There are Hollywood types who would get the dry heaves and hiss “hard pass” if their agents were to suggest working on a project with Woody Allen. And then there are others, who are like “What repeat allegations of repulsive pedo behavior? Sign me up!” The list is shockingly long, and it’s got a couple new names to add to it.
The Hollywood Reporter says that Selena Gomez has signed on to Woody Allen’s next project for Amazon Studios. She joins a cast that also includes Elle Fanning and Timothée Chalamet (from Call Me by Your Name). Nothing else about the film is known, like if Woody Allen scrapped the usual contract and asked Selena to agree to the film by signing his favorite issue of V Magazine instead.
Woody’s latest movie with Amazon Studios, Wonder Wheel (aka the movie starring Justin Timberlake and Kate Winslet), is set to premiere at the New York Film Festival in October. This next film will probably get underway after all of that.
Selena has said recently she can’t wait to be not famous. She picked the wrong project if privacy is what she’s after. You don’t exactly fly under the radar when you sign on to work with Hollywood’s creepy uncle. But I’m sure her publicist has already prepared for it. Like asking Kristen Stewart’s publicist for tips on navigating those awkward conversations about choosing to work with Woody. And maybe her publicist can hire a gag-suppression coach to help Selena through the awkward part of the press tour where Woody inevitably grosses everyone out by admitting he cast her after watching her on his second favorite Disney Channel show, Wizards of Waverly Place.
During the same interview with Variety in which she hates on the name Supergirl, Miley Cyrus made it clear again that she’s on Team Woody Allen Is A Good Guy. Miley has said previously to Vanity Fair that she loved working with Ol’ Man Grossness on his Amazon show Crisis in Six Scenes because he was a great director and that she learned a lot from him. Now she’s telling Variety about the Woody behind the camera. Miley loved that Woody too, because they’re practically the same person. And she doesn’t give two beady-eyed high-waisted khaki shits if you’re side-eyeing her hard right now.
And she thinks Roman Polanski is AH-MAH-ZING. Limousine hippie Miley Cyrus is the star of Woody Allen’s upcoming series for Amazon, Crisis in Six Scenes. Vanity Fair caught up with the anti-red carpet activist at the show’s premiere in NYC on Thursday night. Presumably not on a red carpet. Perhaps it was taupe, or they stood on the tile. Nevertheless, Miley loves her some tiny daughter-marrier.
When Woody Allen was promoting Cafe Society at Cannes back in May, The Hollywood Reporter published an op-ed piece by his son Ronan Farrow in which he shat on Hollywood for celebrating and throwing money at the alleged pedo prune. Ronan brought up the allegations that were made by his sister Dylan Farrow and called out a few of the stars of Cafe Society, like Blake Lively and Kristen Stewart, for working with Woody. After it was published, Woody told Variety that he didn’t read it and sort of shrugged it off like it was a bad review. Fast forward to three months later, and Woody is talking about it again.
Justin Timberlake can say “bye, bye, bye” to being on the list of people that have not worked with a lil’ ol’ creeper. Joining the ranks of true thespians like Blake Lively and Kristen Stewart, JT has signed on for Woody Allen’s latest movie.
There’s no word on the title or plot of Woody’s newest feature. Casting is underway, and The Hollywood Reporter has a short list of the people just dying to spend intimate months with him. Kate Winslet signed on earlier in the summer, as well as Jim Belushi. Yes, According to Jim Jim Belushi. Justin has been cast in a supporting role. Joining him for second-tier billing is Juno Temple, the chick from Vinyl. Amazon, who is distributing Cafe Society and producing the TV show he’s doing with Miley Cyrus, is back on board and committed.
Even though I’m assuming that Kate will get the brunt of the questions ranging from “How can you work with Woody Allen?” to “What do you think about Woody Allen rape jokes?“, it’ll be fun to see how Justin responds to a similar line of questioning. That is, if he’s even allowed to answer. You know, since the last time he tried to put his two-cents in went so well.
This is the same movie that Woody claimed earlier this year that he wants to set in an amusement park. And since it’s a Woody Allen film, it’s most likely going to be more early 20th century costumes, some zippy lines, and a guy mumbling. I assume that means Justin has been hired to do a mix of his SNL “classics“, like singing costume mascot and Dick In A Box. What else could it be? Other than his extraordinary and not-creepy work in The Love Guru. Justin also has his natural hair working in his favor, which we know Woody likes; see Jesse Eisenberg, star of Cafe Society. Mark my words, this is gonna be about a down-on-his-luck singing mascot for a salon that specializes in perms. Yeah, that’s it.
Just the sight of Woody Allen’s beady little creeper eyes and general aura of grossness would probably be enough to make some people think “Yeah, I don’t know if I want to spend several months on a film set with that guy.” But some actors are able to ignore all that and line up to work with him like he’s the best sample station at Costco. And some take it one step further by gushing about how brilliant and amazing a person he is. Blake Lively is in the second group.
Blake’s public love of Woody started at Cannes while promoting their film Cafe Society. Blake defended her boo’s honor after a journalist reminded everyone of Woody Allen’s history of alleged perv by making a Roman Polanski joke during an interview. Now she’s swooning over Woody in Hamptons magazine. Blake poured herself a tall glass of grandma’s sweet tea and retired to her favorite antique wicker rocker on the front porch to reminisce about working with her dear ol’ friend Woody.
“It’s really cool to work with a director who’s done so much, because he knows exactly what he wants…He also is really encouraging as to why he cast you, so he’ll say, ‘Say the dialogue that’s written and then you can improvise for a while.’ And his dialogue is so specific, so it’s intimidating to think, Oh, let me just improvise there and hope that my words blend seamlessly alongside Woody Allen’s. Which they clearly wouldn’t and don’t. But he’s very empowering.”
I don’t mean to pull an Inigo Montoya, but I’m not sure Blake Lively knows what the word “empowering” means. So, Woody is empowering because he let her improvise? Maybe Blake thinks that’s empowering because all the directors she’s worked with before wouldn’t let her go off-script. Not because they were afraid she’d say something offensive, but rather because it would be too risky to let her say words that hadn’t been de-mumbled by her vocal coach first. “Sorry Blake, can we try that again? All I got was something about a motorcycle sandwich.”