t say what video, but she did say these simple fightin’ words:
“When I see him, honestly, I’m going to get in his face.”
Okay, so now all we have to do is find a way to get Grace Jones and Kanye West into a room together and we have to make sure that there’s plenty of seats for us all. Oh, and we definitely need a popcorn machine and plastic ponchos to protect our clothes from the bits of Kanye that will fly all over the room when she destroys him with her bare hands. And I’m sure Kanye will fight back by saying that Grace Jones used that funny-looking helmet to time travel to the future where she watched his video before time-traveling back to the past where she used his ideas for one of her projects. So Kanye West didn’t copy Grace Jones, Grace Jones copied Kanye West!!!
UPDATE: Shirley said on Facebook that she wasn’t talking about Kanye West, but was talking about some non-famous “industry insider.” So Shirley decided to blast some no namer on Facebook and not name names while doing so. Shirley IS your passive-aggressive cousin.
Kanye West doesn’t know what that smashed paper bag lunch, wood and Lucite trophy is for, but he still wishes he could take a time machine back to that moment and snatch that award out of Shirley Manson’s hands so that he can give it to a true artist like Beyonce.
Last month, the Internet stood and slow clapped for Shirley Manson after she tore a new one into Kanye West (Calm down and pull your chonies back up, Riccardo Tisci, I didn’t mean that literally) for spitting out some nonsensical shit about artistry and for saying that the Best Album of the Year Grammy should’ve went to Beyonce instead of Beck. Well, I guess Kanye clapped back at Shirley in an email he sent to her privately, because she has Crisco’d up her face, put on all her rings and dragged him again on Facebook. Shirley could’ve responded to the private email with a private email, but that wouldn’t be fun and she wouldn’t get any attention from it. So she wrote this mystery trick an open letter on Facebook.
Sorry Essence, but Charlie Murphy already told us what really happens at the after-party (basketball and pancakes).
There’s a dumpster behind a Kingdom Hall somewhere that’s filled with a lifetime’s worth of fucks, shits, bitches, and assholes, because Prince has solemnly sworn that his mouth will never again whisper another sexy-sounding curse word and he’s given up swearing for good. In an interview with Essence (via People), Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness talks about how he’s sort of turning into Jehovah’s Original Recipe Witness by erasing curse words from his vocabulary:
“Did you ever hear Muhammad Ali curse? Would you curse in front of your kids? To your mother? Marsha [Ambrosius], Lianne [La Havas], Janelle [Monae] … They’re all my sisters. We shouldn’t curse at them. We need to treat all of them, and all people, like royalty.”
As someone who’s in a committed, long-term relationship with the word fuck, I don’t really understand how Prince could file divorce papers on some of the sweetest, most useful words in the English language. What is life if you can’t randomly call someone a “shit for brains”, or hissing a barely-audible “biiiiiitch” every time you get passive-aggresisve shade from a workplace troll? Then again, Prince is good with words (spelling “you” as “u”? What a time saver) so even though he’s pink slipped all the no-no words in his life, he’s probably already thought of a whole list of devastating insults to replace them. What am I saying? Prince doesn’t need words; he can shut a bitch down with his eyes.