Every year, the wrecks of Today do one big group costume and they usually go all out. Last year, they brought the night terrors by dressing up as The Peanuts and the scars I got on my brain from being exposed to that terrifying shit still haven’t healed. Well, the producers must have used most of the show’s budget to pay preppy butt plug Billy Bush to go away, because this year’s costumes looked like they came from a community theater costume shop sale and a Salvation Army donation bin. You know they told Kathie Lee Gifford that a bottle of chardonnay was hiding at the bottom of that bin and she hopped in to get it.
The 90s have been barfing all over 2016 for a while now (see: every trick wearing a choker, Vanilla Ice being somewhat relevant again, the return of Kimmy Gibbler, etc…), but on Today this morning, the 90s came back in a messy way.
Those damn Santa Ana winds (Note: If you’re a weather-themed drag queen looking for a name, consider Santa Ana Winds.) must’ve swept in some serious shit, because my allergies are acting up like Justin Bieber during a Norwegian TV performance. I’ve been overdosing on Benadryl, so when I first saw these pictures of the Today hosts in Peanuts drag for Halloween, I thought the medicine kicked on the “hallucination” switch in my brain. This is what it would look like if those mutant creatures from The Hills Have Eyes disguised themselves as Peanuts characters to lure children into their cave. I have three words for this: MWA MWA MWA?! That’s Peanuts grown-up talk for “WHY, GOD, WHY?!”
To answer the prayer in your head: No, a pink slip didn’t land between Matt Lauer’s cleavage.
Around 10 weeks ago, NBC brought on former ESPN executive Jamie Horowitz to save the lukewarm caca puddle that is Today and take it to #1 above Good Morning America. I guess NBC wasn’t impressed with what Jamie was doing, because they showed his ass the exit door before his contract officially started on December 1st. The good news is that Jamie doesn’t have to wake up to the musty scent of Matt Lauer’s smugness anymore. The better news is that he reportedly gets to keep the $3 million his contract is worth.
Sources tell the NYDN that Jamie created a messy environment at Today, because he wanted to immediately make a ton of changes. The source says that Jamie put other producers on the spot by asking them which one of their co-workers should be fired. Jamie was looking to fire hos left and right and Page Six says that he wanted to pink slip repurposed Stepford robot Savannah Guthrie and replace her with Kathie Lee Gifford’s morning time drinking partner Hoda Kotb.