Jada Pinkett Smith is still pimping out her new Facebook Watch show Red Table Talk. That’s how we heard about the secret 17-year feud she had with Gabrielle Union. The latest tidbit RTT teased is that Willow Smith once had the harrowing experience of walking in on her parents doing the Horizontal Tango. Only, since it’s Will Smith and Jada we’re talking about, it was probably some real unusual shit. Like the Secant Vector Shuffle with a Xenu twist. Whatever she saw, I’m sure it wasn’t covered in The Joy Of Sex.
By “shit,” I of course mean IMMENSE KNOWLEDGE. And yes, “Immense Knowledge” is the name of their weed strain of choice.
FKA Twigs is a lot of things. She’s a singer, a songwriter, a dancer, an artiste and Robert Pattinson’s promised one. And after reading her interview with ES Magazine, I learned that she either took the same Scientology homeschool classes as Willow and Jaden Smith or all of their brains were cut from the same hemp cloth. Because FKA Twigs gets deep. FKA Twigs may look like Fievel’s sister from An American Tail, but when she stares out into the vast night, she doesn’t sing Somewhere Out There, she reads the stars.
If you were planning on spending the rest of your day skipping along higher planes of consciousness after doing shrooms laced with PCP, you’re in luck. You can save those PCP-kissed shrooms for another day, because a new Willow and Jaden Smith interview is out, and reading their words will make you feel like you’re slow dancing with L. Ron Hubbard to a P.M. Dawn song on the rings of Saturn. But just like shrooms laced with PCP, you may have to schedule in time to deal with the comedown.
Jaden is on Baz Luhrmann’s Netflix show The Get Down, and sure he could promote that, but instead, he and Willow promoted their *~thoughts~* on things. Pharrell Williams talked to the human form of a 90s ying and yang necklace for Interview Magazine, and just like their other interviews, it’s a PSA on what happens when you mix together two young minds, Scientology, not much parental guidance and a shit load of money.
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
If I had to guess what 15-year-old daughter of famous people/possible alien Willow Smith wanted to be when she grew up, I’d say either Scientology’s official cultural attaché to the Galactic Confederacy or Professional Eccentric Person. You know, like the kind who wakes up at 11am in a pair of custom-made haute couture Moon Shoes, workshops a few philosophical nonsense tweets with her brother Jaden Smith till 3pm, then spends the rest of the evening on a bean bag in the outdoor umbrella tent from Spice World staring at a glow stick and writing a song about a cosmic dolphin.
By looking at that picture, you may think that the Chanel show took place in another galaxy where the attendance was all rich aliens. It didn’t. It happened in Paris and was attended by rich humans. Although some aliens did manage to get an invitation, like intergalactic teenage nonsense philosopher Willow Smith and her mom Jada Pinkett Smith.
It’s not exactly a surprise that 15-year-old Willow is hanging out at a fashion show in Paris in the middle of a Tuesday, since the Smith children don’t do regular school. But it’s not like she’s doing it for fun; Willow was just named Chanel’s newest brand ambassador. Plus I’m pretty sure attending a haute couture fashion show is technically considered a field trip in the Smith family’s un-school curriculum. And since it would be irresponsible to send a 15-year-old on a field trip without an adult present, Jada joined her. Jada has apparently moved on from that whole Oscars boycott situation, so she has the time.
I’ve never been to a fancy-ass fashion show, but from what I’ve gathered, it’s proper to show up wearing shit made by the designer. I see that Jada got the memo – although those jeans do look a little Old Navy. But I have no idea what is happening on Willow. She looks like a Scientology superhero designed by John Travolta (“I call her The Incredible Audit“). But if Chanel HBIC Karl Lagerfeld is responsible for what Willow is wearing, and he probably is, then he should probably expect to receive a copyright infringement notice from the producers of Galaxy Quest.
Here’s more of Cool Mom Jada and Cool Teen Willow posing for their lives outside of the Chanel show earlier today.