I was initially going to say that this looks like a low-budget, fuck effort cover of a cheap Aladdin porn parody, but they’re all wearing way too many damn stupid clothes for that! Does Guy Ritchie’s live-action version of Disney’s Aladdin take on global warming, and in this one, the Middle-East is always cold and it never gets to “whip those hot man nipples out” Fahrenheit?
Entertainment Weekly put out the first pictures from Aladdin starring Will Smith as the Genie, Naomi Scott as Princess Jasmine, and Mena Massoud as the title character, and while my first wish to a genie would be for a hot piece of man who cums bitcoins, others would wish for this live-action Aladdin to disappear in a cloud of smoke FOREVER. Because well, Jambi from Pee-Wee Herman looks more like the cartoon genie from Aladdin than Will Smith does. And my 80s self, who used to put his troll doll’s hair into a topknot, is calling 911 on Guy Ritchie, Disney, and Will Smith, because that goatee looks like the scalped-off topknot of a troll doll.
Most people would like to think they’ll be happy on their wedding day. Well, apart from when you walk down the aisle and you realize about 15 cousins you hate actually came and are going to be mooching off the open bar, but that’s a different conversation. Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith sure are spending a lot of time blabbing about their marriage these days, and let’s just hope they’re both secure and have a good therapist on speed dial – cuz it ain’t always good stuff! It wasn’t that long ago that Jada said they weren’t swingers (sure, Jan), which was a pretty longstanding Hollywood rumor.
Most people still figured those two boned a lot, but it soundns like they’ve been dogged with tough times from the very beginning. Jada may have cried 45 days straight during a stretch of their marriage, but the waterworks were even happening on day one. Jada says her mom forced her to marry Will in the first place, and she responded by boo hooing her way to the alter.
The most iconic moment in TV history to me isn’t when we found out who shot J.R. It isn’t even the finale of M.A.S.H.or Friends. It’s when Tyra Banks still had her talk show and decided inviting Naomi Campbell on to discuss their feud would be a good idea. Rather than give in to Ty-Ty, Naomi spent most of the time scowzing (the scowling yin to Tyra’s smizing yang) and wondering what assistant she would be throwing her Blackberry at once the cameras stopped. Fast forward a few years, and Jada Pinkett Smith has basically turned that idea into an entire show.
Jada’s Red Table Talk is a show she co-hosts with her mother and daughter, and it’s a TMI extravaganza! From Will Smith dropping by to air out their marriage’s dirty laundry in front of their child and his mother-in-law to Gabrielle Union plopping down in a seat to discuss a 17-year feud none of us knew was a thing, the show has surprisingly been better than the community access TV-on-a-Flip-cam I was expecting. The new season is about to drop, and Jada is wadding balls deep into the Scientology pool to make nice with former foe and ex-Scientologist Leah Remini.
Normally a conversation about Will Smith talking about how wet his wife got would lead you to believe that he’s been oversharing about their sex life. But for once, this isn’t about Will and Jada Pinkett Smith getting freaky. Will appeared on Jada’s Facebook Watch show, Red Table Talk (co-hosted by Willow Smith and Jada’s mom Adrienne Banfield-Jones). People says Will did get into his 21-year marriage with Jada, but he specifically talked about a time in which he felt like he failed her as a husband. It’s not known if he broke the bowl right before a key party Will doesn’t say what made Jada so sad in the clip provided to People before the show’s premiere on October 22; just that he was the reason behind it.
Will Smith spent his 50th birthday bungee jumping out of a helicopter over The Grand Canyon for a live-streamed event on YouTube. Advertised as Will Smith: The Jump, the live event was hosted by Fresh Prince alum Alfonso Rivera, and the entire family was there to witness the stunt. According to Vulture, Will agreed to do the stunt when he was challenged by YouTube creators Yes Theory. Will accepted the challenge and, as if compelled by the power of Xenu, decided to make it a whole thing. He teamed up with an organization called Global Citizen, a charity focused on education, and hyped the shit out of it.
I guess hell hath no fury like a British morning radio DJ relegated to the afternoon. Nick Grimshaw may not be a household name to everyone in the U.S., but for those of us whose idea of fine literature is a litany of subscriptions to British gay magazines (hypothetically speaking, of course), he’s mother England’s gay version of Carson Daly, focusing only on Top 40 songs and feigning interest in what Rihanna puts on her bagel in the morning during an interview just so she’ll grant an exclusive debut of her 900th single in two weeks.
I guess Nick’s tenure of The Radio 1 Breakfast Show for BBC Radio 1 has been notable for scaring viewers away because they moved him to an afternoon show. He was interviewed about the perceived slight, which is pretty amazing since a scorned gay with no fucks to give might be the worst thing to happen to a celebrity’s image – in this case, Angelina Jolie and Will Smith! Continue reading