In April, Javier Bardem admitted during an interview that he had doubts about Dylan Farrow’s allegations against Woody Allen. Javier added that the only way he’d stop working with Woody is if there was evidence proving that Woody is a creep of the highest order. Javier worked with Woody on Vicky Cristina Barcelona, a movie in which his wife Penelope Cruz ended up winning a Best Supporting Actress Oscar. So clearly Woody has some kind of special, weird place in his heart. A heart that probably has received many messages from the brain asking, “Are you sure you want to keep that creep Woody around?”
Bigfoot, the Roswell UFO landing, the Bermuda Triangle, and who Ronan Farrow’s biological father is continue to be the most unsolved mysteries of our time. If you ask Woody Allen, he’ll tell you he’s Ronan’s father. However, if you were to also ask Woody to put some money down and bet on it, he’ll be pretty hesitant to call a bookie.
Things must be pretty precarious over on #teamwoody because they’ve finally decided to pull out the big gun, and have Woody Allen’s wife Soon-Yi Previn speak out in his defense. In an exhausting and disturbing interview for Vulture, Soon-Yi breaks her silence and dishes about life with The Evil Mia Farrow and how she and Woody The Saint became lovers. It would really be easier if, as a species, we evolved so that our front eyes, over generations, gradually shifted to the side of our faces, so at times like these, we could avoid the serious repercussions of neck and eye strain.
Yesterday we learned that 2019 would be the first year in several decades in which Woody Allen won’t be releasing a film. According to Page Six, that honor might go to 2018 instead. His latest for Amazon, A Rainy Day in New York, was shot last September and October in New York on a budget of $25 million, and was reportedly scheduled for release later this year. No official date was set, it was more just a ballpark estimate depending on when Amazon Studios decided it should come out. Page Six seems to think that A Rainy Day will never see the light of day. They claim the movie has been “shelved” indefinitely.
When asked for comment, Amazon said: “No release date has ever been set for the film.”
It probably wouldn’t be too big of a shock if Amazon shelved it completely. Audiences might not want to watch Jude Law have sex with what he thinks is a 15-year-old girl. Or possibly the bigger elephant in the room, Woody himself. A few months after filming wrapped and #MeToo broke, several actors who have worked with Woody spoke out and vowed never to work again with the alleged creep. A Rainy Day stars Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Hall, and Griffin Newman all donated their salaries to charity.
But maybe there’s nothing up, and Amazon just hasn’t picked a date. Or maybe Amazon has shelved it for the time being while they work with their marketing department and decide what kind of tagline should be on the poster for A Rainy Day in New York. Because “Even the actors in this film don’t want to be associated with this downpour of cringe” feels just a tad long.
“That’s fine,” said everyone who has taken a break from going to see Woody Allen’s latest movies.
Woody Allen has made at least one film every year since 1977, but 2019 will be the year of no Woody Allen movies. That’s weird – did I just hear everyone’s shoulders shrug at the same time?
82-year-old Woody wrapped filming on A Rainy Day in New York in November, and will be released by Amazon sometime before the end of this year. Page Six says he’s not getting to work on anything right away and it isn’t because he’s tired of repeatedly denying the gross allegations against him during press tours. Sources tell Page Six it’s because he might have trouble getting financing.
Amazon has been funding Woody’s movies, starting with Café Society in 2016, then the series Crisis in Six Scenes, Wonder Wheel, and A Rainy Day in New York. Café Society did alright financially, but Wonder Wheel didn’t. It only made $15.4 million in sales, compared to its budget of $25 million. A Rainy Day in New York also had a budget of $25 million, and the press tour is bound to be a mess.
Both Rebecca Hall and Timothée Chalamet donated their salaries from A Rainy Day to charity, with Rebecca stating she wouldn’t work with Woody again. Selena Gomez reportedly donated “significantly more” than what she made from A Rainy Day to the Time’s Up fund. This was all after Dylan Farrow reminded everyone about the allegations against her father, and wondered why he had some kind of cloak of protection against him from the #MeToo movement.
There’s three more films left in Amazon’s deal with Woody, but if A Rainy Day loses money, they could buy him out of their contract. Woody’s IMDb page shows he’s got an untitled project in the works for 2020, although sources say that might not happen.
Sources say Allen has yet to secure financing for the project. “Woody loves working. He never takes a vacation. But he will be taking time off this year until he can find a backer,” said one source.
Another source says that this is nothing new, and that Woody has had trouble finding financial backers for years now. He might also have trouble finding actors to appear in his next film. A Hollywood producer told Page Six that a Woody Allen film on their resume used to be prestigious, but ever since #MeToo happened, Woody “is toxic.”
Of course, a spokesperson for Woody says that “none of this is true.” We’ll see about that. It will be impossible to hide the truth if his next film stars only Alec Baldwin, Diane Keaton, and Scarlett Johansson, is shot on an iPhone, and every scene suspiciously appears to take place in Woody’s living room.
That’s one strategy! Get people to temporarily forget the child-raping allegations against you by making them laugh their brain parts out of their ears by saying that you, Woody Allen, have such a clean record of not molesting actresses that you should be the face of the #MeToo movement. The only movement Woody should be the face of is a bowel movement, but I digress….
When the gates of #MeToo opened and out came the zillions of stories about powerful Hollywood creepers terrorizing women and men, the allegations by Dylan Farrow against Woody came back up. Dylan wondered why Hollywood hadn’t turn their backs on the dehydrated turtle turd she claims abused her when she was a child. Woody stamped LIES on those allegations again. Actors who worked with Woody started taking sides. Colin Firth spit at the idea of working with Woody again while Diane Keaton and Javier Bardem declared their support for him. Woody did an interview with Argentinean news show Periodismo Para Todos (via CNN), and not only did he shake his head no again at the allegations that he sexually abused his adopted daughter, he also mouth shat up a ten mile-long river of delusion by saying that he should be used as an example by the #MeToo movement of a director who hasn’t touched a woman wrong.