Category: Why So Edgy?

Miley Cyrus Bared Her Pussy For Terry Richardson And Candy Magazine

November 13, 2015 / Posted by:

Candy is the magazine that graced our eyeballs with the piping hot image of Tilda Swinton looking like a flaming ginger phoenix in glamour drag and James Franco looking like a rejected Robert Palmer Girl. And now they’re giving your eyes another serving of Miley Cyrus’ nipples. I usually see my nipples every day when I hang my head down to cry in the shower and I have still seen Miley Cyrus’ tit knobs more than my own.

If you’ve been feeling way too clean today and needed a reason to scrub penicillin powder onto your eyes with a Chore Boy, just picture Terry Richardson jacking off with one hand while NSFW taking pictures of Miley Cyrus sucking off a police baton with the other. As the glory hole cum stain Uncle Terry shot away, the edgy hillbilly chipmunk served up all sorts of poses like the “tasting my pit fur” pose and the “strung out hustler looking for a john” pose and the “self-sucking strap-on” pose. I have a feeling that the strap-on picture is going to be the Cyrus family holiday card this year.

And yeah, I get it, Miley Cyrus is still letting Mickey Mouse know that she’s all grown up and is beyond edgy now and can flash her marmoset cooter anytime she wants, but why drag that poor innocent pussy into this? That cat wants nothing to do with this mess. I’m not sure if that cat’s face says, “Meow meow?” (that’s “Why me?” in catanese) or, “You fucking better not cum on me, Uncle Terry.”

Pics: Candy

Miley Cyrus’ Pasties-Covered Titties Were On “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” Last Night

August 27, 2015 / Posted by:

We’re just a few days away from the heads of One Million Moms popping off as Miley Cyrus uses a pineapple-shaped rhinestone strap-on to butt fuck a purple power bottom unicorn on stage at the MTV VMAs. So to promote her hosting gig, Miley went on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night while looking like the LSD baby that Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock pushed out 9 months after having messy, sloppy LSD-fueled sex with a rainbow disco ball light from Spencer’s Gifts.

As soon as Miley sat down, she and Jimmy Kimmel started talking about her chipmunk chest dumplings since they’re always out. In case you didn’t already figure it out after the 1,985,986th time she put her hillbilly chichis on display in public, she’s really comfortable being topless and partly because it makes other people uncomfortable. When Miley met Paul McCartney, she was nervous about meeting him, but was comforted by him being uncomfortable with her tits being out. Sure, when Miley meets someone with her tits out, it’s considered a “cute ice breaker.” But when I meet someone with my pants off, the police are called, my name ends up on a list and I get a cleaning bill because everyone barfed on the floor.

Here’s Miley talking about the tits on her chest, the tit she calls pappy and America’s fear of the nipple:

I’m typing this from my Braille keyboard now, because when she said, “My dad would rather me not have my tits out all the time,” I side-eyed so hard that my eyeballs turned 180 degrees. Please, that gives Billy Ray Cyrus pride and if he had tits like Miley, he too would slap some pasties on ’em and jiggle ’em for Jimmy Kimmel. Why am I giving Billy Ray ideas?

Miley also did a segment where she disguised herself as an Australian reporter and asked people on the street what they think of Miley Cyrus. Click here to see it, but a warning to Australians, her accent may make your ear holes bleed Vegemite. Although, her Australian accent is still better than Quentin Tarantino’s Australian accent in Django Unchained.

And here’s Miley showing up to ABC Studios after committing a criminal act by stealing one of Soleil Moon Frye’s old Punky Brewster outfits.

Pics: Wenn.com

Jared Leto Is So Method That He Sent Margot Robbie A Live Rat

June 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Because everyone is busy screaming out a verbal rainbow of YES (although, no screams are louder than the screams of the person who started the world’s first ever gay mail-order groom agency, because their day has finally arrived), there’s not much “real news” out there, so here’s a story about how Jared Leto put the meth in method while shooting Suicide Squad.

Seen above looking like the Grim Reaper after getting a makeover at the Urban Decay counter, Jared Leto gave himself the perfect story to tell reporters while trying to campaign for his second Oscar nomination. Jared starved himself down to the weight of an Olsen’s nipple to get that OSCUH for Dallas Buyers’ Club and his Suicide Squad castmates say that he’s also going hard while playing The Joker. Jared wasn’t around during prep for Suicide Squad, so he didn’t get to “bond” with the cast. But his co-star Adam Beach, who plays Slipknot in that shit, tells E! News that Jared sent them gifts in character to show that he really shoved himself into the body of The Joker.

At last night’s Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser premiere (Yes, that is a movie that was made for real and that is an event that really happened), Adam said that the noted vegan sent Margot Robbie a live rat and sent the rest of the cast a dead hog. And PETA is going to send Jared Leto a 10,000 word open letter in 3..2..

“He sent [Margot Robbie] a nice love letter with a black box with a rat in it—a live rat. It was beautiful. Then he sent bullets to Will [Smith] with a letter. [He sent the cast a video and a] dead hog. Basically, what he said was, ‘Guys, I can’t be there but I want you to know I’m doing my work as hard as you guys.’ The video he showed is in character. It blew our minds away. Then we realized that day, this is real.”

Yeah, it’s real alright. Real fucking annoying, because they knew it was going to be a long few months dealing with Jared Leto showing them that he’s a real THESPIAN! I’d be mad if I was them. I would be pissed that Jared Leto gave me a hog and it wasn’t the obese, prostate-murdering hog in his chonies.

Daniel Day-Lewis pisses on Jared Leto’s little stunts, because that’s not method. DDL wouldn’t have the time to send anyone rats or dead hogs, because he’d be too busy repeatedly throwing himself into a giant vat of acid until his hair turned green and his skin turned white for real.

Pic: Pacific Coast News

Oh, You Know, It’s Just Miley Cyrus After An Alien Bukkake Party

June 9, 2015 / Posted by:

Yesterday, Paper spit up the cover image of a sucio creature and a pig looking like something out of Charlotte’s Web: Wilbur’s Dark Years, and if you needed a hypnotist to rid your brain of that image, you better make another appointment with them. Because Paper squirted up more pictures from their Miley Cyrus cover shoot including this one of Alvin, Simon and Theodore’s backwoods third cousin looking like she’s anxiously waiting for Jabba the Hutt and his homies to finish up already. That is some serious Star Wars porn parody ART for your eyes.

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Ariana Grande Latte Hates Santa Claus

December 27, 2014 / Posted by:

Seen above fighting the urge to barf on Santa’s face and stab him with that Empire State Building statue, the Emo Betty Spaghetty doll known as Ariana Grande tells the Daily Star (via The Daily Mail) that she hates Santa Claus as much as she hates the right side of her mug. Even though the human version of an evil Yorkie puppy has a Christmas song out called “Santa Tell Me,” she says that when she thinks of Santa she feels the same thing you feel when you see her busting out her usual baby prostitute moves. She is repulsed.

“I’m repulsed by Santa. My song might sound cheerful but it’s really quite sardonic and depressing. I’m like saying, “Santa, what is your deal, bro?” I’ve had my heart broken multiple times around this time of year. I feel although it’s one of the most cheerful times of the year, I see tons of heartbreak and they make movies about it. It’s like a (Wham!) Last Christmas vibe.”

There’s always one of those “edgy” hipster toddlers on the pre-school playground who says they are so over Santa Claus.

Santa gives Ariana the voms yet she still uses his name to sell her stupid Christmas song? That shady baby bitch. But I have a feeling that something happened for Ariana to have such hate in her dark-sided heart for Santa. Either she ends up on the “asshole kids” list every year and Santa only leaves her a stocking full of shit or she not only looks like a diabolical elf, she is a diabolical elf and used to work in his workshop but was fired for being evil. I’m going with that one.

Here’s Santa’s #1 hater performing with Magica De Spell at one of those jingle balls things in Sunrise, FL on December 21st.

Pics: Wenn.com

More Scenes From Basement Baby’s Oh-So-Edgy Wedding

November 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Yesterday, I threw up pictures of the “Viva Las Vegas Coffy” look that I thought Solange worked during her wedding to her man Alan Ferguson. But that caped jumpsuit was just one of the many white and ivory looks Basement Baby wore during her hipster Wite-Out of a wedding in New Orleans. Last night, Vogue.com posted these ridiculous ~FASHUN~ pictures taken by photographer Rog Walker of Basement Baby wearing her wedding cape dress while surrounded by her bridal court which included Janelle Monae, Beyonce and Tina Knowles serving up rich gremlin bitch glamour.

That shit looks like the most pretentious Clorox ad of all-time. They also look like the cult from The Leftovers if the cult from The Leftovers had way too much disposable income and took themselves really, really seriously. I guarantee you there’s one chick in that picture who’s like, “Aunt Flo, please don’t fuck with my fierce and come heavy today, because I don’t need to be the one with period stains in Basement Baby’s wedding photos.” But I do love that Beyonce is at basement level for once! Beyonce finally listened to us all and SAT DOWN.

One second after Vogue posted these pictures, Pimp Mama Kris tried to get more attention by Instagramming a picture of her and her dumpster sludge hos in all white outfits too. I am far from being a member of the Beyhive, but PMK comparing herself to the Knowles chicks is like comparing a piece of filet mignon to a maggot infested pile of shit droppings that a rat pooped out after nibbling on a McDonald’s hamburger patty it found lying on a puddle of dog piss in the gutter.

And Basement Baby’s wedding wardrobe budget really was bigger than the budget of her greatest work, Bring It On: All Or Nothing. Here’s a video of Basement Baby wearing another outfit while busting out a mother and son choreographed dance routine to “No Flex Zone” with her kid Julez during her reception.

The cute was zapped out of that video as soon as I found myself looking for her basement bagina to make an appearance.

E! News also has pictures of Basement Baby’s face covered in hives after the wedding reception. Jay-Z’s revenge! Basement Baby should’ve known something was up when the special present from Jay-Z started buzzing like crazy. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, indeed.

Pics: Vogue.com

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