Category: What Does It All Mean?
JLo’s Engagement Ring Did Not Make An Appearance In Her Latest Instagram Pictures
Just last month, every dictionary updated their definition of “love” to read, “Does not exist, don’t even bothering looking for it,” after it was reported that Jennifer Lopez shit-canned her engagement to Alex Rodriguez over him flirting with a Bravo reality trick on Instagram. But as everyone was lying on the bathroom floor in the fetal position, mourning the loss of history’s greatest love story, we were given a serving of hope (“Hope? Is she hot? How much can she bench?” A-Rod) when it was reported that they didn’t break up and were just going through a “rough patch.” But well, grab some Dramamine, because the roller coaster of emotions that JLo and A-Rod have taken us on has dipped into possible SplitsVille territory again. Because JLo posted pictures on Instagram and her engagement ring was not on her hitchin’ finger.
If Taylor Swift’s Fourth of July Party Didn’t Happen, Did Fourth Of July Really Happen At All?
That memory you have from yesterday of you deep throating two charbroiled hot dogs as your friend lit a sparkler that was stuck in your asshole in the name of freedom is just a figment of your imagination. That didn’t happen, because Fourth of July didn’t happen. There were no fireworks. There were no BBQs. There was no family party where your auntie got drunk on Svedka and La Vie (aka Aldi’s bootleg La Croix) while dropping it low on the concrete patio to Night Ranger’s (You Can Still Rock) In America. None of that happened yesterday because Fourth of July got canceled since it seems like Taylor Swift didn’t throw her annual Taymerica extravaganza. Every bald eagle is probably drowning in a puddle of their own tears while in the fetal position on the ground somewhere.