A Mental Health Group Says Will Forte’s Upcoming Suicide Drama Is “Wildly Irresponsible”

Earlier this week it was announced that Will Forte had signed on to star in a new Peacock drama series created by brothers Harry and Jack Williams (who executive produced Fleabag). The show is called Expiration Date, and it follows a grieving man who takes out an insurance policy that covers suicide, providing he doesn’t kill himself within one year. So he sets his “expiration date” and gets ready to live his final year and plot his suicide. Very dark. And, according to the nonprofit mental health group Inseparable, also very reckless. Continue reading

Fox Canceled Three Comedies Including “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”

And yet, Fox still has that disaster of a Lethal Weapon TV series plugged into life support? To paraphrase Andy Samberg’s character Jake Peralta: cool cool cool cool cool, the system makes no goddamn sense. Yes, I’m a Brooklyn Nine-Nine fan, and yes I’m more pissed than Scary Terry realizing he’s about to miss the farmer’s market.

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Open Post: Hosted By Will Forte’s Half-Shaved Hair Situation

On the left, you have Lex Luthor’s forever-unemployed brother Steve who won’t stop hitting him up on Facebook for a small business loan so he can open a vape shop (“Come on, be cool, bro – I only need $20,000“). On the right, you have Conchita Wurst’s drag mother, Pussy Footlong, who has since retired, but still works a backlit beard like a pro. And when you put them together, you get Will Forte at the FOX All Star Party in Pasadena last night.

For whatever reason, Will Forte showed up looking like a rode-hard put-away broken inside version of half-bearded Italian high jumper and former Hot Slut Gianmarco Tamberi. But I don’t really need a reason. He looks like a Faces of Florida mugshot, and I’m into it. Will’s Last Man on Earth co-star Mel Rodriguez also shaved half his face for the event. Mel doesn’t look nearly as creepy as Will, but he does look like a high school gym coach morphing into a high school math teacher, and that deserves a slow clap.

Here’s more of Will from last night. I know I’m focusing on the wrong thing here, but I wonder if he shaved half his balls too? You know what – I don’t need to know the answer to that (I’m happy to pretend the answer is “yes“).

Pics: Splash

January Jones And Will Forte Are Already Over

Reminder: January Jones and her co-star from that Last Man on Earth show, Will Forte, were dating. That was a little fact I forgot about and right after I hit publish on this bitch, I can continue to forget about that little fact, because they’re no longer boning. A source tells UsWeekly that Will Forte no longer has to thaw out his dick with a blow dryer and a hot rag after doing it with January. January dumped Will after only 5 months of being a thing, because life is way too short and there’s way too much dick out there to stick with one for a long time.

As for why the actress isn’t on board with Forte, it may be due to the fact that she’s not looking for commitment. Jones has told pals that “relationships are a pain in the ass,” the insider says.

Tip for January: Whenever you feel that “pain in the ass” during a relationship, it’s time to switch lube brands and possibly look into getting some anus-numbing cream. But really, UsWeekly also put up a story yesterday about how newly single Jon Hamm and newly single January Jones spent a lot of time together at an Emmys after-party.

“Jon was in an amazing mood,” the source tells Us Weekly of Hamm’s demeanor at the post-Emmys party. “He spent most of the night nestled in a corner booth with January and a few show runners,” they added.

January also Instagrammed this picture of her with Don Draper:

#finally

A photo posted by January Jones (@januaryjones) on Sep 20, 2015 at 9:29pm PDT

Yeah, these two don’t really make sense to me. First of all, what kind of self-respecting home wrecker hooks up with a dude AFTER he breaks up with his long time partner? That is the opposite of home wrecker logic. Second of all, Jon Hamm is supposedly a needy man child who needs a mother figure to take care of him. If that’s the case, he should probably date January’s nanny. Because the minute he starts crying and saying he needs a hug, she’ll probably pick him up and drop him in the nanny’s lap.

And here’s Jon Hamm leaving the eye doctor’s office yesterday. There’s no need to press your eyeballs up against the screen to see if The Hammaconda made an appearance. I already did that.

Pics: Wenn.com

January Jones And Will Forte Might Be Doing It

If you’ve been watching Fox’s The Last Man on Earth, you know that Will Forte’s character Phil Miller has been desperately trying to get with January Jones’ character Melissa Shart for the past couple weeks (despite the fact that he’s fake married to Kristen Schaal, who was his second choice after a hot department store mannequin. Trust me, it’s a great show). However, it sounds like pretending to have the hornies for each other might have lead to actually having the hornies for each other, because UsWeekly says Will Forte and January Jones are totally dating. Random, thy name is Betty Draper humping on SNL’s MacGruber.

A source says that they’ve been dating for the past couple months, adding that he’s a “good guy” and they’re “having fun“. Well no fucking duh, how could you not have fun with Will Forte? That’s like saying “Guess what! I went on a date with Kim Kardashian and she brought her mom and a camera crew!” I mean, we’re talking about the man who gave us Paul L’Astnamé from 30 Rock; if anyone could get January Jones’ non-smiling face to crack a smile, it’s him.

Then again, this could all be UsWeekly’s idea of an April Fool’s Day joke. In which case, does that mean he’s still available? How does he feel about ok-faced bloggers that smell constantly of strawberry Pop-Tarts? I’m…uh…asking for a friend.

But speaking of smiling, here are some pictures of January Jones smiling at the Mad Men season premiere last week. Who knew that getting dicked by Tim Calhoun is the cure for chronic resting bitchface?

Pics: Wenn.com