There is a very messy feud happening at the moment between Amber Rose and her former mother-in-law, a woman named Katie “Peachie” Wimbush-Polk. But unlike regular people, Amber’s fight with Katie isn’t about what kind of fabric softener she uses (“I didn’t realize you used sandpaper instead of towels, dear“). It’s more like the kind that escalates to the point where both parties involved need to call up their lawyers.
Answer: Diddy gives a fuck, like a lot of fucks.
red beige and blue carpet posing portion of last night’s Met Gala, Diddy worked the cameras with his on-and-off-and-on-and-off-and-on-again piece Cassie, and at one point he lounged on the steps like a man casually lounging on a display at Forever 21 while his girlfriend gets in a long line to try on a pair of jeans. That little smooth move brought out a dozen “Diddy Don’t Give A Fuck” headlines. Au contraire, bitch. Diddy does give a fuck and that shameless spotlight-shifting whore knew what he was doing.
Cassie stood there in a field of humongous ass sea urchins, working for those camera clicks, as Diddly easily got the cameras to move his way by casually strolling to the stairs for a little lounging time. Cassie’s dress is covered with giant plastic caterpillars (or are those giant Groucho Marx brows?) and Diddy gets all the attention by simply lounging like an evil vampire lounging on a velvet settee while eyeing his prey from across the room. Diddy wants us to think he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about her,” but we all know he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about moi.”
With that being said, I’d probably do the same thing, because standing is hard. And also, that dramatic lying down pose really does show off Diddy’s “Steven Seagal spending a casual afternoon at home” outfit.
And now we end our never-ending Mess Gala 2017 coverage with several dollops of hotness provided by the dudes of the night including ASkars, Riz Ahmed, Rami Malek and Luke Evans.
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty
Amber Rose is the host of the new Loveline podcast and so she’s been spitting out words about sex a lot lately, like how can she can’t remember the number of fuck partners she’s had (who can, really?). Amber recently said on Loveline that now that she’s talking about sex more, she felt like she needed to broaden her whoreizons so she decided to have her first threesome with a dude and another chick. It left her as disappointed as Kanye West was that time she told him she just had a manicure and didn’t want to get into any finger-in-the-booty action. Amber said the threesome was horrible and passion-less. She added that she might call her baby father to cleanse her coochie of the terribleness of it all. Amber may have tried to get on the tattooed scarecrow dick belonging to her baby father Wiz Khalifa, because this morning, he said in a tweet that he doesn’t want to be her after-threesome rebound peen. Sure, Wiz could’ve texted her like a normal person, but then he wouldn’t have gotten his regular dose of Vitamin A (for attention)!
I’m so happy for Amber Rose’s ability to get money, that I’m totally willing to overlook the fact that she’s got more shades of pink than Crayola around her mouth. Right now, the only thing of importance is that her divorce is final and she’ll soon be cashing some pretty big checks.
TMZ says that Amber Rose and her husband of one year, Wiz Khalifa, are now officially divorced. In a shocking famous people divorce twist, they appear to have settled their divorce in a civil manner. Shortly after Amber and Wiz called it quits, we learned that she had signed a prenup and that she was entitled to $1 million for the one year they were married. According to their divorce settlement, which was finalized yesterday, Amber is getting that million dollars. She has already received $356,000 from Wiz and will get the remaining $644,000. That’s reason enough for Amber to be twerking with joy today, but she’s also getting a whole hell of a lot of child support from him. Amber will reportedly receive $14,800 a month for their three-year-old son Sebastian, who they share custody of.
Wiz will get to keep a home in Pennsylvania and 10 fancy cars. TMZ says Amber and Wiz celebrated their divorce by going to a strip club together last night. Awww, that’s…sweet? Sure, why not.
Amber and Wiz’s divorce wasn’t nearly as much of a mess fest as it seemed like it was going to be when they dumped their marriage in the relationship graveyard almost 21 months ago. For a while there, things were getting paper towel commercial-levels of dirty. Amber accused Wiz of cheating on her on Twitter. Then Wiz accused Amber of unspecified shit that probably had to do with their son on Twitter. Then something happened, and they stopped fighting. Maybe Cher did the world a favor by dressing up in her costume from Moonstruck and slapping both Amber and Wiz as she yells at them to snap out of it. Or maybe Amber and Wiz buried the hatchet back in January while bonding over their mutual hatred of Kanye West. That’s probably it. That has the power to bring anyone together.
Last week, it seemed like there was trouble in the squad (Side note: Hello, my name is Michael. I’m a grown up and I just wrote “trouble in the squad.“) when Lorde was seen with Taylor Swift enemy Diplo. Diplo once said that someone should start a Kickstarter to buy Taylor Swift an ass. I figured that Girl Squad Captain Taylor would immediately tell Lorde to shred her Hello Kitty membership card and then ask for the copy of the key to the treasure box where they keep the friendship bracelet supplies. But I don’t think that happened, because here’s Taylor Swift (giving you Dollar Tree Elvira Hancock) and Lorde (giving you constipated and stoned Emily the Strange in an Ice Capades show directed by Tim Burton) at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party last night.
But maybe something is up. Lorde does look like she was sedated and is only posing with Taylor because Taylor threatened to expose secrets that could ruin her career. You know, secrets like she really hates the color black, she loves the color pink, Nicholas Sparks is her favorite author, she really feels whole when she smiles and nothing brightens up her day like sunshine. But then again, Lorde always looks like a goth ghost who took too much Ambien, so everything’s probably fine. However, nothing is fine with the blood explosion messiness that Gwen Stefani wore.
While Blake Shelton looked like the most dressed up dude at a hillbilly wedding, Gwen Stefani looked like she was about to star in Carrie On Ice!
It looks like her belly button is barfing blood. She looks like a slutty blood clot. We get it, Gwen. You’re hot. You still got it, bitch. I’m all for a trick trying to get attention by showing her granny panties in a sheer dress, but Gwen could’ve done it without wearing an ensemble that makes me want to throw tampons, Band-Aids and cotton balls at her.
And here’s more pictures from last night’s VF party including some of Justin Timberlake being annoying and Anne Hathaway wearing Mrs. Roper’s favorite disco freakum muumuu.
Oh, don’t mind Russell Wilson; he’s just been trying so hard not to stare into Ciara’s front no no hole that he’s fallen into some kind of catatonic state. I’m sure he’s fine.
If there’s one night of the year when a famous type can throw out everything they know about class, taste, style, common sense, and Spanx, it’s the Grammys. I’m pretty sure if you look on your invitation, the dress code is simply a picture of Toni Braxton from the 43rd Grammy Awards. Unfortunately, only a handful of people observed the dress code and came barely-draped in their tacky finest. The most elegant of which was Ciara, who showed up in a table runner held together with a bunch of ribbons and damn near flashed everyone her panty goodies.
I’m not sure why Ciara and Russell Wilson were at the Grammys, since she hasn’t been nominated for one in six years and he doesn’t sing, but I’m really glad they did. Otherwise, we might have missed out on Ciara’s gorgeously trampy formal nightgown thing. Ciara looks like a slutty Miami dancer (I’ll let you decide what kind of dancer) named Porquoi? who works for diamonds and really really wants to fuck Scarface, and I’m into it.
With that being said, if this is how Ciara dresses now, I can’t wait to see what kind of high-end classiness $15 million lawsuit winner Ciara shows up in next year.
Of course, there were a few close seconds in terms of pure class and elegance, like Joy Villa and the always stunning Z LaLa (who came dressed like an IKEA As-Is section version of Cher). On the other end of the spectrum was Dancia, who said “Fuck it” to sexy and covered herself in whatever she could grab from Nicki Minaj’s storage locker from 2010 and glue to her pink onesie.