During my five month baby hiatus, I got reacquainted with my good ol’ friend, The View. For five months straight, I watched it every day to pass the time while nap-trapped under my baby on the couch. My infant daughter’s ears lived through the five weeks Joy Behar took over moderating duties from Whoopi and the show temporarily turned into the Joy vs. Meghan McCain Glass Table Death Match. I shouldn’t have admitted that out loud – I’m totally going to get a visit from CPS.
Point is, I came to remember that Meghan’s internal filter is permanently stuck on “be a loud right-leaning mess,” which was probably the sole job qualification The View producers were looking for when they hired her. Even though it may seem like Meghan annoys everyone within earshot, there is one person out there who wants to hear what Meghan has to say, and that’s Howard Stern.
It’s no shock that The View is probably a messy work environment, but The View of today is mild compared to the days when the Don Corleone of lady journalism, Barbara Walters, was trading co-host slots like us queens swap out our RuPaul’s Drag Race fantasy league lineup each week. One of the more controversial picks was when Jenny McCarthy joined the cast because it was right after Jenny became an anti-vaxxer and said vaccinations heightened her son’s autism, which actually improved by allegedly a gluten-free diet and behavioral therapy. Barbara had already popped off on Jenny once, and it sounds like that was a pretty good omen to Jenny’s time on The View.
It’s been a minute since Whoopi Goldberg was on The View, and that’s because she had a pneumonia so bad that she was basically staring the Grim Reaper in the face. I guess Death decided if Whoopi can hold a day job with those hyenas on the panel, pneumonia sure as shit isn’t going to be what brings her down. She’s on the mend and even dropped by the show today to kind of announce her return, if you can manage to hear it through Meghan McCain’s war whooping.
I’m sure many regular watchers of The View are thankful that Whoopi Goldberg has been absent from her hosting duties for the past several weeks, because what we don’t need right now is Whoopi’s hot take on Michael Jackson considering how long it took her to come around on Cosby. But what we need even less is for Whoopi to die, which she almost did! Whoopi’s been out sick since February 6th, and in a video message that was played on the show today, she said that she’s been recovering from pneumonia, and that she almost died. As ridiculous as she is, Whoopi’s an icon who’s brought joy to millions, and we can’t afford to lose any more of those at this time.
The Jasmine Brand reports that, during an appearance on Steve Harvey’s talk show, Oscar-winning comedian Mo’Nique allegedly got so irritated by the host that she threatened to hit him. We might share a surname but I feel no loyalty. That dude has been inherently slappable for a lifetime now.
I’ve always had this dream of running into the HR department of my nine to five gig, shouting “I Quit!” and then breaking out into the Sister Act 2 version of Oh Happy Day as security escorts me out of the building. Both of the Sister Act movies were my favorites growing up and, since Hollywood loves to murder our childhoods with reboots, you can now add an updated version of Sister Act to the list of things to make your eyes roll. But wait! This time around things will be a bit different.