The shady paycheck-analyzing bitches at Forbes have released their annual “Actors with too many undeserved dollars in their wallet” list (aka Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors of 2016). For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has topped the list.
Forbes figured out the most overpaid actors like this:
Our rundown of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors looked at the last three films each actor starred in before June 2016, save animated films, movies where the actor appeared in an insignificant role, or movies that were released on fewer than 2,000 screens.We then deducted the estimated production budget from the global box office for each film according to Box Office Mojo to come up with a limited definition of each movie’s operating income. We took the total operating income from the star’s three most recent significant films then divided by the star’s estimated pay for those films to come up with a final return on investment number.
Math isn’t my strongest brain function, so I’m taking Forbes’ word for it.
Variety reported yesterday that Will Ferrell was going to produce and star in Reagan, which has been described as a “dementia comedy” about the 1980s president’s second term. The synopsis for it goes like this: At the beginning of President Raegan’s second term when he “falls into dementia,” an intern is told that they have to convince Reagan that he’s actually an actor playing the president in a movie. That premise went over as well as explosive diarrhea at a butt sex orgy. It went over as well as that joke.
Whenever I see the name “Evil DJ” I think it’s the nickname the cast of Full House called Candace Cameron behind her back. It probably was/is.
At the Zoolander 2 premiere in NYC last night, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell and Penelope Cruz walked the purple carpet in character. That was part of the premiere everyone there called the “This Is An Embarrassing Mess, Let’s Go To The Open Bar” portion of the night. Justin Theroux helped write Zoolander 2 and his character from the first one is in it, so he also hopped (or whatever you call what he’s doing) down the runway. It was some real “Um, you’re a millionaire and you’re married to a multi-multi-millionaire so you don’t need to do this crap for a check” shit.
Evil DJ always looks like Linda Perry circa 1994 if Linda Perry circa 1994 was styled by Kevin Federline using shit from Riff Raff’s closet. When I first saw these pictures, I wondered what in the hell happened to Jason Castro and then I wondered why in the hell do I remember Jason Castro.
And I hope they cover this look on Fashion Police, because I really to see Giuliana Rancic’s lollipop head shake and pop off while she tries to figure out what to say about his dreads.
And I don’t mean “hit it with splashes of holy water while running to the safe house.”
The trailer for Zoolander 2 came out today and it starts off as a comedy but then turns into a terrifying sci-fi horror show when Benedict Cumberbatch pops up on the screen looking like some kind of creature that slithered out of Snape’s asshole 9 months after that half-blood wizard had bareback fuck times with The Lizard from Spider-Man on the site of a toxic waste dump. If Kendall Jenner uses her family’s plastic surgeon, that’s what she’s going to look like without makeup in 10 years.
B. Cums plays an androgynous supermodel and I don’t even think they used any prosthetics or wigs or anything. B. Cums just shape-shifted into his natural alien lizard form and now we know that his natural alien lizard from looks a melting Tilda Swinton wax figure in low-budget Cher drag. B. Cums as a carved Pete Burns candle isn’t the only terrifying thing in the Zoolander 2 trailer. Kristen Wiig as Donatella Versace’s unremarkable anus is also pretty terrifying.
But B. Cums and Kristen aren’t even the scariest things in that trailer. The most horrifying thing is that they call Justin Bieber, whose death isn’t as perfect as his death in CSI, one of the most beautiful people in the world.
And to answer my headline question, yes, I probably would.
When The Hollywood Reporter spilled the beans back in April that Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig had made a secret semi-serious Lifetime movie called A Deadly Adoption, tears of pure happiness poured from my eye-holes like Botox from a broken seam in Kim Kardashian’s face. Then later, when Will Ferrell announced that he was throwing the whole thing in the trash because it was supposed to be a secret, my happy tears turned to sad stanky tears.
Now my tears have gone back to the happy kind again, because The Hollywood Reporter confirmed yesterday that A Deadly Adoption is back on and will air on June 20th. And thanks to that poster, now I’m really excited. A Deadly Adoption looks like True Detective meets Mom at Sixteen starring Chuck Norris and a heavily airbrushed Cathy from Dance Moms. Of course, that’s all a lot of words to say that it looks perfect, and I will be clearing my schedule for the night of the 20th so I can park my ass on the couch with a box of wine and get messy while I watch this mess. “And that’s different from every other night how?” just coughed my couch, my ass, and the 12 boxes of wine stacked in my kitchen.
The only problem I can see is that date. June 20th isn’t a Sunday. “Sources” tell THR that someone fucked up, and the poster should have said “Saturday June 20.” It’s already a mess, and it hasn’t even aired yet! Good job, Will Ferrell; you really know your Lifetime movies.
After pushing out some truly stinky made-for-tv dookies recently (yes, I’m looking at all of you, but mostly The Brittany Murphy Story), Lifetime has finally made something that won’t be a giant pile of embarrassment. I know, they had such a high bar to clear after Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig have made a movie together for Lifetime called A Deadly Adoption, a dramatic thriller about a successful couple who let a pregnant woman live in their house in hopes that she’ll give them her baby. Obviously Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig play the couple, and the pregnant woman is played by 90210’s Jessica Lowndes.
The two-hour movie, which was filmed in secret a little while ago, has been described as “campy and fun and a contemporary wink at the genre” and will air sometime in the summer. Will Ferrell is apparently a huge fan of Lifetime movies and has wanted to make a fake Lifetime movie for a while, and A Deadly Adoption will coincide with the 25th anniversary of Lifetime’s TV movie business.
Well, that’s just about the best damn news I’ve heard all week. The only way A Deadly Adoption could get any better is if the small town police officer (it’s always in a small town and there’s always a police officer) who just knows something’s not right about Will and Kristen’s characters was played by Lifetime legend Valerie Bertinelli and the fetus in the ultrasound picture was played by Tori Spelling.
UPDATE from Michael: Will Ferrell tells Deadline that they’ve decided to scrap it and not air it, because it was supposed to be on the SHUSH and they’re sad that it was made public. The Internet ruined it all! But The Wrap says that isn’t so. They think that Will’s statement to Deadline might be a ploy to trick everyone. The future masterpiece will still air, apparently. Okay, well if it’s not a ploy and they really are scrapping plans to air it, can Lifetime please show the classic Maternal Instincts starring Delta Burke in its place?
Here’s the lock for Best Actress in a TV Move at the 2016 Emmys strolling through LAX last week. Is it just me, or is Kristen Wiig giving off funhouse mirror Ashlee Simpson vibes?